HalfSalesman
@HalfSalesman@lemm.ee
- Comment on Skill issue 1 day ago:
I was a Halo 3 try hard and if anything I was nicer to female voices because I stupidly wanted to woo them. IDK exactly what the logistics of that would have been thinking back.
- Comment on Real 2 days ago:
Buy a Steam Deck.
- Comment on Anon touches grass 1 week ago:
Also thanks for letting me ramble. I tend to get excited when I seem to be helping in some way so I’m trying to keep it together but may go off a little.
I enjoy discourse of most kinds so the pleasure is mine as well.
And hey, if you’re nailing it 95% of the time those are excellent numbers with so much wiggle room! You can be waaaaaaay weirder with numbers like that, and it shows me that you have a strong ability to read the room and measure your response to things.
Yeah but, those 5% moments can be ruinous… I still remember one particular Halloween party. The kind of memory that keeps one up at night.
Many times its just me breaking and being clearly either grumpy (sick of people) or smell of lonely neediness. Or I’ll mentally short circuit and say something way overly blunt/irrelevant/obsessive. All can just make me legitimately unlikable and maybe deserving of the label. Its not like “fun zany autistic” moments.
So imagine a super charismatic type just suddenly breaking character after something slightly socially unexpected and outwardly presenting as a lizard person or android following that.
I get what you mean. You get so used to doing it that you basically no longer have evidence for things being ok when you don’t. I kept a note going every day for a whole year writing down stuff that happened; It was like a journal but focused on working on this stuff and I was so surprised to find how much I was expecting to write “and then it all fell apart” but finding that when it came time to write it down I just couldn’t actually come up with examples. I’m not saying you have to journal, but food for thought.
Yeah I might start doing little journals on my phone. I started using an open source note taking app, Logseq and thought maybe be one of the uses for that. I just need to create a template or something for that I think.
- Comment on Anon touches grass 1 week ago:
I got the basics covered, in fact I tend to be fairly anxiety riddled about making sure I meet bare minimum expectations if I go out of my way to socialize. I only really let myself go (in multiple ways) when I’m depressed. Which admittedly I probably am right now.
Its funny you mention board games. I’m actually not super into board games on an intrinsic level unless its a supremely nerdy/crunchy game. I get very meticulous/competitive/analytical/meta-gamey but I do go to casual board game meet ups anyway because its “fun enough” and I can socialize occasionally.
I think though you hit on a key element: I don’t live in a metro area. I live in a rural hellscape, and commute into a small city. And for a number of reasons I tend to not socialize after work and instead head straight home. I’m usually tired after work and I worry about driving home later than that potentially and driving exhausted. (45 minute commute)
- Comment on Anon touches grass 1 week ago:
Vulnerability is definitely something I am not able to do without rumination or severe anxiety later. I usually only reveal my deeper thoughts when I’m seriously drunk. It feels great in the moment, but then the next day I worry I came off like a nutcase (because I probably did) and agonize over it.
Normally I am very “survivalist” minded in my social interactions and I’ve been so for a very long time. I’ve gotten extremely good at it, so good that I’ve kind of forgotten who I really am to a degree.
I’m good at masking with significant charisma with preparation/rehearsal/caffeine for some amount of time. Though I have “high highs and low lows” on charisma. 95% of the time I’ll ace it and people will like me, other 5% of times I come off like an unhinged weirdo, robot, or alien. Usually when I’m socially burnt out or the opposite, socially starved/desperate.
- Comment on Anon touches grass 1 week ago:
I suppose I’d like to have the happy carefree loving energy that people naturally gravitate towards and it to be earnest (rather than it being a mask or something). I’d want to be a normie.
Even more I wish to basically be a himbo. People love himbos. But I’d have to become dumber, less judgemental, and more confident in myself. Someone who believes in astrology/spirituality because everyone else around them believes in it. Someone who’s not anxious about politics all the fucking time.
Like, I want to be a different and happier person. Maybe its a “grass is always greener” situation.
- Comment on Which game is it? 1 week ago:
Ehhhhhhhh. I had fun here and there primarily because I was playing with friends. I probably would have had more fun if I played something else though, sunk cost fallacy influenced me.
- Comment on Anon touches grass 1 week ago:
Talking to people doesn’t make me a better person. It makes me mask and feel further alienation. (Though yes, being completely alone is awful so I still socialize.)
And I can’t talk to a therapist for many many reasons.
- Comment on Anon touches grass 1 week ago:
Its too bad there isn’t a gym for one’s personality.
- Comment on Anon touches grass 1 week ago:
Yeah you need to be in a high cost of living area, not in rural hell.
- Comment on Which game is it? 1 week ago:
Battlefield 2042. 5k hours.
- Comment on Cathy, do the math. 1 week ago:
The issue here is that if more people choose not to join a union for the pay raise in the short term, unions become weaker in the longer term. The capitalist in this case is paying a premium now to divide up labor for the chance down the line to save more money on labor overall in the long term.
- Comment on Baldur's Gate 3 and Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 show that the future of RPGs is in games way more ambitious, weird and unexpected than anything Bethesda and Bioware have to offer 2 weeks ago:
I’ve not gotten around to trying it yet, I’ve already got like 6-7 games on my plate ATM on various devices. I actually suspect I wont hate it but I hear its pretty meh.
