Might explain some of my dating missteps

Comments

• ACindyDerg@piefed.blahaj.zone ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Lmao my trauma is from my mom NOT losing custody when she should’ve. Neglect is fun!

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  • FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    You learned nothing from movies like home alone. Supposed to go missing at that point or set up traps to make the home environment even more dangerous!

    Sorry that happened to you though

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  • FosterMolasses@leminal.space ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Same here. If I’d known then what I know now, I’dve tried harder to get emancipated. But what’s a few more years of trauma I guess lol

    I hope you enjoyed a peaceful, trauma-free mother’s day at least! I sure did lol

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    • ACindyDerg@piefed.blahaj.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      I am lucky but in a way that kinda feels isolating because my mom actually is proof that all of those shithead parents really are choosing to keep being shitheads. She actually owns up to her mistakes, and when I came out to her she used that as the final push to get in to politics to protect my rights to exist… My mom is a great mom, once she started trying to be one and got away from her abusive partner.

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• Skullgrid@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  date was trash? OK, but did you have a weird time and get a good story?

  I prefer the time I went on a date with an unhinged woman that had a purposefully blurry picture that stole a bathroom tile from a Mayhem show than the zillion that ghosted me. We went to my favourite cocktail bar, and I wanted nothing more than want to escape the situation, but my dumb ass blurted out “It’s a lovely day, do you want to go on a walk?” And then we walked for 3 miles.

  Worth it. I wanted nothing to do with her, but at least I have the story about the time I went on a date with an unspecified mentally ill scary woman and was so stupid I extended the date.

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  • Skyline969@piefed.ca ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Reminds me of this woman I went on a date with.

    Picked her up at her place, she smelled like mold. Like if you opened a bag of bread that was obviously moldy and took a big whiff.

    On the way to the restaurant, she sighs and goes “I hate white people.” Zero prompting. She and I are both white.

    At the restaurant, it was tirade after tirade of how men are ruining everything, straight white men are evil, nothing short of full communism will fix the world, all kinds of alt-left rhetoric too. Finally I blurted out “so am I just the antichrist then since I literally am so many of those things you hate?” No response.

    She hated the government despite being on welfare. She hated to work despite not having worked for years. She hated men despite going on a date with one. Every hand that fed her, she sank her teeth into.

    Of course my dumb ass still paid for the meal. She had the audacity to ask what I was doing after. I made an excuse of having to work, dropped her off, and sped out of the parking lot.

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    • Fedizen@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      when I worked at a big company people would be like “this company kinda sucks” and I never once felt I was the reason the group of people that made the company suck included me.

      Is there a reason people feel so personal about generalized frustration?

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    • FosterMolasses@leminal.space ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Bwahahaha, this is one of those stories that gets better and better the longer you read it lol

      You know it’s a good one when you start with rationalizing “Maybe her drying machine broke? Mildewy clothing right before a big date she didn’t have time to fix, poor thing…”

      to

      “What the actual fuck” in the span of two minutes LMAO

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  • Shellbeach@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Please tell me what “mentally ill” looks like, because I had a great second date but I did steal his socks (I did left mine in exchange to be fair). But now I worry he might think me unhinge.

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    • Skullgrid@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      general indicators of mental health issues were discussed. Various harmful impulsive behaviours.

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    • FishFace@piefed.social ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      That’s just garden variety weird

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    • FosterMolasses@leminal.space ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      That’s pretty funny tbh lol, sounds like an equal trade (assuming they weren’t sentimental or anything)

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• peopleproblems@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  My rule is: if you’re gonna trauma dump, let me do it too.

  Because then we start off with a good commiseration and we get to see how traumatized we are and if that trauma will prevent or enable chemistry.

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  • ZC3rr0r@piefed.ca ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    There’s nothing like honesty as a foundation of a relationship. Also, getting both of your baggage out there is a good way to figure out if you’re compatible.

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  • BloodMuffin@lemmy.ca ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    that’s fair, just wait your turn. no interrupting my t-dump with how it relates to your life

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• kryptonianCodeMonkey@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  This could be my wife. All of her coworkers and employees constantly give her their life stories in gritty detail. She is always appalled by the amount they tell her, but… she doesn’t ask them to stop.

