I did all those things. Where fight?
Comment on It helps to set your preferred age range from 18-110 for full coverage
MrVilliam@lemmy.world 2 months agoThis is the truth. Focus on yourself for now. Learn things, get good at stuff, advance your career, understand different perspectives, cook and eat healthy food that tastes good. Be somebody you really want to spend time with. A significant chunk of this is just you being confident and comfortable in who you are. Then people (including women) will be interested in spending time with you.
It helps to not be broke or ugly, but dressing well and washing yourself and smelling pleasant can get you pretty far.
magic_lobster_party@kbin.run 2 months ago
Norgur@kbin.social 2 months ago
You do understand that everything you said and the sentence "be comfortable with who you are" are a contradiction, right? Fulfilling all the other stuff you mentioned will take massive amounts of energy of you're not the type who does them naturally, trapping you in a cycle of "still not good enough". Vigorous self-improvement is quickly becoming the "high performer" equivalent to bulimia: a form of utter self-hatred expressed as pseudo-beneficial behavior that actually does way more harm than good.
Truth is: love is chance. You might be able to increase the odds somewhat, but in the end, none of us can really control if we.end up meeting someone we will be able to spend our lives together. Trying to constantly be different tha you'd be naturally (trying to be the career guy with hobbies sports and eating healthy, while deep down you are a lazy ass couch potato) will increase your chances of meeting someone, bit I'd argue it will not increase your chances of being happy with someone. Or being happy with yourself for that matter.
Paradachshund@lemmy.today 2 months ago
This is true. I went through a long period of this exact pattern in my early 20s and while some positives came out of it, it also made never feel good enough and like I always had to change things to be better. Nothing was ever enough and it was depressing and exhausting.
I only realized how toxic the pattern has become when I started going to therapy. The therapist pointed out that all of my appreciation towards myself was conditional. I only felt good if condition x/y/z was met, and there were always new condition to make me feel not good enough anymore. He encouraged me not to remove all conditional appreciation, but to try and find an equal degree of unconditional appreciation and love towards myself that wasn’t based on others. Not easy to do, but it made a real impression on me and it changed my outlook, even if I don’t always succeed.
snausagesinablanket@lemmy.world 2 months ago
qooqie@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Controversial opinion: very few people are ugly if they take care of themselves.
Crashumbc@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Actual controversial opinion: I wish people would stop saying bullshit like this. And it is utter and complete bullshit.
There are MANY ugly people and for them taking care of themselves helps of course but, ain’t going to change them facts. They’re ugly…
qooqie@lemmy.world 2 months ago
It’s not bullshit, average is average for a reason. Most people are average or slightly below average and if they just take care of themselves they will look a ton better. Attractiveness is on a bell curve not a straight line.
pseudo@jlai.lu 2 months ago
Controvertial opinion : while beauty is attractive, plenty of people are attracted to the care spend on oneself. That’s why some people like styles other hate and for a short time some suddently love the trendy look they found ugly not long ago.
1984@lemmy.today 2 months ago
Lol :)