Maybe polyamory is something for you
Comment on Anon catches his wife
ThirdWorldOrder@lemm.ee 4 months ago
I had a girlfriend in my 20s that used to hook up with other girls. For some reason I never considered that cheating and never cared. No idea why it never bothered me.
smokeymcpott@feddit.de 4 months ago
ThirdWorldOrder@lemm.ee 4 months ago
I’m in my early 40s with four kids now and that seems like way too much work lol. To be clear though, I definitely would have considered it cheating if she was with another dude. It was just with other women it wasn’t an issue at all for me.
yetiftw@lemmy.world 4 months ago
in that case you may have some unrealized homophobia, causing you to not view queer interactions as fully valid compared to straight interactions
ThirdWorldOrder@lemm.ee 4 months ago
lol what? Not sure what you read but I said I had no problem with my girlfriend with other girls.
Furthermore I’ve hung out with tons of gay people. My brother was gay (died of fentanyl). Zero issues with whatever people want to do in their bedroom. None of my business anyway.
FUBAR@lemm.ee 4 months ago
I’m with you on this. It doesn’t feel like cheating at all unless it’s with a man
ThirdWorldOrder@lemm.ee 4 months ago
Might even get a threesome out of it!
Passerby6497@lemmy.world 4 months ago
My thoughts exactly. My wife loves being with other women, and we both like mff relationships, so we just got a girlfriend. Solves so many problems and makes raising a kid together so much easier with an extra set of hands. Makes the various medical issues between all of us easier to deal with.
uis@lemm.ee 4 months ago
Way to break serial monogamy cycle
samus12345@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Even in cases where it ends a relationship, there’s something slightly less bad about a partner cheating on you with a gender different than your own. “What do they have that I don’t have?? Oh, right, boobs/a dick.”
ThirdWorldOrder@lemm.ee 4 months ago
Yeah that probably has a lot to do with it now that you mention it.
blind3rdeye@lemm.ee 4 months ago
Should it bother you? Was yoru girlfriend being dishonest to you, or mistreating you? In the end, if you’re fine with it, then its fine.
ThirdWorldOrder@lemm.ee 4 months ago
I’ve seen more often than not (like this post) that other guys are uncomfortable and consider their girlfriend with another girl a deal breaker. To me it makes no sense.
My girlfriend never really talked to me about it, just kinda found out or she might mention something here or there. Didn’t really matter.
This was also back in the day - raves, bars, drinking, drugs, sex. The good old days lol.
Baggie@lemmy.zip 4 months ago
It’s never bothered me as a concept either, though I’ve never had it tested. I figure it’s just a inbuilt bias or underlying thought pattern that has been built in from an early age. Not the best honestly, but not really a battle worth prioritising either.
Ookami38@sh.itjust.works 4 months ago
Relationships are all different and unique. Something that’s cheating to you may not be to this relationship, or vice versa. I’m a proponent of open relationships, with good communication - if we discuss it and there’s no deception, it’s not cheating.
flying_sheep@lemmy.ml 4 months ago
Traditional relationship models are so weird.
Making up all these different definitions of “cheating” vs “emotional cheating” and distinguishing them from other instances of hurtfully not honoring agreements.
It’s just that: people have an agreement with each other and one of them expressed that it’s very important for them emotionally for the other to honor it. Then the other didn’t. That expectedly hurts.
Why is there a special word when the agreement is about sex?
AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 4 months ago
They aren’t even “traditional” really. We didn’t start pairing off in “lifelong partnerships,” aka marriage, until a few thousand years ago. We spent hundreds of thousands of years existing in communal tribes.
flying_sheep@lemmy.ml 4 months ago
I’m not disagreeing with your core message: monogamy isn’t “older” than polygamy. But Nether is it the other way around: We probably did both since very long ago.
The notion that there’s a human “tech tree” of civilization is wrong. E.g. Agriculture doesn’t “follow” hunting and gathering, and neither does centralized power (like in a state) “follow” agriculture. Humans have been experimenting with social structures since basically the beginning.
So within the last tens of millenia, there were probably societies that were monogamous, some that were polygamous, and some that rotated or did both, and of these some depending on some social stratification and some depending on personal preference.
Source: “The dawn of everything”
ThirdWorldOrder@lemm.ee 4 months ago
I totally hear you there. No problem with whatever people want to do. Everyone should be able to pursuit their happiness if it isn’t causing others harm or distress. Live and let live.