Comment on Discussion Thread 🦕 Sunday 13 September 2026
Alamutjones@aussie.zone 1 month ago
Okay so.
My understanding of the apartment hunt was that I was buying a home for myself. Part of it is my savings, part of it a homeloan scheme, part my parents chipping in. The condition of my parents contributing is that any apartment I buy has to have a second bedroom, second bathroom and car space - a guest suite, effectively, for them to use when they come from Mornington into town.
One of the options we looked at yesterday was a converted hotel space - two suites that have been turned into a single apartment. Because it WAS two rooms, it has two front doors.
“Oh, great. We can lock our side when we’re not here”
Hang on, that means I’m locked out of about 40% of my home on a daily basis
“But that’s ours. Why would you ever go in there?”
Because it’s part of my home. The suite is yours when you need it, for as long as you like…but I’d quite like to have, like, a chair and some shelves in there as well as your bed so it’s not completely wasted space for the 75% of the year you’re not here? Maybe one of my pictures goes on that wall? I’d like to be able to stash my yoga mat and Christmas shit in that wardrobe?
Apparently that’s not the deal. It’s not “the guest room in my home”, it’s their private space in the city that they don’t want me ever to enter even when they’re not here. They thought I understood that expectation going in.
We’ve been looking at city apartments. Making two rooms functionally useless/invisible to me because they’re not actually mine to access feels like…a bigger deal compared to having an unused bedroom and guest bathroom in a big house.
I’m…weirdly upset by this. I’m happy to share - gladly, and I’ll get a second TV and the nice sheets/towels they like so they can be entirely comfortable there - but I honestly thought that it would be a guest room I could at least sit in when they didn’t need it.
Am I overreacting?
My heart sunk for you reading that. I obviously don’t know all the discussion you had about arrangements before you starting looking, but it seems like a massive assumption on their part that helping you get into home ownership entitles them to claim part of the space for themselves.
Going from a place that is 0% yours to one that is only 60% yours isn’t the point at all.
I knew from day one that the guest room would by primarily “for them”. I wouldn’t have my desk in there, for example, it would be a dedicated bedroom.
I didn’t realise that I wasn’t supposed to have ANYTHING of mine in there. I honestly just want a shelf for my National Geographics and a comfy chair. I just want it to be a room that still exists in my home
I don’t understand why they would want to erase you from that room
My stepmother is immunocompromised. A lot of her town visits are medical in nature.
I think she’s worried about me using “their bathroom” instead of “my bathroom” because it’s closer/getting budgie feathers all over it/etc. Not being able to guarantee it as an appropriate guest space when she’s here to see a doctor.
I think that’s a fair thing to take jnto account. It has to be somewhere she can feel safe when she’s ill. I fully agree that the guest suite isn’t a primary living space for me in the way that my own bedroom is. But because I know about the need for the medical stuff, I wouldn’t actually do any of the stuff she’s worrying about. It’s a guest space first.
I feel as though I should be able to store stuff in the wardrobe, or have some bookshelves in a corner, or hang one of my pictures above the bed, without making it any less welcoming for guests
Definitely not overreacting, even the extra context in the comments. I agree with getting a contract drawn up. I’d say it’s not worth going forward but I know the place you’re in right now isn’t great (how many times have you been broken into?!) How do parents feel about your siblings making use of the space when they’re in town? It’s lovely they want to help you, but it sounds like they’re really hoping to help themselves just as much.
When the idea was first raised to me, it was framed as though other people might also use the suite, yeah
Nah you’re not overreacting. My friends, a couple, had a similar deal with their parents (his parents): they’ll chip in $1m, while my mates had the other $700k from their savings/first home buyer scheme, with the stipulation that the parents have a place to stay when they come over from Vietnam or Perth. Except, they didn’t force my mates to not use the space when the parents aren’t there.
What I’m pointing out is that you can be grateful for their help, and extremely disappointed and upset that they have this condition that wasn’t explained to you.
Honestly, idk what I’d do. Part of me would want to be like “well keep your money then” but also, in this housing market that’s a hard thing to do. Ugh. What a clusterfuck, I’m so sorry you’re in this position, I want to slap your parents (lightly, just a little bit).
It particularly stings because I’ve got stuff from their house in my bedroom (at MY place) right now. They’ve just moved, and I’m storing Dad’s big telescope for him. In my actual full-time bedroom There’s a cedarwood chest that’s mostly full of stuff that isn’t mine - the chest is, the contents are mostly not.
I do not mind this. I’m willing. I’m just…having some feelings that apparently this is different.