  The woman loves drama that she isn’t involved in. Internal drama stresses her out, but other people’s drama is just her reality tv shows come to life. Everywhere she has ever worked, inevitably her favorite coworker is the grumpiest person in the office who has no filter about everyone else in the office.

  Actually, at this very moment, she is scrolling through people posting on a facebook group who are angry that this local doctor got just got fired “out of nowhere”. In reality, we know the full story. He was fired for harassing and disparaging every woman in the clinic with a bunch of sexist shit, driving at least 3 to quit, and for massively overprescribing pain meds to a ton of people and trying to get other (women) physicians to write his scripts for him to take the liability off of himself. He’s a real scumbag. Half of the people in the threads are his patients who have been getting their fix from him, though, so they are talking about what a great doctor his is. She keeps sending me screenshots.

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  • captainlezbian@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Oh hey, I’m like that. You just be awkward and amicable, pretend you’re boring but cool with whatever and people will just tell you all sorts of wild shit that’s going on.

    It’s funny because I’ve been the boring lady at jobs solely because I don’t get involved in drama and I keep the scandalous parts of my life private

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• FosterMolasses@leminal.space ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  I think there’s a real issue where people have shifted the needle in recent years from the understandable observation of “It’s unhealthy to trauma-bond with strangers, and sometimes with dangerous people that is the goal” to “How dare you tell me about personal things going on in your life, friend of 6 years.”

  I think either scenario is just an excuse to generally be a miserable person to be around, let alone a genuine friend. There’s definitely a balance, but most people I’ve met are far more likely to treat someone as a social pariah for answering the question “How are you?” honestly than to use you as a personal therapist, and that’s even before I moved to the UK lol

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  • lifeinlarkhall@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Yeah this is what I’ve observed too. It’s very, very strange to see the messaging around these things change. For extra context I’m autistic and have mental health issues myself. People confuse me in general lol.

    I feel like I’ve watched things go from “no, no, we don’t talk about those things, sweep it under the rug, everything is fine” to “reach out! Speak to someone! Believe victims! It’s ok not to be ok! #mentalhealth #noshame” and then in recent years we’ve developed the term “trauma dumping” which appears even to apply to friends.

    It feels a little like we went “speak up, reach out…ah fuck, no no stop now”. I actually find it quite concerning.

    And then people wonder why others are turning to AI companions. I don’t personally but it does make sense to me when the social game is as confusing as it is especially around mental health or even quite minor stuff things can get the “trauma dump” label. I even remember seeing a couple of people say you shouldn’t trauma dump on your THERAPIST 😅😅😅

    How are you is the most confusing question a person can ask 🙃 like, really or generic answer? It can be a very lonely question, that one.

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    • TheBluePillock@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      As a fellow autistic, I rarely even answer that question. Most people don’t really care or need an answer, so I just ignore it completely and change the topic. If I must answer, I’ll usually say something like, “I’m hanging in there.” It’s not pretending that everything is fine, but it’s got a sense of positivity to it. Like: I’m handling it and you don’t need to worry about me. That way it’s neither pretending, nor dragging down the mood.

      Brought to you by overthinking this question for decades.

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• fedikitty@piefed.social ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Some people lowkey want the drama dump.

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• AskewLord@piefed.social ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  This is like 75% of women I meet on first dates. Basically get the basic facts and then they trauma dump.

  I don’t like it. It’s so weird.

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  • Rhaedas@fedia.io ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I agree with you, but maybe on the positive side consider maybe they feel comfortable enough with you to let things out. Assuming that they don't do it with just anyone, in which case they really do need help. It is inappropriate to do in a first or even later dates, but people are holding things in and it doesn't take much.

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    • AskewLord@piefed.social ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      No it isn’t. It means they aren’t attracted to me and don’t respect me. When they are attracted to you and respect they are on their best behavior.

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• Im_old@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  30 minutes? Why wait so long!?!

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  • ivanafterall@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Probably because my parents would whip me with a cat of nine tails if I rushed. Old habits die hard!

    Anyway, did you want to upgrade to a large for just fifty cents more?

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• TheLamb@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  No cause I’m your person, I immediately traumadump the second I feel like you’re a good person lmao

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• roserose56@lemmy.zip ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Bro this community, apart from the trillion post about USA and because they can’t do something to stop it, has turned into a therapy conversation thing. Can’t wait for you guys to meet up. Loool.

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