I thought he died before they invented baseball

Comments

• tias@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I mean it’s pretty clear from the texts that he was resurrected and lives on forever. Most Christians seem to agree that he now hangs around like a ghost and helps you do stuff like play baseball or get a promotion. The thing that rubs me the wrong way about this story is: why isn’t he helping every baseball player equally? Obviously some are winning and some aren’t, and presumably that’s because Jesus is helping some people more than others.

  Everybody prays they will win the war, but Jesus is helping one side kill more people.

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  • Sergio@slrpnk.net ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Jesus is helping one side kill more people.

    No my child, Jesus is helping BOTH sides kill more people. Without Jesus, they would just threaten one another and maybe perform semi-ritualistic battles involving maneuvers, challenges shouted in verse, and single combat with blunt instruments. Occasionally someone would die falling off their horse. But thanks to Jesus, the deaths are measured in millions and we all continue dying until one side gives up. Amen.

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  • nawa@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Jesus is helping the ones that are less fortunate and are less able, he’s propping them up so they would have less trouble in the society.

    Which means Jesus is a socialist.

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  • Hellinabucket@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Look he tried to help out on the field, but the ball just goes through his hands.

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  • toofpic@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    • Good Jesus, I love you, pretty please!
    • Ok, I smite one person, just one. Not like the other week! Name?

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• OwlPaste@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Could they make him and the kid any whiter?

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  • SkyezOpen@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    They could make Jesus blonde as well.

    Image

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  • HowAbt2morrow@futurology.today ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    They even put the brown boy as the catcher to provide contrast.

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    • yesman@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      On his knees.

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• ivanafterall@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  If I arrive at the park and see some guy in a robe doing this with my kid, I’m losing my shit.

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• ramble81@lemm.ee ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Yeah it’s like when they say “Jesus take the wheel”, do people think a person who lived 2000 years ago knows how to drive?

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  • db2@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    I fully believe a 2000 year old lich can drive better than many of the people I see on the road.

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  • HowAbt2morrow@futurology.today ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Jesús know everything, ya hear? Except stick. No one says, Jesus take the clutch.

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• Mickey7@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I wonder how much free time he has for stuff like this.

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  • yesman@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Jesus’ idea of running a universe is like Elon’s ideas about running a company.

    He even did a flood once to drown all the DEI.

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• OhNoMoreLemmy@lemmy.ml ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  It’s really progressive of them to show a Jesus with Down syndrome.

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