Comment on Excuse the fuck me?

Krono@lemmy.today ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

• Duranie@leminal.space ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  In a scenario like this, I don’t know that there’s fault to be had.

  Big picture (my opinion as a 53yo) 23 is still young and it’s not uncommon for people and their priorities to change as they find direction in life. Even if you remained healthy, there’s other growing and changes occurring that may have eventually lead to the end of the relationship - it’s the risk we take when we make ourselves vulnerable to someone.

  Is it unfortunate? Yes. Sad? Absolutely. Depressing and entirely unfair? No question. But you both lost the future you were hoping to have together. Wishing you better to come.

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• pigup@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  I try to go around life believing that nobody owes me anything in any way shape or form. Thus, I should be thankful for anything that I have.

  She gave you a year, then she decided to leave. Technically, that makes it her fault. But exactly what does determining this accomplish for anyone or anything? Life will just randomly kick the shit out of you and tear you a new one. We all have to adapt and survive and negotiate. If that means leaving an optional strenuous situation, then that’s what has to happen. It’s life.

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• SlippiHUD@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  My problem isn’t necessarily with her leaving. Assuming she left with tact. Which I doubt.

  But the audacity to leave someone and then feel entitled to thier time when it suits you, is insane.

  What happens if he gets sick again, will she again leave? Will she come back when he’s better? How many times is she entitled to this cycle?

  This person needs therapy, she is outrageously selfish.

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• AstralPath@lemmy.ca ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Dunno, man. Its hard to say. When you marry you take vows. Breaking those vows is a massive no-no in my eyes.

  Unmarried couples have never vowed to take care of each other in sickness and in health. On those grounds, I think its fair to say that leaving is not unethical. Doesn’t change the fact that its absolutely devastating and worthy of scrutiny regardless.

  Sorry you had to go through that.

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  • ExcessShiv@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    A fancy ceremony doesn’t change how people feel about the other person, nor the level of obligations they actually have (emotionally, financially it can get complicated). If you’re unhappy and they reason cannot be changed (like chronic illness requiring significant care) then you fucking leave if that’s what you want. Staying only creates two miserable people instead of one, and your partner will definitely understand even if it hurts.

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    • AstralPath@lemmy.ca ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      A fancy ceremony doesn’t change how people feel about the other person, nor the level of obligations they actually have

      You literally take an oath at the ceremony vowing to uphold an extremely high level of obligations to another person.

      If you’re making vows at a wedding ceremony that you feel you can just nope out on if shit hits the fan, why are you getting married? What is the point?

      I agree. The wedding shouldn’t change how you feel about the other person because you should already be 100% dedicated if you’re thinking of getting married.

      I made a vow to my wife when we got married to care for her in sickness and in health. I do not care what happens in life, I would never abandon her. Period. That is the burden of the vow I made. In my mind my personal integrity is foundationally attached to it.

      If you’re comfortable with abandoning a spouse over health issues, the marriage was a sham from the get go. Like, what are you doing at the ceremony? Making vows with your fingers crossed behind your back? 🤞🤞🤞

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      • Bo7a@lemmy.ca ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        A lot of people in the current culture we live in do not place any value on their word or honor. I don’t really blame people for this since the system we live in rewards exactly the opposite behavior.

        But it does make it very hard to communicate with people when you don’t have the same vocabulary.

        It seems like you and I believe a vow is something that you make and would hold yourself to regardless of circumstance. But the nature of our capitalistic society teaches us from very young age that if it will improve your standing, your finances, or your situation in some way, then it is okay to break your personal code.

        With that rambling paragraph in mind, it’s not surprising when we find out that most folks don’t have a personal code and vows mean nothing more than a pinky swear.

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      • ExcessShiv@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        You’re not understanding what I’m saying…whether or not you want to leave your partner when things go wrong is entirely independent of marriage. You don’t stay because you got married and now it’s just too bad, you stay because you love them. Marriage should be exactly zero percent of why you choose to stay. Staying with your partner, not because you want to but because you feel obligated, is just demeaning to them and cruel.

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      • hanrahan@slrpnk.net ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        If you’re making vows at a wedding ceremony that you feel you can just nope out on if shit hits the fan, why are you getting married? What is the point?

        I agree. The wedding shouldn’t change how you feel about the other person because you should already be 100% dedicated if you’re thinking of getting married

        And get married at 23, plan life of kids and whatever. Car accident a year later and she/he is a quadruped. What you’re describing isnt love, or devetion, it’s indentured servitude. If you truly love the other peraon you’d want them to leave.

        But it’s why I never plan on being married who the fucks knows what will happen tomorrow, let alone a decade down the road.

        Im 59, my parter (f 56) and I have had that discussion, she insists she’ll stay and take care of me if it happened and I said that will make me even more miserable and more depressed and I’d want her to leave.

        I cant even wrap my head around how selfish.amd self absorned you’d have to be to insists someone take care of you for decades of you were bedridden or even house bound etc

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• VinnyDaCat@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  It’s not so black and white. It really depends. There needs to be communication between both parties.

  It’s perfectly fine if one person says, “I can’t do this. I can’t go through with this.” Asking someone to stay by you until you die, or to carry the burden of your disability or sickness is a lot. If there’s a conversation held about it and one person wants out then it’s fine.

  One person simply leaving the moment it’s announced is a bit much though, especially if they decide to come back. As someone else said, it’s called having tact.

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• baines@lemmy.cafe ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  fault?, gf no if a wife yes

  but regardless a shit human being

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  • anton@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Should she have stayed and essentially worked as a nurse until he died?
    Just because they where in a relationship early in life?
    If the illness didn’t happen, they might have fallen out eventually, but because one is ill the other is morally bound for decades?

    If that’s your moral standard, you better spend every free minute of your life volunteering and every spare cent on charity, otherwise go fuck yourself!

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    • prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      If you get married, I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what you’re signing up for. So I tend to agree with the other commenter.

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      • baines@lemmy.cafe ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        hah same exact phrase was in my head

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      • anton@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        While I think even marriage has limits, baines said

        fault?, gf no if a wife yes
        but regardless a shit human being

        implying that leaving any romantic partner in that situation is immoral.

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    • baines@lemmy.cafe ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      depends how serious it was

      if it was a long term relationship already and otherwise good until the illness, yea it’s shitty and selfish of a partner to leave

      if it was just some short fling nah

      especially if married, literally part of what you signed up for and is a very real prospect of what Iight have to do myself in the future so money where my mouth is and all that

      you can take your strawman and shove it

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• GrammarPolice@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Good question, I’ll get back to you in a year

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