How crucial texting is too modern dating

Submitted ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨STRIKINGdebate2@lemmy.world⁩ to ⁨mildlyinfuriating@lemmy.world⁩

I am 23 and I am currently in the dating scene. I’ve had no success and I’ve had the fourth person lose all interest in between setting up the date and the long wait between the date. It typically goes match on dating site, set up date, try to get to know each other over snap and then interest lost. I do tend to respond quickly but it’s not like I am constantly spamming or shit like that. I am just tired. It’s such a dumb minor thing but it seems to be destroying my chances. I am on the autism spectrum and I find texting and shit like that extremely stressful. I know no one is actually going to like past that. Divergence is punished must stick to strict social rules around dating fuck being my actual self I guess.

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frickineh@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
I just tell people upfront that I’m not the person for them if they want someone who wants to talk constantly, especially via text. I don’t have the energy for it, especially with my current job being so social, and I know I need someone equally independent for there to be any chance of a relationship. Other people like that exist - my ex and I used to spend a ton of time in the same room, gaming or watching movies or whatever, and we’d only talk occasionally. We were content to be with each other but doing our own thing. We didn’t work out for other reasons, but that part was always good.

Anyway, I think it’s helpful to weed out people ahead of time. Not in a negative way, because a shitty attitude will ruin your chances with most people, but just in the way of, “this is my communication style, looking for someone compatible with that.”

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- not_that_guy05@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
  This is why my wife and I work. She likes to read books daily while I play my games. We come together to watch movies and other things, or are just in the same room doing our thing.
  
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Diabolo96@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
Say upfront you have problems communicating. Try meeting with other Autistic people because they already understand your struggle.

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jjjalljs@ttrpg.network ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
I’m old (almost 40) so my advice may not be relevant.

Why is there a long gap between setting up a date and the date?

Why are they cancelling the date?

I generally match with someone, chat briefly to check for red flags and if they can message ok, then ask them out. Once the date is arranged I don’t keep texting. There’s too many ways to fuck up over text.

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scarabic@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
The self pity in your last sentence is not going to help your dating chances.

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- intensely_human@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
  Or anything else
  
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figaro@lemdro.id ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
Hey! Ngl dating apps suck - they are engineered basically to keep people addicted to them, and single.

The best thing to do to find a real interesting person to date is to go do stuff you want to do. Join Meetup groups, school clubs, etc. Just have fun. Live your life. Don’t base your happiness on finding a romantic partner - that is looking for an external solution for an internal problem. It doesn’t work.

Eventually you will run into someone else interesting. Don’t have expectations, just express genuine interest in them. Ask questions. Let them talk. Be open and willing to be vulnerable.

Good luck dude!

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ImminentOrbit@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
I met my fiance on a dating site and what worked for me was after a short communication in the app quickly deciding to meet up or not, but not dragging it out. Where you can see each other without it having to be a texting event. And not even a real big day, just a quick in-person meet up to see if you’re compatible, on the since it’s hard to tell via text.

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- Onesmallstep@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
  +1 to this
  
  Me and my partner met on a dating app, quickly went to a date night (bloody hilarious and amazing company). The trick was not to juggle too many and if you ever get that feeling of “They are the one”, even if it’s 30 seconds to netting them, GO FOR IT!
  
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Paradachshund@lemmy.today ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
I’m too far out of the dating pool to give to you much advice, but one thing I’ll say is don’t worry too much about the response time thing… that was a thing I worried about too, but the reality is if the person really likes you, they won’t mind, they’ll like hearing from you. Just don’t start hounding someone if THEY haven’t responded. If someone isn’t responding much that’s a sign they’re probably not as interested as you are, and you might need to let that one slip.

Good luck, it’s exhausting sometimes, but try to have fun with it and don’t give up!

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steersman2484@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
I feel you bro and I’m not on the spectrum

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- melroy@kbin.melroy.org ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
  Me neither haha
  
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- Hyperreality@kbin.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
  Agreed.
  
  This honestly sounds like a maturity gap, rather than a neurotypical thing.
  
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Ejh3k@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
I never had much luck with online dating, but I had much better luck meeting people in person doing social things.

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- rustyriffs@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
  Like what? Just curious.
  
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  - gullible@kbin.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
    Diamond heist. (Loose group escape room)
    
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  - Ejh3k@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
    Adult athletic leagues, Church groups, book clubs, bowling league
    
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Nobody@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
Tell them you’re busy with work. You’re in meetings all the time and have to turn your phone off. When you get to know them better, you can explain in more detail.

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fartsparkles@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
Have you tired any autistic or neurodivergent social and dating apps?

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- CarlsIII@kbin.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
  There’s a neurodivergent social app?
  
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  - ivanafterall@kbin.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
    I've seen some ads for one called Hiki. Not sure why I'm getting the ads. Probably some faulty targeting algorithm, I assume.
    
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agressivelyPassive@feddit.de ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
If your “actual self” is someone unable to communicate, then maybe you are simply not desirable.

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- Damaskox@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
  There’s someone for everybody. Sometimes you need to look hard and long, sometimes it takes a chance to just walk on you by surprise. A good attitude and open mind helps a lot in this stuff. It took maybe 200-400 different dating profiles for me to go through before I got lucky myself. Been happily with her for more than a year now.
  
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PorradaVFR@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
Sorry for your struggles. Have you tried engaging in things you are more comfortable / passionate about? Face to face encounters over a game or band or hobby you love will provide a common interest to connect over. I hope this helps!

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