geological contingency plan

Comments

• janus2@lemmy.zip ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  how to assassinate a…

  chemist: just keep challenging them to make more and more unstable and/or toxic compounds. if they’ve made it past FOOF gas, up the ante by saying “ok now do a 1-pot synth”

  microbiologist: accidentally a little pathogenic virulence factors into their E. coli supply and poke some holes in the laminar hood HEPA. (don’t do this if you share a bathroom with them)

  particle physicist: take a couple screws out of one of the hundreds of ladders around the facility

  theoretical physicist: remove a manhole cover in one of their usual walking paths, Looney Tunes style

  biochemist: sabotage all their grant proposals and they’ll take care of their own assassination

  computer scientist: fucking don’t they’re an endangered species now

  entomologist: literally indestructible don’t even bother trying. these motherfuckers raise botfly larvae in their own limbs for shits and giggles. i fear no man. but entomologists… they scare me

  mathematician: use a gun

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  • The_v@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Molecular biologist: repeatedly spike their samples and reagents to cause random failures. Eventually lack of sleep from running it “just one more time” will kill them.

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  • BambiDiego@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Marine Biologist: You can’t kill a 13 year old girl, no one actually becomes a marine biologist, they just all want to.

    Sociologist: Trick them into going to a psychology convention, the crowd will do the work for you.

    Psychologist: See above, reverse it. Might be harder to trick, tell them someone in there said they’re just an anthropologist who’s bad at math.

    Anthropologist: Take away their teaching license, can no longer feed themselves because no one else is hiring them.

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  • serenissi@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    the Galois reference is the best

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    • janus2@lemmy.zip ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      yes that was definitely intentional and absolutely not just an anti-joke i used when i ran out of ideas. excellent catch 😎👉👉

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    • tetris11@feddit.uk ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      For anyone wondering, Galois was a mathematician who postulated that you could simplify any problem with a gun

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• whyNotSquirrel@sh.itjust.works ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  where’s the picture of the knife?

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  • Akasazh@feddit.nl ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Image

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    • Tetragrade@leminal.space ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      That’s cool. Obsidian is the strongest block so I bet it’s a very effective weapon.

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  • janus2@lemmy.zip ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    rocks or gtfo!

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  • Dagnet@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    You trying to get yourself killed?!

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  • thegreekgeek@midwest.social ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Came here to say this, they can’t just tease us like that.

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• ceenote@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I wish I’d known about this strategy when my rival picked geologist as his starting Pokémon.

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  • WhyIHateTheInternet@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Fun fact: you can kill most anyone or thing with a baseball bat at any time you like.

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    • MajorMajormajormajor@lemmy.ca ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      A wild student loan appears!

      MajorMajormajormajor used baseball bat!

      It’s not very effective…

      MajorMajormajormajor has fainted from the effort.

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• TheLeadenSea@sh.itjust.works ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I can’t read this without imagining it in Jeaney Collects’s voice

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• Dam_nedShe_fossil@mander.xyz ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Haha, I’m in danger.

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  • janus2@lemmy.zip ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    cool rock tax pls

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• HasturInYellow@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Obsidian has been used extensively as weapons for hunting and tools for preparing food for thousands and thousands of years.

  But yea like other stones, it breaks.

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