Atlas_
@Atlas_@lemmy.world
- Comment on Rust 3 weeks ago:
It was lying right there
OOP was an oopsie.
- Comment on Get the door! BREACH BREACH BREACH 3 weeks ago:
There’s a significant emotional and mental difference between giving $100 to buy mosquito nets and directly helping resolve a topical conflict within a tribe you’re a part of. A lot of effort (on both sides) goes into bridging that gap.
So yes, absolutely do the good things you can at a distance. But also don’t be disappointed when that doesn’t make you feel better.
(And yes, I wasn’t very clear about that in my original point. Good job and thank you for making+helping me clarify)
- Comment on Get the door! BREACH BREACH BREACH 3 weeks ago:
Humanity is now cursed with knowing every bit of horror that happens all around the globe. 200 years ago you might only find out about atrocities months or years after they happened, if at all. It was much clearer then that there was literally nothing you could do about them. Nowadays if you want to throw your life away you can just buy a plane ticket to Ukraine. So now we’re being much more regularly faced with terrible things we’re not prepared to deal with happening somewhere.
And the truth is still that there is not really anything significant we can do. If it was happening in our backyard we might fight, but there’s only so many backyards and only so much room for foolishly selfless people to lay down their lives.
The weirdness you’re feeling is not a moral failing, but rather the strangeness of a world we’re not built for. As much as I and you might feel for any given fight or issue, the 99% of them are not our business, and it’s not morally expected of us to get involved. Lots of religions and moral frameworks and feelings say otherwise. Forget them.
- Comment on I just watched the wrong version of Drive (2011), and didn't realize until the last 10 minutes. Any similar stories? 3 weeks ago:
I accidentally watched A Quiet Place with the sound off. It wasn’t until the waterfall scene about 45m in that I realized something was wrong.
- Comment on Anon shoots some hoops 4 weeks ago:
That’s way too wordy.
Go make the dunk. Give her a moment of disappointment, then come back and say. “I don’t miss dunks, or dates. How about [local restaurant] at 6?”
Then you 1. Don’t miss a dunk in front of the boys and show your principles. 2. Get the date. 3. Let her save face - you’re not going on a date with her because you lost a bet, but rather because you like her.
- Comment on Digital Heist Elmo 4 weeks ago:
He got his thumb on the wrong side of his hand. Which could be nice for chording actually.
Sick generation man. Well done
- Comment on Why does the snow melt in this pattern? 4 weeks ago:
So that it’s easy to see that there’s a little bit of snow on it as it melts and know it might be slippery.
- Comment on In the US, is this actually the moment past the point of no return? 4 weeks ago:
It’s going to be a really shit 4 years. There could be a point of no return anytime along that based on a variety of issues, but IMO the most likely point of no return is if/when Trump moves to take a third term in '28. If that happens it’s clearly dead no hope.
- Comment on DID YOU AFFIRM?.. 4 weeks ago:
If only it were so simple
- Comment on RIP 5 weeks ago:
No way he’s 62
- Comment on lab toys 1 month ago:
Exactly. That’s why I refuse to do algebra.
- Comment on i need an rv, and lab equipment, and a helper 3 months ago:
Let’s not idolize ourselves as homewrecker
- Comment on Is this a triangle? 3 months ago:
Looks like a w to me.
- Comment on How do I alleviate bitterness due to lack of intimacy? 3 months ago:
Much of the advice in this thread is either “Do xyz and you’ll have better chances!” or “It’s ok to be unattractive, it doesn’t mean you’re bad! Feel better!”. But that doesn’t answer your question.
It hurts, a lot, to not have intimacy for extended periods. It can burn, it can ache, and it can be a slow, subtle sort of pain. It can give rise to bitterness, as you call out, and to anger, sadness, listlessness, frustration.
Why don’t you want to be bitter? It’s a painful thing that is happening to you. That feeling isn’t wrong, it’s telling you something. If you feel a lot of pain and then suddenly stop feeling pain, that is very bad - it usually means you’re dying or your nerves are damaged. There’s no quick fix or silver bullet that will allow you to hold this like an old stoic, it’s just a lot of work.
There’s three places you can intervene: thoughts, words, and actions.
Thoughts are where this starts. If you don’t have bitter thoughts you won’t have bitter speech or actions. When you have bitter thoughts, just let them be. Don’t spiral - feeling bitter about intimacy isn’t great, but feeling bad about feeling bitter strengthens both, and it feeds itself from there. When you notice yourself spiraling or wallowing, just stop. Find a distraction or will yourself better or whatever, just don’t let it feed itself. Meditation might help if this mental action is difficult. If you can find a positive channel for these emotions (which is quite hard to find), use it!
Speech is the first layer where this can affect others, but it’s significantly lower stakes than actions. Generally, be conscientious. People can’t willingly un-know things so be careful with what you share. Don’t vent unless someone willingly signs up for it (which you can ask friends to do!). Don’t put this out like it’s a problem for someone else to fix or the worst thing that ever happened. It sucks, but it is manageable - you are managing it. When you make mistakes, point and call them. Say out loud “I did/said xyz, that was a mistake because abc, sorry, next time I’ll do/say mno instead.” This helps make a memory for you and others so you actually fix things and opens the door for feedback.
Actions will hopefully only come into this positively. Do the things that make good thoughts and speech easier. Learn to recognize how frustration and anger and bitterness feel in your body so that you can better notice+control them in the moment, and so that you can physically release that tension/sensation. If you feel urges to hurt others or yourself seek therapy.
It sucks. It hurts a lot in ways that many don’t understand or sympathize with. And it is itself a significant barrier to intimacy. I haven’t figured it all out myself, but I hope this helps. Good luck.
- Comment on How do I alleviate bitterness due to lack of intimacy? 3 months ago:
That depends a lot on the sort of women he’s approaching. If he’s mostly approaching strangers he probably still won’t get a different real answer - if they’re brushing him off like this there’s a reason and “please be honest” isn’t going to change it.
This might work with an already good friend that he asked out, but that doesn’t seem to be the situation described.
- Comment on Anon doesn't know what she's doing wrong 4 months ago:
I’m really not
- Comment on What does your booger feel like rn? 6 months ago:
Like a pizza fresh out the oven - gooey and even sticky on one side, crusty on the other
- Comment on Academic Rizzlers 7 months ago:
Thatsthejoke.jpg
- Comment on The Weekly 'What are you playing?' Discussion 11 months ago:
Actually finished my first run of Baldurs gate after leaving it in act 3 over the holidays. Picked up Disco Elysium to give a bit of a break while I decide whether to do a second run or not
- Comment on What's your favorite game that you will NEVER finish? 11 months ago:
Noita, kinda. I’ve won a few runs and unlocked most of the secrets, but some of the late game quests just get absurd to the point of taking dozens of hours and even with a perfect god-mode setup there’s still ways to get instakilled.
I love a game with depth and secrets but noita definitely reached the point of “y’know, I’m not having fun anymore. This is just work”
- Comment on The Aliens did a little trolling 1 year ago:
I vote to be rid of rat race