SeeMarkFly
@SeeMarkFly@lemmy.ml
- Comment on Based on a true story 1 day ago:
Jesus loves you. Me: “Why would he tell you and not me”
- Comment on Mark Zuckerberg leaves stranded boat passengers to die in middle of the Pacific. 6 days ago:
Bootstraps don’t work at sea??? How would he know?
- Comment on This is for fighting this is for fun 1 week ago:
The only reason I need a clarinet is so you can hear the noises in my head too.
- Comment on when you fart and the smell hits different 1 week ago:
A normal, healthy person will pass gas about once an hour.
Good luck.
- Comment on [deleted] 1 week ago:
When they first started the noise for blind people to cross, the mockingbirds learned the “song” and would sing at very inappropriate times. That made the city change their tune.
- Comment on when you fart and the smell hits different 1 week ago:
I’m just glad I could brighten your day.
I’ll be here all week. Try the buffet.
- Comment on Theft 1 week ago:
I sharpened my pitchfork.
THEN I had it gold plated for this occasion.
- Comment on This is the chore that never ends 1 week ago:
Good idea.
Make the dish cabinet ANOTHER dishwasher.
- Comment on when you fart and the smell hits different 1 week ago:
Farts
In particular, what to say after you fart in a crowd (or elevator).
“Take that!”
“What do you say?” like prompting a child to say thank you.
“That’ll be five bucks, you pervert”
“Not a bad sound out of a half inch speaker”
“Did you hear that spider bark?"
“Someone step on a duck?”
“That duck’s got bad breath”
Forest Area Reticulated Tree Spiders (FARTS)
“A bit more choke and that engine will start”
“Did you hear what that asshole just said?”
“There’s someone behind me talking shit!”
“Keep shouting Sir, we’ll find you”
“So sayeth the King”
“I shouldn’t have trusted that one”
“I don’t remember eating that.”
“That’s gonna itch when it dries”
‘‘Two sniffs of that would be greedy’’
“The the horns working, now try the lights”
“Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk”
“The Rear Admiral has spoken”
(Just before you fart) “Alexa, play something by Ed Sheeran”
“Don’t worry, (name), I’ll tell them it was me!”
“You’ve/I’ve got a turd honking for the right of way.”
“Ahh, the ghost of dinners past”
“You got that one for free, next one you will have to pull my finger”
“As foretold by The Prophecy.”
“Now your turn”
The toothless one speaks !
“Sounds much better after my tune up”
“Aaaand…scene!”
“That was supposed to be a song but came out of the wrong end”
“Message from turd castle”
“Glad I’m not in my Space Suit”
“Damn! I was saving that for the elevator”
“An empty house is better than a bad tenant”
“Guess what I had for my last meal”
“This haaause is noww cleeeean”
“carpet frogs”
“Now that I have your attention, we will have a moment of silence for all those that have died in elevator accidents”
- Comment on Ecosystem services 1 week ago:
My dog eats a lot of nasty stuff too. If it’s not any good, it comes back up.
- Comment on When you’re guests won’t leave and you just want to go to bed 2 weeks ago:
That may be, but WHY would he tell YOU???
- Comment on New clean energy comes out. *look inside* It’s just boiling water again… 2 weeks ago:
- Comment on this absolute bullshit from reddit 4 weeks ago:
NOBODY was expecting logic. That’s for AI use only.
- Comment on My bad babe 4 weeks ago:
I don’t suffer, it’s the people around me that suffer. I’m just doin’ what comes naturally.
- Comment on Saving (2) 5 weeks ago:
Now isn’t that funny. Mad Magazine is a better education than school.
One of them is looking further down the road than the other.
- Comment on Saving (2) 5 weeks ago:
I’ve had that magazine taken away from me during class by a teacher trying to teach me about checks and balances in our government.
- Comment on Saving (2) 5 weeks ago:
Joke’s on them, I can’t afford it. ALL the jobs are offshore.
