It will not solve all your problems, but it might solve some.
Pretending to be someone you’re really not, unless there’s a very good reason for it, usually leads to more harm than good
Comment on I'm am myself and myself is bad at fitting in
ByteJunk@lemmy.world 5 months ago
This is such a bullshit moral for stories, and it’s so overused that it boggles my brain. It’s just an outright lie - accepting oneself will NOT magically solve all of one’s problems, that’s not how reality works.
SkyeStarfall@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 months ago
WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world 5 months ago
What if you need to hide the fact that you’re secretly a vigilante?
Asafum@feddit.nl 5 months ago
Yeah and if you’re someone like me you shouldn’t accept yourself.
I’m actual human garbage.
ByteJunk@lemmy.world 5 months ago
My point is that coming to terms with who you are isn’t the destination, but the first step in a road of self improvement.
You’re only garbage if you stop there. Do better, one little bit at a time.
TheRealKuni@lemmy.world 5 months ago
Recently I saw someone complaining that he’ll always be a virgin and will never get laid. In my advice I recommended making changes to improve himself, like being kind and generous, learning to be better socially, and taking up hobbies that involve being around people.
He said I was telling him to “fake himself.”
All of the “just be yourself” and “you’re perfect just the way you are” platitudes are meant to improve confidence, but unfortunately it means some people genuinely don’t think they need to fix things. That they are just, like, owed success from society or something.
Obviously there are aspects that you don’t need to change, like you don’t have to pretend to like things you don’t, and you don’t have to try to change your orientation or identity, but if you’re an asshole you should try to not be an asshole. If you smell bad you should shower. If you suffer from social anxiety there are both medical and practical ways to address that.
No one is perfect. We can all stand to improve things about ourselves and thus progress towards whatever goals we may have. And the more we lie about not needing to change, or indeed not being able to change, the more we let people wallow in self-pity. I don’t have data to back this up, but I suspect this sort of thinking leads in part to the wave of loneliness and incel-ness we see in our society today.
match@pawb.social 5 months ago
“Be yourself” + “Give yourself time to grow” + “You can be anything you set your mind to” are not contradictory and indeed need to all be taken together. I suppose a less kind to put it is “Authentically and gradually shape yourself into a person of your own choosing. We are all going to presume you’ll pick well in either a prosocial or profitable sense. If you don’t shape yourself well then it will be unpleasant for everyone especially you.”
EncryptKeeper@lemmy.world 5 months ago
I think that there’s a comfy middle ground between giving into every horrible trait you have to the detriment of everyone around you, and molding yourself into a character just to please everyone around you.
MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 5 months ago
This is definitely true. My litmus test is simply empathy. If I were them, would I want to have a stranger (me) do this thing I’m about to do? If the answer is no, then I don’t do it.
Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 5 months ago
I think it’s simpler than that. If you need to pretend to be a different person so others will accept you, then you’ll spend your life pretending to be something you’re not. If you just be yourself, then anyone who accepts you is accepting the real you rather than a false front you put on.
Note that there’s a difference between pretending to be what you’re not vs changing yourself into something different.