For when you need to make a shitpost

Comments

• Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  If I were a billionaire, I’d make this a real product. I’d make real commercials for it. Weird commercials. The tagline would be “Go poop yourself!”

  I wouldn’t worry about sales. But I’d act like I cared deeply. My commercials would become increasingly more and more deranged.

  Like imagine if I hired Alex Jones to eat 6 buckets of chicken, shirtless, in a room that’s 120 degrees. Then hired a bunch of body builders to come hold him down and slap his face, and tickle his feet for 16 hours until he’s exausted, and pissed off. Then I’d tell him we’re doing another 16 hours unless he screams into the camera, and records a commercial to plead with america to buy the poop pills.

  And you don’t see any of the prep work. You just see a shirtless, sweaty, red faced desprate Alex Jones yelling “YOU GOTTA POOP YOURSELF!!! PLEASE!!! I CAN’T TAKE ANYMORE!!! CONSUME THESE PILLS!!! GO POOP YOURSELF!!!”

  And the next week it would be Kenny from south park. Saying 2 minutes of something you can’t understand. Followed by him pooping and exploding.

  And you go to the store, and this exact box, is a real product being sold for $24.99.

  And every week is another celebrity going nuts, and screaming that everybody needs to poop more.

  I’d take a massive loss. It would only be done to entertain myself, and gaslight everyone.

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  • Kaput@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I like you. Please hurry up making that first billion. I’ll buy a box of semtexlax, once its available.

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• Danarchy@lemmy.nz ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Key ingredient in my signature cocktail The Depth Charge

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• phx@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  So basically the chocolatey version of the infamous sugar-free Haribo gummy bears?

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  • ClownStatue@piefed.social ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Legendary Amazon review section on those!

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    • phx@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Yeah it looks made me disappointed I never acquired any to share with friends and family

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• HootinNHollerin@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  My cat took my bottle of stool softener and i can’t find it anywhere. Now im going in the opposite direction. CRANK THAT STOOL BABY AROOOOOOOO

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• sundray@lemmus.org ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  This post is giving me ANFOMO.

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  • Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    The FOMO part is “Fear of missing out”, but whats the AN?

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    • sundray@lemmus.org ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Ammonium nitrate.

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    • rockerface@lemmy.cafe ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      absolutely not?

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• BeMoreCareful@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Damn our hubris. We’ve gotten modern medicine completely wrong. We’ve been trying to minimize our very salvation.

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• MrPommeroy@piefed.social ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Wee Justin would probably eat the whole 24 pieces on his own.

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