Comment on [deleted]

nutbutter@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

• LurkingLuddite@piefed.social ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  What if my dick is still in a can?

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  • gurty@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Check the expiration date, but you should be okay.

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  • fonix232@fedia.io ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    This you?

    Attachment: media.fedia.io ↗

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    • FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Ridiculous. That shi should never be sold in a can.

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      • yilian@sopuli.xyz ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        [deleted]

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    • Schmoo@slrpnk.net ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      British food isn’t real, British food can’t hurt you.

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      • Honytawk@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        Throws can of Heinz Spotted Dick Sponge Pudding

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  • NihilsineNefas@slrpnk.net ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Maybe heating the metal of the can will cause it to expand and release the cylinder?

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    • CelloMike@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      The cylinder MUST remain unharmed

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  • toynbee@piefed.social ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Keep it away from Prince Albert.

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    • FistingEnthusiast@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      I like my prince Albert…

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      • fonix232@fedia.io ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        Same bro, same.

        I mean I like my own. Not yours.

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  • BonsaiBoo@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Was it put there by a man?

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    • faythofdragons@slrpnk.net ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      In a factory, downtown?

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• toynbee@piefed.social ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  A long time ago, back on reddit, someone posted a link to a site that was something like ratemydickpic.com. That doesn’t load but a cursory DDG search brings up some similar sites.

  On that site, people would post their dick pics, as you might guess. The owner of the site would review not the dicks, but the pics. Lighting, framing, effort, etc. (I don’t know much about photography.) I remember specifically that several of the commenters (and I, though I was mostly a lurker) observed their approval of the fact that the phalluses didn’t matter, it was just the setup of the pic. In fact, several of the pictures were of non-external-genital-havers (I’m genuinely trying to be inclusive, so I apologize if that’s offensive) using various forms of prosthetics, but that didn’t factor into the reviews at all.

  I’ve never been the type to send those kinds of photos. Back when Snapchat was big for dirty pictures, my wife and I decided to try it out. We installed it, sent each other one naughty photo each, and uninstalled it. (Not quite in such short order … But basically.) However, were I to do so, I would do so consensually and probably have appreciated the lesions from a site like the above.

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• Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Is it even possible for common man to take artistic nudes of themselves? Or is it just so far out the realms of average guys that it might as well be impossible?

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  • TeddE@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Yes. It is very possible for average dudes to look incredible naked, even to traditional beauty standards. Plenty of gay photographers take on this challenge and have portfolios filled with such shots (presumably in part for the challenge and in part for the subject matter).

    Technically this is a tangent to the question you asked, save for the case where they do nude self-portraits. Nonetheless, I have been to a few homes where all the walls filled with their own photos of basically average gay bears in posing in very artistic ways that I’d assume were professional models, if not for the fact that I could identify subjects to their local ‘online dating’ profiles. (And to be clear, while some photos definitely have ‘I’m here to fuck’ energy, many more were going for tender vibes and artistic poses).

    Guys with [good, interesting] tattoos appear to make great photography subjects - I suspect that it gives the artist something to compose the rest of the shot around. Unless you’re a modern prude, tattoos don’t carry the stigma they used to, they’re [often] artistic, and broadly well-fitted to the male beauty aesthetic.

    Wish I could give you names and such, but in my defense I generally wasn’t visiting to see the wall art.

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    • Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      That’s good to know.

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  • fonix232@fedia.io ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    An artistic nude doesn't need a "perfect" model. In fact what you're describing is the distorted expectations set by the media towards men. Most women are NOT into that.

    Also, neither dad bod nor "bear mode" require "shit tons of muscle mass just with a slight faded abs".

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    • Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Yeah, good point. Not properly understanding attraction in the first place and even less so from womens perspective has probably distorted the exceptions by media too much.

      That part does probably come from rage bait of off season Chris Bumstead being referred to as having dad bad.

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  • Gladaed@feddit.org ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    A lot of female nudes are also boring. It’s just that men tend to wander in the disgusting camp.

    It surely helps that a lot of nudes of woman online tend to be made for profit. This warps the perception of reality.

    Looking at gone wild it’s pretty equal.

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    • Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Fair point, as i said it’s biased opinion.

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  • FistingEnthusiast@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    I’m a middle-aged man who doesn’t exercise whatsoever and drinks heavily

    I post a variety of stuff, from unhinged performance art to fairly elegant artistic nudes

    They’re all well-received

    They take effort, but I guarantee that the things that you think make a good photo aren’t what most women are looking for

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    • Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      That’s good to know, I’ve probably been influenced too much by social medias rage bait regarding that matter. Thanks for the grounding.

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      • FistingEnthusiast@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        Whatever you do, completely ignore what guys say (with the notable exception of men like myself)

        If you want to know what women like, ask women

        And actually listen to them

        None of the “yeah, but” bullshit

        There is no “but”

        Just listen to women.

