I’m 54 and most of the people I know are in their early 20s. We get along great and have plenty to talk about.
Comment on Anon dates a 19 y/o
neukenindekeuken@sh.itjust.works 5 weeks ago
And now you understand why older men dating young girls is creepy, even if legal.
They have nothing in common. There’s no way. It’s pure physical attraction above all else.
shalafi@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
mic_check_one_two@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 weeks ago
Yeah, I’m in my mid 30’s and my best friend is nearing 50. Believe it or not, people can have common interests that aren’t entirely reliant on their age.
Though I will say that age becomes less relevant as you get older… A 29 year old dating a 19 year old is pretty universally creepy, but few people would say the same about a 49 year old dating a 39 year old. Same age gap, but it’s assumed that the 39 year old has enough life experience to actually make their own decisions. Even in my mid-20’s, I was looking at 19 year olds as if they were literal children. There’s a lot of maturing that happens in the late teens and early 20’s.
mineralfellow@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
Half your age + 7 is a reasonable formula for determining creep factor.
WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 5 weeks ago
No, a 19 year old dating a 16 year old is still creepy.
MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip 5 weeks ago
You mean in the late 20’s and early 30’s. Not a lot of maturing until 25.
rumschlumpel@feddit.org 5 weeks ago
That depends on a lot of factors, e.g. whether they go to college or start working or doing trades directly after highschool.
neukenindekeuken@sh.itjust.works 5 weeks ago
Sure, but there’s a difference between hanging out with some 20 year olds, and being romantically involved with them.
The latter requires a hell of a lot of maturity and being in a similar place in life to deal with things life throws at you. The former just requires laughing at some meme together you both find funny.
thermal_shock@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
Lol I got downvoted for saying the same shit. Glad I’m not the only one who can see this.
shalafi@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
Agreed! But we had solid conversations, deep and involved. I was astonished at how mature and educated they were, forgot what I was like at that age.
I’ve found papers I wrote for school in my teens, thought, “Oh boy, this is gonna be some bullshit.” Read them and was surprised at my understanding of the world!
Guess my point is, I will never undersell the youth, not ever again. Dating someone half my age, meh, can’t really see it, but I do see it as possible for some.
neukenindekeuken@sh.itjust.works 5 weeks ago
That’s fair, and I would never say that youth are idiots or shouldn’t be listened to. That’s not true at all, I think they can have many valuable things to contribute to society, the conversation, the world, etc.
I’m strictly speaking about them as a romantic partner with such an age gap, especially one that starts when they’re 17/18 and the person they’re dating is in their 30’s or more. Nobody can convince me that that would be an equal relationship for both parties. I’ve attempted it in my late 20’s dating a few 18/19 year olds, and then again attempted it in my mid 30’s and it was a significantly worse experience.
They weren’t bad people in any way, or stupid, or immature in the pop-culture sense of the word. But the relationship was never going to work out, and it was because no matter which way you slice it, a mid 30’s man and a 19 or 20 year old girl are not at the same place in life. If they are, then it’s the older person who never grew up and is still behaving like a teenager.
thermal_shock@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
Friends and dating are not the same.
HalfSalesman@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
What if you like having sex with your friends?
thermal_shock@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
Nothing wrong with that, but they’re friends. I get a long with coworkers, clients, etc, but inside a romantic relationship is completely different.
WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 5 weeks ago
Then that is really fucking hot.
shalafi@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
Only saying, we had far more in common than I had thought. I was replying to someone who said winter/spring relationships are only about physical attraction.
WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 5 weeks ago
You don’t date though. A lot of people I know are young. Who else tf you going to meet nowadays.
Though I’d date 25+, screw 22+, not younger.
shalafi@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
Meh, I won’t put strict age limits on sex. Relationships? I can guess what would and wouldn’t work for me, but the world is a big place and people are wildly variable.
WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 5 weeks ago
Idk man. Isn’t screwing someone fresh out of high school a bit creepy? I mean come on, they were considered a kid maybe months ago. It’s suspicious if you do that.
FridaySteve@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
A lot of people are downvoting this because a 19 year old is an adult who can make their own choices and you are insinuating that there’s something so objectively wrong with dating an older person that it should be illegal.
neukenindekeuken@sh.itjust.works 5 weeks ago
I am not in any way suggesting it should be illegal. I don’t think I mentioned that once.
What I am insinuating that if you’re that young dating someone much older, there is almost always a massive power imbalance between the two in the relationship, romantically, and so it’s a very difficult thing to overcome.
If you’re a 30/40/50+ year old person dating a 19 year old, there is usually something wrong with one party, the other, or both in that scenario. A 19 year old, romantically, is not mature enough or at the same place in their life as a 50 year old person. This will, at best, strain the relationship significantly as each partner will want something different out of life as the relationship progresses.
If they don’t, then one of them is likely a deeply broken individual. And that’s usually going to be the much older person that’s got some issues happening.
The 19 year old truly doesn’t know any better, or thinks they do, or is getting something in trade like security from the much older person and they’re willing to give up other aspects of their life in trade for this.
Honytawk@lemmy.zip 5 weeks ago
Or both sides like to learn from each other and grow towards each other over time?
There are worse reasons why an extreme age gap is seen as creepy, “not knowing each others interests” is not one of them.