Comment on Daily discussion thread: 🍃 Wednesday, April 24, 2024

RustyRaven@aussie.zone ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

• wscholermann@aussie.zone ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I know it’s an unpleasant thing to think about but has the will and funeral been sorted?

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  • RustyRaven@aussie.zone ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    They have. Everything was updated for both Mum & Dad last year after some health scares. The timing and details might have been unknown but it is not really unexpected at this point.

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• Gibsonisafluffybutt@aussie.zone ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I’m so sorry for that you’re going through ❤️

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• Catfish@aussie.zone ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  That is a great deal of shite at once. Net hugs.

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• Bottom_racer@aussie.zone ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  So sorry to hear that.

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• TinyBreak@aussie.zone ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I’m really sorry. This sounds like a lot to take on.

  It feels like I should be doing something but there’s not really anything to do at the moment

  With kindness, I disagree. I think you should be spending as much time with your folks as you are comfortable with. Bugger everything else right now.

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  • RustyRaven@aussie.zone ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    I have been spending more time with them, but Dad can’t do anything now, he can’t really speak and is basically just sitting in his armchair with the TV on 24/7. It’s not a very pleasant environment unfortunately. I’d love to be able to take Mum out to get away from it for a bit but she doesn’t want to leave him alone for any length of time. We’ve pretty much all said our goodbyes because he could go at any time and now we are all just waiting.

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    • TinyBreak@aussie.zone ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Can you read to him? share some stories of good memories when you were growing up?

      I just. I think we should all be so lucky to pass surrounded by love.

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      • RustyRaven@aussie.zone ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        Unfortunately we really don’t have that sort of relationship. He has never really shared stories or anything with us and in many ways I barely know him. I guess he has taken being part of the “silent generation” to heart.

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    • Seagoon_@aussie.zone ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      get a little white board and eraser

      play board games, play cards

      can you go on drives?

      and waiting is horrible, horrible for him too,

      also, respite care so your mum can have a few hours to herself, organise thru the hospital

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      • RustyRaven@aussie.zone ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        He’s not really able to do anything. He can still get to the toilet and back but the effort leaves him struggling to breathe. It’s pretty horrible really and I’m pretty sure he would have preferred to go a month or more ago.

        I’ve been pretty disappointed in the lack of help that’s being given. The palliative care team are providing thickened liquids and loaned a wheelchair but there is no real support. They ask him if he’s fine, he lies and they just accept it. Mum would prefer him to be in care because she is constantly stressed and not physically able to assist him if he has problems but they just keep pushing for him to stay at home. It’s hard to try and push for anything like respite care because I’m not the caregiver so don’t have any standing and Mum’s not particularly assertive. It’s just a really shitty situation all round. ☹️

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  • Seagoon_@aussie.zone ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    agree, spend time :)

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• melbaboutown@aussie.zone ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I’m very sorry to hear it.

  If he doesn’t feel up to talking or is unable to interact much, perhaps you might help mum with any practical tasks? Such as cleaning out storage spaces, paring down non-sentimental belongings, or starting to put away/make decisions about his stuff.

  She might have trouble managing after he passes and it might be emotionally easier to do it more gradually, whether you do it together to support each other or you do the practical stuff while she sits with him.

  Please ignore this if it comes off as insensitive.

  I just thought it might take something difficult off mum’s plate.

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  • RustyRaven@aussie.zone ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    We will definitely be going through stuff to downsize in future. I don’t think there will be many decisions about his stuff, most of it is going straight in the dumpster. I think we will all take special joy in finally being able to toss the broken toaster in the shed that he for some reason decided was valuable enough to take when they moved house 🤣 Fortunately the worst of his junk hoard was dealt with before they moved, but he did manage to bring over a surprising amount. Mum mostly has an oversupply of linen.

    I have been helping with the cleaning a bit too, she is supposed to have a fortnighly cleaner through aged care every fortnight but they are not very reliable and if the cleaner can’t make it for some reason it ends up being a month.

    So far Dad has refused to use any sort of mobility aids. He looks incredibly unstable and has already had a couple of falls but unless he’s completely physically unable to get there I don’t think he’ll accept any sort of assistance.

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• Duenan@aussie.zone ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I’m really sorry to hear.

  Sometimes there isn’t anything you can do for the moment until the moment finally arrives.

  You can do some forward planning but it might also cause you additional stress of all sorts.

  Perhaps spending time with your dad while you can might be something you can think about with the time he has left if that is something you can do. Time is precious sometimes and unforgiving so making the best use of it while you can will never be a mistake.

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• Llabyrinthine@aussie.zone ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I’m also sorry to read what you’ve been going through. 🖤

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