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Comment on Discussion Thread 📺 Monday 21 July 2025

Bottom_racer@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

Heading back down the beach today to tackle the unmentionable plant.

Had a few run ins w/ ol’ girl over the last few days so time to give it a rest and let ol’ boy decide what’s next. Her weight has gone from 53kg -> 42kg over 5 weeks and I just cannot get that to turn around because of refusal. She has it all there, food, supplements, hubby is a doc, someone willing to cook whatever whenever. Makes me feel pretty bad that I just couldn’t do it.

So pretty much looking at a PEG (feeding tube into tummy bypassing mouth / throat). Sounds bad but it’s not really, the alternative is far worse.

Can’t win them all.

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Taleya@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I’ve been in that situation and sometimes you just go a feeding tube. Because the whole physically eat mechanism is just…rooted. It’s not permanent (behold, my fat arse!) but I found during chemo that my whole desire and eating thing was just…no. And forcing it just made me feel sick.

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Thornburywitch@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Feels. Dis ain’t good. Long distance hugs and give that plant a smacking.

It occurs to me that the ancient ad - Did you have a good weekend? No, forgot the aeroguard - has an entirely new meaning now. This pleases me.

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Seagoon_@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
oh gees

she must be so weak by now but still stubborn, ( does she even know what she wants and what she’s protesting? )

so many hugs

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- Bottom_racer@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  She does, so i cook it, then she can’t eat it or if she can she’s no where eating near enough of it. I think of something else and she doesn’t want it because she didn’t ask for it.
  
  I really needed her to not refuse supplements as that’s the safety net.
  
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  - melbaboutown@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Are there any appetite stimulants (ie medication) that might work? Or is it something else?
    
    I’m sorry you and she are going through this
    
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    Bottom_racer@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    There are but it’s another layer of drugs that I’m not sure she’ll be receptive to. I think the main problem is her mouth and pain. She has a bunch of mouth numbing things but… refusal… grr.
    
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  - Seagoon_@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    I meant her long term wants or is she just living in the now ? It seems to me she just wants to assert herself , have some way of having say so in her life, and eating and not eating is one way she can do that.
    
    Maybe a way out of that is everyday ask her opinion about other things, that way she might be less defiant about food.
    
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    Bottom_racer@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    
    everyday ask her opinion about other things
    
    We do. That’s one of the harder things with this non-amnestic MCI. She remembers everything, has her opinions, remembers what’s happening currently in the news. There’s an aloofness there that is difficult to overcome when in conversation.
    
    The eating issues relate to a series of mouth ops in the past and now poor decision making about what she can (or will) eat. Only thing that slows that MCI business is eating and exercise. It’s basically compounding. Other thing with the MCI stuff is stress and anxiety. Ol’ boy and I are stressed about not enough food, makes her stressed, makes things worse. If ol’ boy and I aren’t banging on about food, she eats less which further… It’s fucked.
    
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Eagle@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Oh that’s tough. She won’t eat but will consent to a PEG?

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- Bottom_racer@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  This is what really worries me. I suspect she won’t. Ol’ boys’ field so I’m staying out of it. I think that conversation is happening today.
  
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  - Eagle@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Its a horrible spot to be in. She sounds incredibly strong and complex, and you’re all trapped in this cycle of trying to do the best for her.
    
    You’ve got a great grasp of what’s going on with her, and realising when you need to stap back to protect your relationship and yourself.
    
    There’s not going to be a single simple answer for her, she is driving the bus while ignoring her long term needs and the people around her trying to provide support and direction. A PEG may just be the answer though. She can get the nutrition she needs to function and heal, without all the other pressures around food intolerances and dietary intake. But they’re not great… they leak, they change what clothing you can wear because the surgeons always put them in the wrong spot on women, they need replacing and there’s trauma and pain with that… its a tough spot to be in. You’re doing an incredible job, if no one else is telling you that, we are.
    
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    Bottom_racer@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Sincerely thank you for the kind words and your experiences. They are extremely helpful.
    
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Duenan@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
That sounds really tough on you.

I hope things will turn around for you and get better.

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anotherspringchicken@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
All the hugs… you’re doing an amazing job in a very difficult situation. Hopefully your mum will agree to a PEG or even NG tube, then when she feels better she might be able to eat more readily

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PeelerSheila@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I’ve got nothing to suggest that hasn’t already been suggested by those more knowledgeable and experienced in this thread, but I feel for you mate 🫂 Hoping things improve for you all.

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