Should I move out?

Submitted ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨gumball2005@lemmy.world⁩ to ⁨[deleted]⁩

I’ve lived in Australia for about half my life (i’m 20) and i’ve honestly always hated it. The weather sucks, theres never anything to do and almost every person i’ve run into has treated me terribly, and it’s making me actively depressed. To make matters worse even my immediate family (mother and two sisters) considers me a joke, whilst neglecting and making fun of me often, completely ignoring how I feel.

I always try to treat others with respect, I’ve been self-reflecting a lot as of late and I genuinely cannot recall doing anything to provoke anybody to make them treat me as badly as they have been.

I was told by my father that I could potentially move to canada to live with my auntie, and as much as I hate living in this country, i’m still unsure if it would be considered a rash decision. I desperately need a fresh start, but I suppose I just need a second opinion. Or a few.

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disregardable@lemmy.zip ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
Worst case scenario of moving at 20 is you literally just go right back where you started. Living in Canada will make you appreciate life in Australia.

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- Dave@lemmy.nz ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  I agree. OP is 20 and not enjoying Australia, and has an opportunity to move to the other side of the world. Do it!
  
  Here in New Zealand we call this your “big OE”, a large proportion of people will go and live overseas somewhere in their 20s to see what it’s like. We even have a mutual agreement with the UK to take a quota of under-35s and give them a 2 year working visa without having to meet normal working visa rules.
  
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adespoton@lemmy.ca ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
Where does your aunt live in Canada?

Asking because pretty much every major population area, someone is saying either the weather sucks or the people suck or both.

And “moving to Canada” is not saying much — with 3.5 time zones and pretty much every climate from balmy to “the ice melts and the sun comes out in June”, and with city populations ranging from 3.5 million to 25 people, it really does depend on what you’re looking for and where your aunt lives.

That said, you can get the same change of scenery by moving from Sydney to Melbourne. Oz isn’t all the same (in climate or people) either.

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HobbitFoot@thelemmy.club ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
You’ll probably only get one or two moves before you discover if the problem is the situation or you.

Do the move, but you need to understand that you need to work at why you left and build new relationships.

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Zwuzelmaus@feddit.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
You seem to hate either people in general, or life in general.

If you move, you are not going to take these Australian people with you. But you are going to take your own attitude with you.

I am a huge fan of the principle to always repair only there where it needs repairing, but not try to repair things that aren’t even broken. (My knee surgeon and my dentist share the same opinion, btw).

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- HobbitFoot@thelemmy.club ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  Yeah. No matter where you go, there you are.
  
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- gumball2005@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  I’ve tried to repair things with these people, but majority of the time I don’t think I do anything wrong. I know I may come off as ignorant, but I whenever I cut somebody off majority of the time I explain why in a respectful way without arguing with them.
  
  I did that with somebody recently and they ended up telling everybody I tried to sexually abuse them, which obviously didn’t happen.
  
  Most of them have had me blocked since high school and yet they still have things to say about me to the people I know today.
  
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  - farmgineer@nord.pub ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
    
    whenever I cut somebody off majority of the time I explain why in a respectful way without arguing with them.
    
    If you are regularly cutting people off, there’s already a problem. I wouldn’t associate with anyone who did that.
    
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  - Zwuzelmaus@feddit.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
    
    I’ve tried to repair things with these people, but majority of the time I don’t think I do anything wrong. I know I may come off as ignorant, but I whenever I cut somebody off majority of the time I explain why in a respectful way without arguing with them.
    
    I did that with somebody recently and they ended up telling everybody I tried to sexually abuse them, which obviously didn’t happen.
    
    Most of them have had me blocked since high school and yet they still have things to say about me to the people I know today.
    
    I’m having a hard time trying to find out for what purpose you have written exactly this as an answer to my (attempted) advice.
    
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Fallibilist@feddit.uk ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
If every person you run in to seems to treat you terribly, then one should consider what the common denominator between all of these people are. Usually the only one is you.

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sin_free_for_00_days@sopuli.xyz ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
Try it out. Maybe it’ll be great, in which case yay! Maybe it’ll be the same, in which case at least you’ll know.

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InternetCitizen2@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

theres never anything to do and almost

What are you trying to do? I live in an area that is considered somewhat boring tho there are about a million or so people here. It does not have the amenities the state capital or a few other cities do, but there is often a smaller club of things to do. They just don’t advertise themselves. A big part of having fun is also the company you keep.

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- gumball2005@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  Yeah I do understand, majority of the time you do need to make your own fun, but i’m not just talking about big events, i’m referring to the job side of things too.
  
  I used to study art and animation at this university I had wanted to go to for around 4 years, but when I finally got there it had been overrun with Ai training and none of the teachers really want to do their job, so then my only options in terms of studying are being a lawyer, being a teacher or being a doctor.
  
  With events, I don’t really have anybody i’d want to go with anymore. I would go with my family, but being around them in public is beyond dreadful.
  
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OwOarchist@pawb.social ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
There’s not nearly enough information here for anyone to make a well-informed decision for you or give you any very specific advice.

