He prescribes ibuprofen. You have a one in a billion allergy to one of the normally inert binders in the pill. You don’t tell him the entire truth about why you missed one of the questions on a quiz you got in second grade. He has to perform an exploratory ear amputation and reattachment to treat for potential parasites which is inconclusive but the way the stitches fit so precisely hints towards a plasticization effect which can only be lupus or thermogenic palmerization of the t-cells exacerbated by stress induced by cheating, which is why you missed the question in second grade… You actually knew the answer but cheated off your friend who had the wrong answer the whole time!
I'm in danger
Submitted 1 day ago by Stamets@lemmy.dbzer0.com to memes@sopuli.xyz
https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/pictrs/image/330b81d7-d24f-465c-9952-d2a15b160e04.webp
Comments
dnick@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
tetris11@feddit.uk 5 hours ago
He suggests an MRI, but you keep fainting in the machine and the results are always blurry. He breaks into your house and finds WW2 memorabilia that suggests you’re far older than you look. He runs blood tests and finds extremely high concetration of iron, so he hooks you to a dialysis machine to stabilize your bloods. Every metallic medical instrument in the hospital becomes attracted to you in response to the lack of iron, and as he hobbles into the room, you use your mutant power to pin him to the wall with his cane. With his last ounce of breath House rigs up the ECG machine floating nearby to emit an EMP. The whole hospital drops to the floor and you go back into a coma. Later, a gruff Canadian man resembling a honeybadger whisks you away in the middle of the night.
Atomic@sh.itjust.works 5 hours ago
Don’t be ridiculous. It’s never lupus.
dnick@sh.itjust.works 1 hour ago
It’s never lupus, but lupus is never ruled out.
ikidd@lemmy.world 1 day ago
<plays air guitar on his cane>
Feathercrown@lemmy.world 8 hours ago
Multiplexer@discuss.tchncs.de 1 day ago
So right at this specific moment you are simultaneously doomed and salvaged.
djsoren19@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 day ago
Did the patient ever die on House? I’ve only seen random episodes from back in ye olden days of watching whatever was on TV, and in all the episodes I watched he saved the patient in the end. Compared to the actual U.S. healthcare system that rarely cares what’s wrong with you and will often do nothing until it’s too late, I think I’d take my chances with House.
bleistift2@sopuli.xyz 1 day ago
Amber died. Also he lost a patient called Esther before the show started. Then there’s the crush victim from one of the season finales. The pox episode had some patients die. So did the organ recipients from the beginning of season 4.
These are all that come to my mind. The casualties were either not salvagable (crush victim) or House managed to save one out of a group of sick people. Still an impressive success ratio, like in any hospital show.
Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 18 hours ago
it was the ricketsialpox episode, when they thought it was smallpox. and the forman had neglaria fowleri infection.
helpImTrappedOnline@lemmy.world 15 hours ago
Yo, the commenter said they only watched some episodes and you decide to drop a big spoiler right of that bat?
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 23 hours ago
Then there’s the crush victim
holy fuck statesian romance goes hardcore
Stamets@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
Oh yeah tons. Season 1 had an infant die that House had to do an autopsy on, a pregnant mother die as well, and a homeless woman from rabies. Season 2 had a kid die from a radioactive keychain given to him by his dad, a cop die after slowly losing his mind and the same thing infecting Foreman, a mom who kills her kid as well and Chase killing a woman too (granted that’s the start of the episode and the crux of the whole thing). Season 3 has a homeless man with terminal cancer, a woman who dies from a bad bra, a guy who gets diagnosed with a terminal lung cancer and a famous medical scientist who hates himself. Season 4 had a disabled dude in a wheelchair die and a clinic patient die after electrocuting himself in front of House in the same episode. Also had Amber die in the final episode. Season 5 had a pregnant teenager die from eclampsia during a Christmas episode and an old woman die of old woman. Season 6 had a “drug dealer” die of being a pig, Chase kills Darth Vader and a building falls on someone else. Season 7 had a father die of a viral infection, a mom who protects her kid and a guy lying to his wife about his job die of some genetic disease. Season 8 only has a dude die and House steal the body.
22 episodes out of 177. 12ish%? Not too bad.
Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 18 hours ago
there was the eye cancer patient that died, and the overweight pregnant teen, who hid her pregnancy and she got pre-eclampsia, which was fatal if untreated.
Kn1ghtDigital@lemmy.zip 1 day ago
It’s never lupus
cobysev@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Until the one time it was.
Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 18 hours ago
its not sarcoidosis, or amalydosis either, or some form of cancer.
BigBananaDealer@lemmy.world 1 day ago
MORE MOUSE BITES
Feathercrown@lemmy.world 8 hours ago
This vexes me
BlameTheAntifa@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Could it be sarcoidosis?
harambe69@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
Please don’t lie to him
Thorry@feddit.org 1 day ago
Presenting to the emergency room
aeronmelon@lemmy.world 1 day ago
The good news is you’re probably saved. The bad news is you’re going to be on the brink of death for a week before that.