groucho

@groucho@retrolemmy.com

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨The Bane Of My Existence⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Thanks. I never needed to see Simon Cowell’s murderin’ face but I guess I’ve seen it now. That’s cool.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Alcoholic billionaire says he wants to shove a camera up every workers ass.⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  A long time ago, my then-scrum master pitched an idea to us: ID badges with little microphones. The microphones wouldn’t record anything, but they’d constantly monitor the ambient noise to see if we were having the kind of excited, buzzy conversations that signaled innovation. Once we had them, we could tune our days to maximize innovation.

  I was brand new at the company but I told him that everyone was trying to catch lightning in a bottle, but nobody was willing to build a fucking battery. Then I told him the day we adopted that policy, I’d hand in my resignation. It never came up again.

  Motherfuckers will try anything and they always have.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Walmart actually teaches their employees how to get food stamps⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Or she’s in section 8 housing, which means the government is subsidizing WalMart in two ways. Or she had a better job when she applied for the apartment. There’s lots of explanations.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨currently busy 😅⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  If they knock: a polite “I’ll be out in a moment”

  If they bust in like some kind of shitting Kool-Aid man: a cheerful “HOWDY!” with sustained eye contact.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨[deleted]⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Image

  This, but tactile.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨[deleted]⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  I just looked at his picture and that was enough.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨[deleted]⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  I doubt it.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨[deleted]⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  It’s weirdly close to Vonnegut’s drawing of a butthole so it’s the one that sticks in my mind.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨[deleted]⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Pssst. It’s the Claude logo.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨O hi⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  The face that launched a thousand ships… away from it.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨O hi⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  Idk about this team tbh

  They should have stopped at Bottom middle, the one between Special Agent Albert Rosenberg and guy in bar bathroom that wants to fight his reflection.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  It’s not like you suggested something really classy, like Coors Banquet.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨what’s your best “nitric acid acts upon trousers” moment?⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  My first thought was, why didn’t she just paint a finger? Something small in case she was wrong. But then I remembered how I was in pretty much every lab at that age.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨what’s your best “nitric acid acts upon trousers” moment?⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  Not as cool as the original story, but I was working with a big carboy of dilute HCL in a CHEM 101 lab. The previous person that used the carboy had managed to spill dilute HCL all over the stopper. I was not aware of this.

  The protocol was to grasp the stopper between middle and ring finger, pull it out, then pick the carboy up with both hands and pour into the beaker. That way, the only thing the business end of the stopper ever touches is the inside of the carboy.

  I’d just started pouring when I felt the skin between the two fingers start to itch. It was obnoxious, but I had a heavy piece of glassware in my hands trying to measure out a precise amount. So I ignored it until it started to burn. By that point I almost had enough in my beaker so I topped it up. Then I lowered the carboy and replaced the stopper.

  Then I ran over to the sink, turned it on full blast, and washed the acid off my hand. I had a red, tender patch there for days. After that, I always wiped the stopper off with a paper towel before I pulled it out.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Forensic Poetry⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  Reading Shakespeare is torture. That is why we make actors do it for us.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Miss me⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  I’ve gambled twice in my life. The first time was sitting in a gas station casino because my buddy’s car overheated on the pass. Put $20 into a keno machine, lost about half of it, realized I could have gotten several beers instead. Got annoyed with myself and cashed out.

  The second time was in Vegas. Same buddy gave me a massive hit on a vape pen and dragged me over to a blackjack table. He dumped some chips in front of me things happened, the table was a lot of fun to look at, the dealer cleared her throat in a really annoyed way because I was grooving on the pattern on the back of the cards instead of playing. I handed the chips back to my buddy and told the entire casino I was too high for this shit.

  I guess I don’t have the gene. I’ve got an addictive personality in general and that’s been fun to deal with, but I’m glad it doesn’t extend to gambling.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Behold: A vibe-designed pcb⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  I can see at least one innovation there. Diodes make current go one direction. D1 ensures current goes neither direction.