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  • SolarMonkey@slrpnk.net ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    I think what a lot of people don’t realize is just how many shots are needed to get that one good one. Especially if doing it yourself.

    I sent a really classy-looking black and white (because it evened out my skin and made the lace look extra nice) once, and it took me about 40 tries to get one I liked enough to send it. It took awkward positions, my arm got tired af, and if you’d been there in person it looked dumb as hell. Arms in weird places to hide them, legs bent funny, you get the idea. I had to try numerous poses to see what worked and didn’t, and it took about 45 minutes.

    I’m by no means a photographer, I’m by no means a model, I’m not even a sexually-inclined person, but I am stubborn and persistent, and I’m introspective enough to know that if I think it looks nice and classy, most others will too.

    I think that’s why women tend to have artistic photos and men tend to look like the swamp thing. Dude nudes tend to be the first pic they take, quality be damned. And often in dirty mirrors (do guys not know how to hold a phone to take a selfie without a mirror?).

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    • Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Now that i think about. I have been a bystander few times when some women have taken pictures, it does seem to take a lot of takes and time. Last one was a random birthday picture and even that took around 20-30 minutes and uncountable number of takes, i got bored, stopped counting and went to the kitchen to grab something to eat.

      At the same time i haven’t seen many men do the same they seem to just take a random first picture, even if that and that’s good enough. The exclusion seems to be guys who are photographers or are into it as a hobby.

      (do guys not know how to hold a phone to take a selfie without a mirror?).

      No, i do not. I wasn’t even aware thats possible. After 4+ years of training and trying to take peogress pics at the end of each phase, i still haven’t figured out how to take pictures of my back or frontal pictures without a mirror.

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      • SolarMonkey@slrpnk.net ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        I wouldn’t be able to take a selfie of my back without a mirror or the timer function, either, so thats normal I think. Frontal selfies aren’t too hard though.

        You might benefit from a selfie-stick, or learning to use the timer on your camera app, they really help if you aren’t already accustomed to the hand contortions required to selfie with phone alone.

        Otherwise it’s a weird and uncomfortable balancing act where you frame the phone with your index finger up the side, pinky supporting the bottom, two middle fingers holding the back, and hitting the photo button with your thumb.

        Examples:

        Image

        Image

        Image

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  • CultLeader4Hire@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Yes! The meme is literal! Get some eye candy on gonewild going if we want the grow the community having a lot of good OC nudes is what we need, do it for Lemmy

    For real though the meme is real, that’s a very sexy pic 🥵

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    • Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      My wife would probably not be really happy if i were to do that and besides im way too insecure/unconfident/uncomfortable(something in that ballpark) with pictures in the first place, i would never take a nude at all. Though i admire the people with the ability to do it.

      I have to take your word on it.

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      • youcantreadthis@quokk.au ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        For fucks sake ask your wife nudes don’t have to be selfies

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  • endless_nameless@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Yes it is possible, and quite fun. I think the main thing with artful nudes is decentering the genitals and kind of focusing more on the whole body. It doesn’t need to erect, fully exposed, and center of the frame. I’ve got a picture of me posing sort of wrapped around a rifle, flaccid dick half covered by the rifle. I by no means have an impressive body, I’m very skinny and not very tall, but this image fucking KILLS whenever I share it. The image has a sort of juxtiposition between the shy/coy body language and the rifle being a symbol of strength/power. You feel me?

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    • Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      That’s a good point. Male nudes usually do seem to be more of a just dick picks than taking the overall composition into consideration.

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  • edwardbear@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Under 10% is, yes, mostly unachievable for most people. But I think you might underestimate exactly what it means to be under 10%. You are basically a dried slug under 10%. For almost any body type, around 18%-20% body fat makes you universally sexy, especially if you put 2 hours in the gym a week, or you are generally outgoing/sporty.

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    • Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      I’d argue that significantly more is needed than just 2h per week in the gym and roughly 18-25%. 15%+ and abs are barely visible and I’ve been called fat peak bulk just because stomach was filled with food and I wasn’t flexing abs, faint outline was still visible.

      but my view does seem to be rather distorted, so i wouldn’t be able to argue against it in good nature.

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  • BonsaiBoo@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    If it’s a Botero nude, sure.

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    • Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      What’s that?

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      • BonsaiBoo@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        Famous Colombian painter who painted everyone as obese

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• FistingEnthusiast@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Obviously NSFW

  And sorry for the reddit links

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• hanrahan@slrpnk.net ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Michelangelo’s David ?

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  • nutbutter@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    He has a nice physique and amazing hair. I have neither.

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• FistingEnthusiast@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  !Image!<

  Obviously NSFW

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