[deleted]

Comments

• Damage@feddit.it ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  You can love a flawed person

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• cheese_greater@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Is there ongoing harm flowing from any of it? That would be my focus otherwise its sort of just ruminating. Life is hard and complicated and its better served ensuring there’s not ongoing harm and appropriate boundaries are set and ultimately that past misdeeds be addressed as appropriateto ensure that and then closed.

  If you think he’s bottom line done right by you + you enjoy him being in your life, close the matters and enjoy him. Be an example for him but not like patronizingly, show him you’ve learned from his mistakes and demonstrate he is mutually loved and cherished by you

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• fartographer@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  The best parents are often the quirkiest. I’d say your dad’s actions have been a bit more concerning than quirky. But that’s not your load to carry.

  You are his daughter and your concern should be your relationship with him. And it sounds like he’s a truly fantastic parent. You do not owe anyone else anything other than the best you that you can be, and it seems like your parents have helped make a very good you.

  If anyone else wants to make the sins of the father be piled onto the daughter, you should do all you can to avoid that person. It sounds like your father’s character has given you a unique perspective from which you can draw better choices. And that is your positive takeaway and gift to give to anyone else who crossed his path.

  In summary, your dad has made his own choices and everyone else can hold him accountable to that. So, just be a fantastic daughter and a wonderful person, and use that to contribute positively to your community. Don’t get bogged down by what your father has done—if anything, you can help lift people affected by your father, but only if it brings you joy.

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• rumschlumpel@feddit.org ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Most people aren’t entirely good or bad, I really think this kind of black-and-white thinking is hurting us as societies. Even Hitler cared about his dog and I haven’t heard anything about him being a bad husband, either - and yet this guy is one of the go-to examples for people who are considered completely evil. This leads to fallacies like people not wanting to believe that someone could be a murderer because they were always treated right by them.

  People tend to care about some things in their lives and not care about other things.

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• Tracaine@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  [deleted]

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  • astrophile@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    [deleted]

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    • ImgurRefugee114@reddthat.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Behold: a fundamental social divide which has plagued humanity for millennia, in a nut shell.

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    • Tracaine@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      [deleted]

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  • fartographer@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Hello. There’s a non-zero chance that I’m one of your children. How will you interact with me?

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• iii@mander.xyz ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Everyone is like that to some degree. “Pure evil” people don’t exist, neither are “pure good” people.

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• dmention7@midwest.social ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Like a lot of people have already said, people are complicated and contradictory; they are rarely one thing.

  So you can judge him for, and learn from, the way he has treated other people, while also being grateful for the love, respect, and good parenting he has shown you.

  Another aspect is that people often make mistakes and grow from those experiences. It might help you resolve some of the dissonance to talk to him about those things. Many people have experienced that having kids radically changes their priorities. Some people are fiercely loyal to a few people, but couldn’t care less about everyone else.

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• Azzu@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  People in general don’t work by any guiding principles, they work by emotions. Emotions don’t care about consistency.

  Acting in a consistent way has to be learned in a rational way, and it involves suppressing your emotional reaction. People are only lile this if they explicitly learn/practice this, the default human without learning that does not work like that.

  So, the fact that your dad is good to you and bad to other people is very simply explained: he loves you, acting lovingly, and hates others, acting hatefully.

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• A_norny_mousse@feddit.org ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  How’s your mom? What’s her view on these things? Asking her would be my first step to solving this ethical conundrum.

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  • astrophile@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    [deleted]

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    • A_norny_mousse@feddit.org ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Sounds like there’s some justification going on, likely to cover up uncomfortable feelings. Good luck with uncovering. Judging by my own efforts, it’ll be a long journey.

      Obviously you should also talk to your dad.

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    • naught101@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Relationships are complex. What’s “cheating” for some people is fine for others. And there’s usually a million factors complicating everything. Maybe you’re mum’s a bit naive, maybe she’s bang on. Both can be true in different ways.

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  • Nanook@lemmy.zip ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I’d ask dad. Mom is biased.

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• Yeller_king@reddthat.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Sounds like an interesting book.

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• MummifiedClient5000@feddit.dk ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  People are never just one thing. He sounds like a good person with poor impulse control / decision making skills.

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