They were lucky Aladdin was such a cool dude

Comments

• thorbot@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

  First wish: all humans turn blue for 24 hours after masturbating

  Second wish: reverse all human digestive tracts so food goes into anus and excretion comes out of mouth, trump style

  Third wish: reproductive organs are all removed and humans mate by doing The Polka for 6 consecutive hours.

  Love, Satan

  source

  • w00tabaga@lemm.ee ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

    Third kind of makes the first one pointless. Unless that is, you consider the Polka masturbation.

    source

    • djsoren19@yiffit.net ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

      You still feel horny urges, but baby can only be created via intense accordion action. It’d be a real blessing, the most effective form of contraceptive available.

      source

      • -> View More Comments
    • thorbot@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

      Notice how I said reproduction specifically. You could still pleasure yourself

      source
    • oolio@feddit.de ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

      Do you masturbate to reproduce?

      source
    • Seventhlevin@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

      Shit damn. I can’t masturbate OR polka without turning blue? That really is diabolical.

      source
  • Shush@reddthat.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

    Funnily enough, the third wish is actually one of the most positive things that can happen here.

    Now people will fuck each other all day without having to worry about getting pregnant. No pills, no implants, no hormone. It’s just good ol’ pleasure now.

    source
  • azvasKvklenko@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

    I’m blue, da ba dee da ba di

    source
• son_named_bort@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

  Final wish: Increase childhood cancer by 500%.

  source

  • cooopsspace@infosec.pub ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

    You sick fuck.

    Take your up arrow.

    source
  • Moc@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

    Climate change solved?

    source
• Dasnap@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

  Final wish: You can never leave the lamp again.

  source
• GBU_28@lemm.ee ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

  1st wish: bring all insects together into one mega organism blob that slowly traverses the earth consuming anything it touches

  source

  • driving_crooner@lemmy.eco.br ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

    Make bedbugs immune to insecticides.

    Bedbugs now fly.

    source

    • PM_ME_FEET_PICS@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

      Just a FYI, most bed bugs are immune to insecticides already.

      Tests and studies have shown that insecticides work as well as water for killing bed bugs. 25% kill rate and lowering each year.

      The best tool against bed bugs is heat (Steam cleaner) or Diatomaceous Earth.

      source

      • -> View More Comments
    • _stranger_@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

      cancel update CANCEL UPDATE

      source
  • TheLameSauce@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

    So Nausicaä?

    source
  • Happenchance@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

    “All bugs are now the size of dogs.”

    source

    • Jax@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

      I think that just results in billions of dog sized bugs being dead no? Isn’t it a lack of available oxygen in the air that keeps their size down?

      Granted, every flying insect becoming as large as a dog and plummeting to the Earth instantly would be fucking horrifying.

      source

      • -> View More Comments
    • ryathal@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

      All yards become massive piles of dead dogs erupting everywhere from the ground.

      source
    • RIPandTERROR@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

      “I’ma boutta singlehandedly bring the worldwide prices for gasoline and ammo up a cent.”

      source
• killeronthecorner@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

  Final wish, multiply every bank balance by 0.5

  source

  • The_Picard_Maneuver@startrek.website ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

    Would this one unintentionally help reduce wealth disparity?

    source

    • Vlyn@lemmy.zip ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

      By a lot! It would also cut every overdrawn bank account by half :)

      Unfortunately it’s just “bank balance”, so actual debts outside of that wouldn’t be touched.

      source
    • explodicle@local106.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

      It would get worse. Cash reserves are for working class people; the rich mostly hold stocks which appreciate over time.

      source
    • key@lemmy.keychat.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

      To the power of 0.5 would be better

      source

      • -> View More Comments
    • RedReaper@infosec.pub ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

      Multiply bank balances by current balance/$1000000

      source

      • -> View More Comments
  • SamboT@lemm.ee ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

    Divide every bank balance by zero

    source
  • GrammatonCleric@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

    That’s just a fancy way of saying “cut in half”.

    source
• Wirlocke@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

  Image

  source
• GreenMario@lemm.ee ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

  Third wish: raise avg world temp by 5C.

  source
• Brekky@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

  How do we know that’s not what happened to Trump?

  source

  • The_Picard_Maneuver@startrek.website ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

    He would have lost focus babbling halfway through his first wish and never reached a coherent request.

    source
• TootSweet@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

  Accelerationism intensifies.

  source
• MrTulip@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

  Give everyone tastebuds in their anus.

  source

  • w00tabaga@lemm.ee ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

    What if I put my tastebuds in someone else’s anus?

    source

    • PR3CiSiON@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

      It’s 2023. Have you not done that yet?

      source

      • -> View More Comments
  • skullgiver@popplesburger.hilciferous.nl ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

    You actually have sensors in your rectum and all over your body in places you wouldn’t expect that detect certain chemicals like sugars. They’re not exactly taste buds (because they don’t contribute to taste as people normally interpret it), but they follow the same process.

    All you’d need to do is hook these up directly to a nerve…

    source
  • QuinceDaPence@kbin.social ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago

    Of course I know the taste buds in my colon (TBIMC) can never be cured, but my doctor told me that with proper diet and excercise and Poisantin, my TBIMC could be monitored, putting me in control of the size and sensitivity of the taste buds in my colon.

    source
• starman2112@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  Third wish: we hit 2 degrees ten years ahead of schedule

  source