I’ve been frustrated the whole time that a lot of the apartments we’ve I like most aren’t going to work with my scooter because the lift is too small, or the front doir to rhe builfing has steps, or there’s nowhere to put it that won’t be in the way - they’d be perfect for me if I could walk worth a damb, but accessibility comes ahead of “do I actually like it here”.
I don’t want “also a decent chunk of the place is off limits to me” to interfere with “do I like it here?” too.
I’m so sorry. Have a cry, try to treat yourself to some self care, I’m sending you my good vibes. If I could fix this for you, I would no lie 💜💜💜
for that amount of money it would take 1000 days minimum at a hotel to make it worthwhile
also, who is paying all the expenses like insurance, rates and upkeep, because that would be at least $25,000 a year. At least.
You’re not overreacting.
Don’t have any advice but it sounds very controlling of them.
This is a terrible idea. You’re going to need to find a way to do this without letting them get their claws into you in any way. Do not accept any money. Do not ever call any room Theirs. And do not let them have a key. Your sanity depends on it.
I’m honestly on board with hosting people at need. I have a brother interstate, I have a sister and her kids in Gippsland, my parents are in Mornington.
“I’m in town for a thing, can I use your place?” is honestly a really sensible question.
I just…assumed it would be somewhere that I got to use for something when no one else was.
No, you are not over reacting at all. Can you ditch the spare room and car park to get your own place?
I can’t afford it without their help.
I’m renting a two bedroom place now, and the second room is my workspace. I’m already giving up the idea of a separate office (I’ll have to have the desk in my living space) in anywhere I buy.
You aren’t overreacting. I can’t add much given the excellent comments and advice you’ve already received here. My immediate worry was the costs, like the owners fees and whatnot. Are you expected to pay 100% of those? Pretty outrageous of your Olds actually, if that’s the case. Also, regarding the whole “why would you need to go in there” question: even empty unused rooms need to be cleaned regularly. Dust, mould and pests can still accumulate if places are closed up. They need a dust, vacuum and open curtains and windows to freshen the place up even if they’re not in use. Do your folks expect it to be sealed like a tomb? Seems a bit silly. What if “their” bathroom has a leak? Or the roof leaks?
I am, yeah, because all going to plan I get the whole apartment when they die.
Trouble is I have to live in it now
not over reacting
in such a small home you should be using all of it
when guests come over you are converting your space into guest space
also, bedrooms are small now adays
Question.
Do they expect to just turn up unannounced anytime?
I would assume not - we’ve habitually extended some warning, but the warning may be short. Could be the day of, could be a day or two before.
For example, last time I hosted my Dad (I gave him my bedroom and slept on the living room floor on my yoga mat) I had about six hours or so warning.
Fed him that night, gave him somewhere to sleep, fed him the next day, it was fine. Not super comfortable, my floor is tiled, but it worked
tombruzzo@aussie.zone 1 month ago
No, I think that’s fair enough. Parents offer to help out with things then put the weirdest conditions on their help.
It sounds like they want a holiday home in the city but are taking the “cheap” option by helping you buy a place
Alamutjones@aussie.zone 1 month ago
I’m honestly on board with hosting people at need. I have a brother interstate, I have a sister and her kids in Gippsland, my parents are in Mornington.
“I’m in town for a thing, can I use your place?” is honestly a really sensible question.
I just…assumed it would be somewhere that I got to use for something when no one else was. A comfy chair and maybe a bookshelf for my National Geographics would have done, so the room wasn’t wasted space when I was the only one living there.
Seagoon_@aussie.zone 1 month ago
No. Parents don’t. I don’t and have never and never would.
talk, discuss, respect, compromise,
and if you give something it is theirs to do with as they wish
If the parents want a half share in an apartment they can use they should at minimum have it legal.
And why should Alamut have to pay rates, insurance and expenses on their room?
tombruzzo@aussie.zone 1 month ago
You’re one of the good parents then. I was facing similar restrictions when my dad helped me finance the car. He’d been doing too much YouTube research by what sounded like very bias channels and had very specific ideas on what sort of car he would like me to get
Seagoon_@aussie.zone 1 month ago
I really do try very hard to respect Miss Seagoon’s judgement and personal preferences. I am very much of the belief that everyone in a family is equal and has equal say. Might not have say so or responsibility but everyone counts.
For example, Miss Seagoon might not like a B’day present I got her. That’s fine. She can give it away to a friend who does like it. She has other gifts and I will get her another thing. It’s not a problem.