Women aren’t even real, calm down.
Comment on Anon has marital problems
vonbaronhans@midwest.social 21 hours ago
“I don’t understand women.”
Whenever someone has an issue with an SO, then extrapolates that to all women… that’s a red flag to me that this guy has a lot more misogynistic views just outside the frame of view.
It is unfortunately common. Pretty much all of the guys I know IRL complain about their SOs with “Pft. Women, right?” And I’m sitting here like… No? Maybe that’s just your SO? Or just your SO when they’re with you?
rickyrigatoni@lemm.ee 19 hours ago
vonbaronhans@midwest.social 18 hours ago
How could I possibly calm down? Who am I married to then? Fuck!
(That was me joining the joke for anybody who might not get that otherwise.)
weker01@sh.itjust.works 17 hours ago
Accept it you are gay now. Resistance is futile /s
vonbaronhans@midwest.social 15 hours ago
Time to embrace my gay side, for sure.
Flax_vert@feddit.uk 21 hours ago
Women and men do have a different way of thinking the majority of the time. It’s about learning to cope with and deal with the other one’s feeling. If you want a woman, you have to be willing to deal with woman moments. If you want a man, you have to be willing to deal with man moments. Simple. Relationships cannot be perfect.
funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works 20 hours ago
As an AMAB who is vaguely uncomfortable enough with the gender binary to use he/they pronouns but still presents masc in every context — I have met many people of all and no genders who think so completely differently to me it’d be better to use zodiac signs than gender markers to divide personalities (and no I don’t think astrology is real).
vonbaronhans@midwest.social 20 hours ago
Men and women have tendencies and subculture, sure. But they’re not mutually unintelligible if you make even a little effort to try and understand the other side as fundamentally human people. For example, by listening to them and taking their positions seriously (even if the specific situation does not call for believing every factual claim).
I think we mostly agree here, just with slightly different framing.
Flax_vert@feddit.uk 19 hours ago
Exactly, you cannot be a good spouse and not take your partner’s opinion seriously just because “pffft women/men”
Ajen@sh.itjust.works 19 hours ago
It’s not misogynistic to admit you have trouble communicating with women.
vonbaronhans@midwest.social 18 hours ago
Do you think that’s what’s happening (both in my example but also the OP greentext)? That they’re admitting they have trouble communicating?
I could see a literal interpretation of “I don’t understand women” as a standalone sentence being reasonably interpreted that way, sure. But given the context, I think that’s really unlikely.
Ajen@sh.itjust.works 17 hours ago
I think they’re expressing frustration about not being able to communicate with women, and I think it’s easy to misinterpret that frustration as aggression or misogyny.
vonbaronhans@midwest.social 15 hours ago
To be fair, I don’t mean like, raging, beating your wife misogyny. Just the standard kind that results in overgeneralizing and venting in this particular way.
The behavior described seems like either (1) the wife has big attachment and insecurity issues (maybe a personality or mood disorder) or (2) the anon has major, major communication issues (essentially driving the wife to desperate measures she might not have gone to otherwise). In either case, these are extremes. And extremes really shouldn’t be generalized to the whole gender population, y’know? I can’t think of anything BUT some amount of misogyny that would lead to that type of generalization.
zqps@sh.itjust.works 21 hours ago
And this case like most relationship issues comes down to insecurities and bad/non-existent communication. To which, let’s face it, male socialization is a major contributor.
With stoicism and a fear of vulnerability, we’re far too often standing standing in our own way.
vonbaronhans@midwest.social 20 hours ago
That is unfortunately the tendency for men, yeah.
SacralPlexus@lemmy.world 17 hours ago
Not sure why you got downvoted because I had the same reaction when I read it. This is your spouse and treating her request for divorce and obvious associated emotional distress as something related to her gender rather than the specifics of your relationship seems incredibly dismissive and misogynistic.
vonbaronhans@midwest.social 15 hours ago
Who knows, lol. But I’m more than happy to engage with people who disagree, so long as it remains relatively civil.
I’ve had plenty of gender-coded miscommunication with my wife over the years. But that’s far, far outweighed by more individual differences (like neurotypical v neurodivergent, mismatched communication habits, and mismatched expectations from how we were raised. Hell even just regional differences.
And when it comes to the other married guys I know, I’ve provided advice (upon request) that basically boiled down to (1) you don’t “win” a marriage, (2) treat her like a partner not an adversary (even if she’s treating you adversarially for now), and (3) be open and vulnerable when you can. It’s amazing how many of them have just… never once heard that advice from anyone else their whole life. Wild out here.
blockheadjt@sh.itjust.works 17 hours ago
The behavior of the wife in the OP would never be exhibited by a man, right? So calling it a “women” thing isn’t inaccurate.
Your reply extrapolates OP to mean all women. Which is exactly like when a woman makes a claim about men and men in the comments reply “not all men!” You’re doing that.
vonbaronhans@midwest.social 15 hours ago
Maybe I’m misunderstanding your point, but I could see a man doing what the wife in the greentext did. It wouldn’t fit the stereotypes we have of dudes, but yeah I think it’s possible.
blockheadjt@sh.itjust.works 12 hours ago
Including the crying and ripping it up?
Really?
In that sequence?
Horseshit.
vonbaronhans@midwest.social 11 hours ago
I mean… what about those actions is impossible for a guy to do?
WhiteOakBayou@lemmy.world 16 hours ago
You don’t think a man has ever tried to use divorce as a threat to change his spouses behavior?
blockheadjt@sh.itjust.works 16 hours ago
The whole sequence, not just that one part of it.
babybus@sh.itjust.works 21 hours ago
What if they don’t understand all women? Why do you extrapolate your personal experience to all people… That’s a res flag to me.
vonbaronhans@midwest.social 20 hours ago
This presupposes that men and women are fundamentally and irreconcilably different. I just don’t think that’s true, based on both my experiences and the psychological data I’ve reviewed throughout my life.
babybus@sh.itjust.works 20 hours ago
It is unfortunately common. Pretty much all of the guys I know IRL base their conclusions on experiences and the psychological data they’ve reviewed throughout their lives. And I’m sitting here like… No? Maybe that’s just your psychological data? Or just your subjective experience?
vonbaronhans@midwest.social 18 hours ago
I’m honestly not sure what point you’re trying to convey, but that’s alright.
But best of luck out there.