Comment on Discussion Thread đŚ Sunday 13 September 2026
Alamutjones@aussie.zone â¨2⊠â¨weeks⊠ago
Okay so.
My understanding of the apartment hunt was that I was buying a home for myself. Part of it is my savings, part of it a homeloan scheme, part my parents chipping in. The condition of my parents contributing is that any apartment I buy has to have a second bedroom, second bathroom and car space - a guest suite, effectively, for them to use when they come from Mornington into town.
One of the options we looked at yesterday was a converted hotel space - two suites that have been turned into a single apartment. Because it WAS two rooms, it has two front doors.
âOh, great. We can lock our side when weâre not hereâ
Hang on, that means Iâm locked out of about 40% of my home on a daily basis
âBut thatâs ours. Why would you ever go in there?â
Because itâs part of my home. The suite is yours when you need it, for as long as you likeâŚbut Iâd quite like to have, like, a chair and some shelves in there as well as your bed so itâs not completely wasted space for the 75% of the year youâre not here? Maybe one of my pictures goes on that wall? Iâd like to be able to stash my yoga mat and Christmas shit in that wardrobe?
Apparently thatâs not the deal. Itâs not âthe guest room in my homeâ, itâs their private space in the city that they donât want me ever to enter even when theyâre not here. They thought I understood that expectation going in.
Weâve been looking at city apartments. Making two rooms functionally useless/invisible to me because theyâre not actually mine to access feels likeâŚa bigger deal compared to having an unused bedroom and guest bathroom in a big house.
IâmâŚweirdly upset by this. Iâm happy to share - gladly, and Iâll get a second TV and the nice sheets/towels they like so they can be entirely comfortable there - but I honestly thought that it would be a guest room I could at least sit in when they didnât need it.
Am I overreacting?
My heart sunk for you reading that. I obviously donât know all the discussion you had about arrangements before you starting looking, but it seems like a massive assumption on their part that helping you get into home ownership entitles them to claim part of the space for themselves.
Going from a place that is 0% yours to one that is only 60% yours isnât the point at all.
I knew from day one that the guest room would by primarily âfor themâ. I wouldnât have my desk in there, for example, it would be a dedicated bedroom.
I didnât realise that I wasnât supposed to have ANYTHING of mine in there. I honestly just want a shelf for my National Geographics and a comfy chair. I just want it to be a room that still exists in my home
I donât understand why they would want to erase you from that room
My stepmother is immunocompromised. A lot of her town visits are medical in nature.
I think sheâs worried about me using âtheir bathroomâ instead of âmy bathroomâ because itâs closer/getting budgie feathers all over it/etc. Not being able to guarantee it as an appropriate guest space when sheâs here to see a doctor.
I think thatâs a fair thing to take jnto account. It has to be somewhere she can feel safe when sheâs ill. I fully agree that the guest suite isnât a primary living space for me in the way that my own bedroom is. But because I know about the need for the medical stuff, I wouldnât actually do any of the stuff sheâs worrying about. Itâs a guest space first.
I feel as though I should be able to store stuff in the wardrobe, or have some bookshelves in a corner, or hang one of my pictures above the bed, without making it any less welcoming for guests
Definitely not overreacting, even the extra context in the comments. I agree with getting a contract drawn up. Iâd say itâs not worth going forward but I know the place youâre in right now isnât great (how many times have you been broken into?!) How do parents feel about your siblings making use of the space when theyâre in town? Itâs lovely they want to help you, but it sounds like theyâre really hoping to help themselves just as much.
When the idea was first raised to me, it was framed as though other people might also use the suite, yeah
Nah youâre not overreacting. My friends, a couple, had a similar deal with their parents (his parents): theyâll chip in $1m, while my mates had the other $700k from their savings/first home buyer scheme, with the stipulation that the parents have a place to stay when they come over from Vietnam or Perth. Except, they didnât force my mates to not use the space when the parents arenât there.
What Iâm pointing out is that you can be grateful for their help, and extremely disappointed and upset that they have this condition that wasnât explained to you.
Honestly, idk what Iâd do. Part of me would want to be like âwell keep your money thenâ but also, in this housing market thatâs a hard thing to do. Ugh. What a clusterfuck, Iâm so sorry youâre in this position, I want to slap your parents (lightly, just a little bit).
It particularly stings because Iâve got stuff from their house in my bedroom (at MY place) right now. Theyâve just moved, and Iâm storing Dadâs big telescope for him. In my actual full-time bedroom Thereâs a cedarwood chest thatâs mostly full of stuff that isnât mine - the chest is, the contents are mostly not.
I do not mind this. Iâm willing. Iâm justâŚhaving some feelings that apparently this is different.