What’s your education? Who do you currently live with (it sounds like you haven’t moved out to your own place yet)? What are your job prospects? How much money and other assets do you currently have? What do you want to accomplish with your life? Which country, if either, do you hold citizenship in? What’s your ethnicity? (I would ask gender, but I can already tell just from the way you write.) Are people treating you badly because of something like your sexual preferences, religion, politics, or drug/alcohol use? Could it be because you’re overweight, ugly, or smelly? (No hate, just trying to figure out why it feels to you everyone is treating you badly.) Do you have any mental or physical health issues? What do you mean when you say everyone is treating you terribly – is it possible that (perhaps due to some mental health issues/depression) you’re reading more negativity into their interactions than they actually intend? Have you talked to any of them about it? Have you asked them why they dislike you? Who is this Auntie, and how well do you know her? Do you like her? Does she like you?

I’ll do what I can with some general – and admittedly contradictory – advice.

A) If your life now sucks, you absolutely should make a change. And moving to the other side of the world could indeed be a big change that really turns your life around and makes everything much better. Don’t be afraid of change. A lot of people get stuck in terrible situations when they don’t need to be because they’re afraid of anything different. It sounds like you’ve got a golden opportunity here to make a big change in your life without the barriers most people have to deal with: it sounds like you could make the move for cheap or free, and you don’t have any romantic partner or children or even pets to worry about bringing with you. This is an opportunity a lot of people don’t get.

But on the other hand,

B) Wherever you go, you’re still you. You say that even after self-reflecting, you can’t see any reason why everyone around you would treat you so badly … but there must be some reason. If you meet one asshole in a day, they’re the asshole. If everyone you meet is an asshole, it’s probably because you’re the asshole, and they’re responding in kind. Not to disparage you too much – after all, like I said, we don’t have enough information here to know. But if people are treating you badly because something you’re doing is treating them badly, then that’s not likely to change in Canada. It may be better to focus on changing yourself, rather than changing your circumstances. (That said, if you do decide you need to change yourself, getting a new start in a new place can be an excellent opportunity to do so, without being weighed down so much with the baggage of your past. The people you meet will only know the new you, which can make it easier to be a new you. It can be difficult to change yourself when everyone around you still expects you to be your old self.)

This is sounding pretty negative, isn’t it?

Well, maybe I can offer some better, less contradictory advice:

C) Canada is often cold, particularly if you’re not living near the coast. How do you feel about being really heckin’ cold half the year? Some people don’t mind it, some can’t stand it – if you’re one of the latter, then maybe moving is a bad idea, especially if it’s to somewhere inland.

D) Whichever place you end up in, consider getting a dog. Treat the dog well, and it will love you no matter what. It sounds like you could use some unconditional love in your life. A dog might not be quite as good as getting that from other people, but it’s pretty close, and a lot more of a sure thing. It may be just the thing to get you by until you get your life figured out.

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- gumball2005@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  Hey yeah sorry, I wrote the message super early in the morning, i’ll try to provide more context. To answer a few of your questions i’m a black male, and i’m extremely skinny, i don’t smell bad or anything, I feel as if I have the best hygiene out of anybody I know.
  
  Honestly I don’t have a lot of money, but I have enough for a one way ticket and thens ome. I graduated high school almost 3 years ago, and I ideally I wanted to be a comic artist of some kind, already making a book with the intention to fully publish it. I have an online following too, but it’s been on the decline as this whole situation with my ex girlfriend happened, where I had an assumption that she may have cheated on me during our relationship as she became extremely distant from me towards the end of it. then somebody told her this and she basically started a smear campaign on me, getting the information from pretty much every person i’ve met over the past 5 years to post and say insane allegations about me, some even coming to my house at night. majority of these people have only had 2 conversations with me max, and some i haven’t spoken to since i was around 15-16, none of them having any valid proof other than hearsay but I digress. None of them want to talk to me about it, they just block me and assume I don’t know what they’re saying about me despite posting it publicly.
  
  It tanked any good will I had where I currently live and now i’m getting rejected by local artist vending events and none of the fellow artists I met want to talk to me. I had a birthday party planned with some of them and the invite list went from 40 to 9.
  
  I’m typically always the one to leave friendship groups as I can sense when i’m no longer wanted. But as soon as I do, people turn on me immediately and harass me for seemingly no reason. I don’t know this is relevant, but all of these people saying these things about me are white, usually white women. Historically as a teenager, I was somewhat problematic but I would usually apologise for my actions and try to make amends. Nowadays I either don’t talk to people, or when I do I try to be as approachable as I can. I feel like sometimes I put on an act to try and be as funny as possible, and i’m scared that everybody secretly thought I was annoying or something.
  
  With my living situation, my house is quite literally falling apart. I’ve lived here for around 11 years. My mum yells at me a lot, usually whenever something breaks even though I tell her it’s not my fault. She keeps saying we’re still looking for a house, but she’s been saying this for the past 5 years and it’s gotten to a point where there is literal black mold growing in the corner of my room due to internal water damage she refuses to help fix. Our toilet broke, only 2 out of the 4 sinks in our house work, there’s no ventilation and every time I alert her about something else breaking she demands I give her money even though she knows I don’t work at the moment. I only left my last job due to receiving several racist and creepy comments from my coworkers, so I relied on my art stalls but now that’s been taken away from me too.
  
  I’ve tried my hardest to change for the better, I can be impulsive at times, but I feel like i’ve already grown alot since high school ended for me. I still do have friends, but I just don’t want to reside where I currently live. I’m also okay with the cold, I used to live in a country with a similar climate.
  
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  - OwOarchist@pawb.social ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
    Damn … well, I’m definitely on ‘team move’ now, given all that, assuming your auntie can give you a place to stay.
    
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JohnnyEnzyme@piefed.social ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
Harvesting posts via AI now, eh..?

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