Hopefully Bethesda can turn it around with DLC/updates though. I hear modding is still in its infancy too so maybe we’ll get something in that area down the road too.
Also I figure if I wait hopefully Starfield will get a VR edition (or maybe a mod) and that might be when I really want to jump in.
- Comment on Baldur's Gate 3 and Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 show that the future of RPGs is in games way more ambitious, weird and unexpected than anything Bethesda and Bioware have to offer 3 weeks ago:
Is it one of those “play the whole main story and then focus on the side content” situations or “Save the final mission for later because its a proper ending” situations?
- Comment on Baldur's Gate 3 and Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 show that the future of RPGs is in games way more ambitious, weird and unexpected than anything Bethesda and Bioware have to offer 3 weeks ago:
Its mostly just that I want a Morrowind/Oblivion/Skyrim with a sci-fi setting. A solid story, lots of side-quests, and a dynamic world that reacts to the player. I’d probably enjoy a modern metropolitan criminal setting as well for an RPG like GTA’s settings but Elder-Scrolls/3D-Fallout gameplay but you never see that at all.
Space is cool though.
- Comment on Baldur's Gate 3 and Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 show that the future of RPGs is in games way more ambitious, weird and unexpected than anything Bethesda and Bioware have to offer 3 weeks ago:
I wish there were more new sci-fi RPGs of that quality.
I do hear CP2077 is good and I keep meaning to play it.
TBH I’ll probably end up enjoying Starfield once I get around to try it as well.
- Comment on modern psychiatry be like 3 weeks ago:
I already knew I was autistic I got diagnosed like 10 years ago as an adult, but I had never taken the test in question (Cat-Q) and I guess I kinda figured my autism was “light” or something. I think the test’s questions were very effective at breaking through high masking so that’s why I scored so heavily autistic and it kind of struck me so hard it made me cry. Masking is exhausting and at this point I can’t really “stop” its so ingrained.
For me I don’t think there is anything intrinsically wrong with me but I think some aspects of it fueled some really stifling early life decisions that kept me from growing (before I learned I was autistic) and now I feel like I’m permanently “behind” socially/developmentally. Part of that also I think might have been how subtly conservative and judgemental a lot of culture I absorbed was as a kid that I ended up assuming everyone thought I was a dorky loser so I avoided people I thought were “cool” to a degree. I still feel like I can’t relate to people my own age and that’s been the case since I was like 8 and its still the case in my 30’s. It makes me sad about what I’ve missed out on and makes me worry about my future.
- Comment on modern psychiatry be like 3 weeks ago:
I took one of those autism tests and I can’t remember off the top of my head what the score was but it was very high which both surprises and doesn’t surprise me. I mask extremely well according to most people I meet. Telling me “You seem normal” or even “You aren’t autistic”.
I’ve only had two people tell me “It’s obvious” ever, my mom and a single friend of mine.
But holy hell all the other autism personality/psychological aspects are like cranked up to 100 and I have a love/hate relationship with that. Hyperfocus is a double edged sword for instance. I love that I can get super into something and get really fucking good at it but I don’t love obsessing over the same thing for months to the point of it keeping me awake at night and hurting other aspects of my life because I can’t change mental direction.
It also isn’t good for social anxiety, way too much rumination on single awkward conversations MAKE IT STOP.
- Comment on Anon tries to impress a woman at the gym 4 weeks ago:
They both dodged bullets.
- Comment on gigadee 4 weeks ago:
No, its a valid theory even if women self-express in ways other than sexuality and the post you were responding to wasn’t suggesting “only acting on instincts” in the first place. But that our society of repressing sexuality is making most of us miserable. There is only a select few people who seem to actually benefit from this set up, and that’s people who either don’t actually desire sexuality for direct enjoyment at all or value it and how it interacts with them more for obtaining other things other than sexual things in life.
AN important thing to note, people expressing themselves in ways outside of sexuality can make them sexier. And being sexier can enhance non-sexual aspects of a person.
I think the issue people have is they think wanting sexuality from a person means you are objectifying them by reducing them to sexuality, when in reality its that the sexuality is enhanced by them specifically not being an object. There are many reasons sex with a person and not with a dildo or fleshlight is considered a lot more pleasurable but one of them is that people aren’t objects.
Also almost no one only operates in one “mode of operation” anyway. This isn’t a real problem except in the minds of prudes. The apparent “obsession” with sex for some people is temporal, some people desire sex up front and then want to do other things once satisfied. Some people want to do other things and then find themselves in the mood after some time with the alternate activity. Its not complicated.
- Comment on Tough question 1 month ago:
Both equally insufferable, but NFT son is more consequentially risky.
- Comment on How did a simple phone call become so problematic? 1 month ago:
I say this as an autist who used to fucking loathe talking on the phone: Its that the phone takes up too much mental energy and time, yet has a time limit on your own responses. Its hellishly stressful when you are socially incompetent, and now a lot of even non-autistic people are becoming socially incompetent.
Now its funny, I hated phone calls back when everyone loved them. Now I’m pretty OK at them because I worked at a call center for a year and now it seems like everyone now hates phone calls. I kinda recognize that the one nice thing about phone calls is there is no “set up your account before ordering your food” type bullshit. There is a consistency.
- Comment on Meme gift (and note in thread) 1 month ago:
I want a hug.