Iâve been frustrated the whole time that a lot of the apartments weâve I like most arenât going to work with my scooter because the lift is too small, or the front doir to rhe builfing has steps, or thereâs nowhere to put it that wonât be in the way - theyâd be perfect for me if I could walk worth a damb, but accessibility comes ahead of âdo I actually like it hereâ.
I donât want âalso a decent chunk of the place is off limits to meâ to interfere with âdo I like it here?â too.
Iâm so sorry. Have a cry, try to treat yourself to some self care, Iâm sending you my good vibes. If I could fix this for you, I would no lie đđđ
for that amount of money it would take 1000 days minimum at a hotel to make it worthwhile
also, who is paying all the expenses like insurance, rates and upkeep, because that would be at least $25,000 a year. At least.
Youâre not overreacting.
Donât have any advice but it sounds very controlling of them.
This is a terrible idea. Youâre going to need to find a way to do this without letting them get their claws into you in any way. Do not accept any money. Do not ever call any room Theirs. And do not let them have a key. Your sanity depends on it.
Iâm honestly on board with hosting people at need. I have a brother interstate, I have a sister and her kids in Gippsland, my parents are in Mornington.
âIâm in town for a thing, can I use your place?â is honestly a really sensible question.
I justâŚassumed it would be somewhere that I got to use for something when no one else was.
No, you are not over reacting at all. Can you ditch the spare room and car park to get your own place?
I canât afford it without their help.
Iâm renting a two bedroom place now, and the second room is my workspace. Iâm already giving up the idea of a separate office (Iâll have to have the desk in my living space) in anywhere I buy.
You arenât overreacting. I canât add much given the excellent comments and advice youâve already received here. My immediate worry was the costs, like the owners fees and whatnot. Are you expected to pay 100% of those? Pretty outrageous of your Olds actually, if thatâs the case. Also, regarding the whole âwhy would you need to go in thereâ question: even empty unused rooms need to be cleaned regularly. Dust, mould and pests can still accumulate if places are closed up. They need a dust, vacuum and open curtains and windows to freshen the place up even if theyâre not in use. Do your folks expect it to be sealed like a tomb? Seems a bit silly. What if âtheirâ bathroom has a leak? Or the roof leaks?
I am, yeah, because all going to plan I get the whole apartment when they die.
Trouble is I have to live in it now
not over reacting
in such a small home you should be using all of it
when guests come over you are converting your space into guest space
also, bedrooms are small now adays
Question.
Do they expect to just turn up unannounced anytime?
I would assume not - weâve habitually extended some warning, but the warning may be short. Could be the day of, could be a day or two before.
For example, last time I hosted my Dad (I gave him my bedroom and slept on the living room floor on my yoga mat) I had about six hours or so warning.
Fed him that night, gave him somewhere to sleep, fed him the next day, it was fine. Not super comfortable, my floor is tiled, but it worked
tombruzzo@aussie.zone â¨2⊠â¨weeks⊠ago
No, I think thatâs fair enough. Parents offer to help out with things then put the weirdest conditions on their help.
It sounds like they want a holiday home in the city but are taking the âcheapâ option by helping you buy a place
Alamutjones@aussie.zone â¨2⊠â¨weeks⊠ago
Iâm honestly on board with hosting people at need. I have a brother interstate, I have a sister and her kids in Gippsland, my parents are in Mornington.
âIâm in town for a thing, can I use your place?â is honestly a really sensible question.
I justâŚassumed it would be somewhere that I got to use for something when no one else was. A comfy chair and maybe a bookshelf for my National Geographics would have done, so the room wasnât wasted space when I was the only one living there.
Seagoon_@aussie.zone â¨2⊠â¨weeks⊠ago
No. Parents donât. I donât and have never and never would.
talk, discuss, respect, compromise,
and if you give something it is theirs to do with as they wish
If the parents want a half share in an apartment they can use they should at minimum have it legal.
And why should Alamut have to pay rates, insurance and expenses on their room?
tombruzzo@aussie.zone â¨2⊠â¨weeks⊠ago
Youâre one of the good parents then. I was facing similar restrictions when my dad helped me finance the car. Heâd been doing too much YouTube research by what sounded like very bias channels and had very specific ideas on what sort of car he would like me to get
Seagoon_@aussie.zone â¨2⊠â¨weeks⊠ago
I really do try very hard to respect Miss Seagoonâs judgement and personal preferences. I am very much of the belief that everyone in a family is equal and has equal say. Might not have say so or responsibility but everyone counts.
For example, Miss Seagoon might not like a Bâday present I got her. Thatâs fine. She can give it away to a friend who does like it. She has other gifts and I will get her another thing. Itâs not a problem.