The might be able to sell me some more debt…if the price is good.
- Comment on Saving (2) 5 weeks ago:
It’s just like a virus, it won’t go away. Microsoft’s built-in virus.
- Comment on Horror story 1 month ago:
That negates the entire biblical story too.
- Comment on Skeletor laying down, out and about FYI 1 month ago:
What to say after you fart in a crowd (or elevator).
“Take that!”
“What do you say?” like prompting a child to say thank you.
“That’ll be five bucks, you pervert”
“Not a bad sound out of a half inch speaker”
“Did you hear that spider bark?"
“Someone step on a duck?”
“That duck’s got bad breath”
Forest Area Reticulated Tree Spiders (FARTS)
“A bit more choke and that engine will start”
“Did you hear what that asshole just said?”
“There’s someone behind me talking shit!”
“Keep shouting Sir, we’ll find you”
“So sayeth the King”
“I shouldn’t have trusted that one”
“I don’t remember eating that.”
“That’s gonna itch when it dries”
‘‘Two sniffs of that would be greedy’’
“The the horns working, now try the lights”
“Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk”
“The Rear Admiral has spoken”
(Just before you fart) “Alexa, play something by Ed Sheeran”
“Don’t worry, (name), I’ll tell them it was me!”
“You’ve/I’ve got a turd honking for the right of way.”
“Ahh, the ghost of dinners past”
“You got that one for free, next one you will have to pull my finger”
“As foretold by The Prophecy.”
“Now your turn”
The toothless one speaks !
“Sounds much better after my tune up”
“Aaaand…scene!”
“That was supposed to be a song but came out of the wrong end”
“Message from turd castle”
“Glad I’m not in my Space Suit”
“Damn! I was saving that for the elevator”
“An empty house is better than a bad tenant”
“Guess what I had for my last meal”
“This haaause is noww cleeeean”
“carpet frogs”
“Now that I have your attention, we will have a moment of silence for all those that have died in elevator accidents”
- Comment on Horror story 1 month ago:
I saw a conspiracy theory that said we used to live on Mars but we polluted it so much that, to survive, we had to send a rocket with two children to the next planet, called Earth. Then everyone died.
The children’s names were Adam and Eve.
- Comment on Just me and my cement truck 2 months ago:
I say TWO cement trucks, just to be sure. We have nothing better to do.
- Comment on Where are we heading? 2 months ago:
The boss said TODAY and he wasn’t smiling.
Yea, some of the sculptures is saw in Mexico took generations to finish. How did they get paid when they didn’t FINISH anything?
- Comment on Colorado Governor Jared Polis once again vetoes bill that would make it easier for unions to organize 2 months ago:
I envy the wordsmiths. Such elegant words. They should get some credibility. Maybe a Poetic License?
- Comment on Where are we heading? 2 months ago:
What were you expecting for THIS minimum wage?
Years ago the entire family would work on that same sculpture for DECADES. The boss wanted that by closing TODAY!
- Comment on Colorado Governor Jared Polis once again vetoes bill that would make it easier for unions to organize 2 months ago:
Life should be easy. I wouldn’t want it any other way.
I’m confused why someone with enough money to make them puke wants make it difficult for ME.
- Comment on Colorado Governor Jared Polis once again vetoes bill that would make it easier for unions to organize 2 months ago:
His “replacement” will be worse.
Politicians were supposed to be the people’s union and protect the “little man”. Greed took control. Look at what greed does.
- Comment on Colorado Governor Jared Polis once again vetoes bill that would make it easier for unions to organize 2 months ago:
Just remember, it’s not D vs R, it’s rich vs poor.
He’s just trying to KEEP it that way.
- Comment on Annoying neighbor 2 months ago:
LOL. Comments are turned OFF.
They don’t care or they already know?
- Comment on Annoying neighbor 2 months ago:
What you are looking for is jazz lessons.
For jazz, you play the instrument is such a way that the listener wants to take it away from you.
Very effective.
