Atlas_

@Atlas_@lemmy.world

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨i need an rv, and lab equipment, and a helper⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago⁩:

  Let’s not idolize ourselves as homewrecker

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Is this a triangle?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago⁩:

  Looks like a w to me.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨How do I alleviate bitterness due to lack of intimacy?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  Much of the advice in this thread is either “Do xyz and you’ll have better chances!” or “It’s ok to be unattractive, it doesn’t mean you’re bad! Feel better!”. But that doesn’t answer your question.

  It hurts, a lot, to not have intimacy for extended periods. It can burn, it can ache, and it can be a slow, subtle sort of pain. It can give rise to bitterness, as you call out, and to anger, sadness, listlessness, frustration.

  Why don’t you want to be bitter? It’s a painful thing that is happening to you. That feeling isn’t wrong, it’s telling you something. If you feel a lot of pain and then suddenly stop feeling pain, that is very bad - it usually means you’re dying or your nerves are damaged. There’s no quick fix or silver bullet that will allow you to hold this like an old stoic, it’s just a lot of work.

  There’s three places you can intervene: thoughts, words, and actions.

  Thoughts are where this starts. If you don’t have bitter thoughts you won’t have bitter speech or actions. When you have bitter thoughts, just let them be. Don’t spiral - feeling bitter about intimacy isn’t great, but feeling bad about feeling bitter strengthens both, and it feeds itself from there. When you notice yourself spiraling or wallowing, just stop. Find a distraction or will yourself better or whatever, just don’t let it feed itself. Meditation might help if this mental action is difficult. If you can find a positive channel for these emotions (which is quite hard to find), use it!

  Speech is the first layer where this can affect others, but it’s significantly lower stakes than actions. Generally, be conscientious. People can’t willingly un-know things so be careful with what you share. Don’t vent unless someone willingly signs up for it (which you can ask friends to do!). Don’t put this out like it’s a problem for someone else to fix or the worst thing that ever happened. It sucks, but it is manageable - you are managing it. When you make mistakes, point and call them. Say out loud “I did/said xyz, that was a mistake because abc, sorry, next time I’ll do/say mno instead.” This helps make a memory for you and others so you actually fix things and opens the door for feedback.

  Actions will hopefully only come into this positively. Do the things that make good thoughts and speech easier. Learn to recognize how frustration and anger and bitterness feel in your body so that you can better notice+control them in the moment, and so that you can physically release that tension/sensation. If you feel urges to hurt others or yourself seek therapy.

  It sucks. It hurts a lot in ways that many don’t understand or sympathize with. And it is itself a significant barrier to intimacy. I haven’t figured it all out myself, but I hope this helps. Good luck.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨How do I alleviate bitterness due to lack of intimacy?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  That depends a lot on the sort of women he’s approaching. If he’s mostly approaching strangers he probably still won’t get a different real answer - if they’re brushing him off like this there’s a reason and “please be honest” isn’t going to change it.

  This might work with an already good friend that he asked out, but that doesn’t seem to be the situation described.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Anon doesn't know what she's doing wrong⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  I’m really not

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨What does your booger feel like rn?⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  Like a pizza fresh out the oven - gooey and even sticky on one side, crusty on the other

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Academic Rizzlers⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  Thatsthejoke.jpg

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨The Weekly 'What are you playing?' Discussion⁩ ⁨⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  Actually finished my first run of Baldurs gate after leaving it in act 3 over the holidays. Picked up Disco Elysium to give a bit of a break while I decide whether to do a second run or not

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨What's your favorite game that you will NEVER finish?⁩ ⁨⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  Noita, kinda. I’ve won a few runs and unlocked most of the secrets, but some of the late game quests just get absurd to the point of taking dozens of hours and even with a perfect god-mode setup there’s still ways to get instakilled.

  I love a game with depth and secrets but noita definitely reached the point of “y’know, I’m not having fun anymore. This is just work”

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨The Aliens did a little trolling⁩ ⁨⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  I vote to be rid of rat race