Iām so sorry for that youāre going through ā¤ļø
Comment on Daily discussion thread: š Wednesday, April 24, 2024
RustyRaven@aussie.zone āØ11ā© āØmonthsā© ago
Iāve mentioned a couple of times recently having some āreal lifeā problems, but I havenāt really wanted to talk about it much here while I was still processing everything.
My Dad has been diagnosed with lung cancer and does not have much longer to live. My Mum also has a fair few health problems and our current plan is for her to move back to Melbourne and share a house with me so I can provide more assistance. I feel a bit like Iām in the eye of a hurricane at the moment, everything seems perfectly normal right now but Iām constantly on edge waiting for that to change.
It feels like I should be doing something but thereās not really anything to do at the moment, so Iām researching and making plans for every likely future possibility I can think of. Which probably means something completely unexpected will happen instead.
Gibsonisafluffybutt@aussie.zone āØ11ā© āØmonthsā© ago
Catfish@aussie.zone āØ11ā© āØmonthsā© ago
That is a great deal of shite at once. Net hugs.
Bottom_racer@aussie.zone āØ11ā© āØmonthsā© ago
So sorry to hear that.
TinyBreak@aussie.zone āØ11ā© āØmonthsā© ago
Iām really sorry. This sounds like a lot to take on.
It feels like I should be doing something but thereās not really anything to do at the moment
With kindness, I disagree. I think you should be spending as much time with your folks as you are comfortable with. Bugger everything else right now.
RustyRaven@aussie.zone āØ11ā© āØmonthsā© ago
I have been spending more time with them, but Dad canāt do anything now, he canāt really speak and is basically just sitting in his armchair with the TV on 24/7. Itās not a very pleasant environment unfortunately. Iād love to be able to take Mum out to get away from it for a bit but she doesnāt want to leave him alone for any length of time. Weāve pretty much all said our goodbyes because he could go at any time and now we are all just waiting.
TinyBreak@aussie.zone āØ11ā© āØmonthsā© ago
Can you read to him? share some stories of good memories when you were growing up?
I just. I think we should all be so lucky to pass surrounded by love.
RustyRaven@aussie.zone āØ11ā© āØmonthsā© ago
Unfortunately we really donāt have that sort of relationship. He has never really shared stories or anything with us and in many ways I barely know him. I guess he has taken being part of the āsilent generationā to heart.
Seagoon_@aussie.zone āØ11ā© āØmonthsā© ago
get a little white board and eraser
play board games, play cards
can you go on drives?
and waiting is horrible, horrible for him too,
also, respite care so your mum can have a few hours to herself, organise thru the hospital
RustyRaven@aussie.zone āØ11ā© āØmonthsā© ago
Heās not really able to do anything. He can still get to the toilet and back but the effort leaves him struggling to breathe. Itās pretty horrible really and Iām pretty sure he would have preferred to go a month or more ago.
Iāve been pretty disappointed in the lack of help thatās being given. The palliative care team are providing thickened liquids and loaned a wheelchair but there is no real support. They ask him if heās fine, he lies and they just accept it. Mum would prefer him to be in care because she is constantly stressed and not physically able to assist him if he has problems but they just keep pushing for him to stay at home. Itās hard to try and push for anything like respite care because Iām not the caregiver so donāt have any standing and Mumās not particularly assertive. Itās just a really shitty situation all round. ā¹ļø
Seagoon_@aussie.zone āØ11ā© āØmonthsā© ago
agree, spend time :)
melbaboutown@aussie.zone āØ11ā© āØmonthsā© ago
Iām very sorry to hear it.
If he doesnāt feel up to talking or is unable to interact much, perhaps you might help mum with any practical tasks? Such as cleaning out storage spaces, paring down non-sentimental belongings, or starting to put away/make decisions about his stuff.
She might have trouble managing after he passes and it might be emotionally easier to do it more gradually, whether you do it together to support each other or you do the practical stuff while she sits with him.
Please ignore this if it comes off as insensitive.
I just thought it might take something difficult off mumās plate.
RustyRaven@aussie.zone āØ11ā© āØmonthsā© ago
We will definitely be going through stuff to downsize in future. I donāt think there will be many decisions about his stuff, most of it is going straight in the dumpster. I think we will all take special joy in finally being able to toss the broken toaster in the shed that he for some reason decided was valuable enough to take when they moved house š¤£ Fortunately the worst of his junk hoard was dealt with before they moved, but he did manage to bring over a surprising amount. Mum mostly has an oversupply of linen.
I have been helping with the cleaning a bit too, she is supposed to have a fortnighly cleaner through aged care every fortnight but they are not very reliable and if the cleaner canāt make it for some reason it ends up being a month.
So far Dad has refused to use any sort of mobility aids. He looks incredibly unstable and has already had a couple of falls but unless heās completely physically unable to get there I donāt think heāll accept any sort of assistance.
Duenan@aussie.zone āØ11ā© āØmonthsā© ago
Iām really sorry to hear.
Sometimes there isnāt anything you can do for the moment until the moment finally arrives.
You can do some forward planning but it might also cause you additional stress of all sorts.
Perhaps spending time with your dad while you can might be something you can think about with the time he has left if that is something you can do. Time is precious sometimes and unforgiving so making the best use of it while you can will never be a mistake.
Llabyrinthine@aussie.zone āØ11ā© āØmonthsā© ago
Iām also sorry to read what youāve been going through. š¤
wscholermann@aussie.zone āØ11ā© āØmonthsā© ago
I know itās an unpleasant thing to think about but has the will and funeral been sorted?
RustyRaven@aussie.zone āØ11ā© āØmonthsā© ago
They have. Everything was updated for both Mum & Dad last year after some health scares. The timing and details might have been unknown but it is not really unexpected at this point.