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Comment on Daily discussion thread: 🥬 Tuesday, April 30, 2024

PeelerSheila@aussie.zone ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

Watched 4 corners about the school refusal last night and it resonated very strongly with me. Especially the lady who said, “If tough love worked my kid would be at school.” The parents who accused their kids of being lazy, who opened the curtains and pulled the blankets off their kids, who’ve shouted and tried to push and push… yeah I’ve done some bad parenting in the past and I’m not proud. I had to question where this was coming from within me (thanks mum and dad!) and be flexible as a parent and completely change strategies.

I’ve scheduled a meeting with Elder’s school later this week to develop a plan to get him back to school, starting with a reduced hours timetable. I’ll be asking for extra tutoring for him to help him get up to speed. He’s basically missed the whole year at this point. Whatever they can offer, I’m going to push for, and more. The squeaky wheel gets the grease!

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StudChud@aussie.zone ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I wrote about that article yesterday lol; I was a school refuser.

You’re doing great! Advocating for your kid! Seriously, school refusing isn’t a comment on your parenting, and you’re going about this all the right ways

Sending my love and support to you and your kids 💜💜💜

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- Baku@aussie.zone ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  I didn’t see your comment yesterday, but I just read it and it resonated with me. I also wrote about it, although I left my comment over on the news thread in c/Australia
  
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  - StudChud@aussie.zone ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    I just read yours, and I’m so sorry. You have been through so much at such a young age.
    
    I moved around a lot too, lived in approx 15 houses before I was an adult, and then another 3 times after that. Mostly around SE Melbourne though (The Basin, Croydon, Lysterfield, Knoxfield, etc.)Low-income family as well.
    
    It’s traumatic, not being able to form lasting connections with your peers, and being just that slightly different from the “norm” they expect. The verbal and physical abuse is insane when you don’t “fit in” or have a sense of belonging, almost like our peers could smell it or sense it somehow. Rabid scoundrels. I read so many books, fantasy, horror, sci-fi, history, etc so it was difficult for my school to realise I needed help, they just saw me as absent but quiet and intelligent when present. Pushed me into VCE because they needed the stats for funding lol. I should have been put into the VCE Vocational, because there was no way my grades were so good as to get into Uni lol
    
    I can say, reading your posts here and that post detailing your experiences, you are incredibly intelligent and wise (though wisdom does often cost more than it ought to); you certainly know things I didn’t at your age. You shouldn’t have had to grow up experiencing any of that, but you are a well rounded, kind human. Seriously, I’m not just saying that. As long as you are not afraid to ask for help when you need it, things will work out for you. They already seem to be and you certainly have my support! If you need help, I will do my best to assist if you ask 💜
    
    You carry your kindness, your wisdom, and you take the silver linings from the black clouds and weave the person you want to be from those. Kindness, cleverness, intelligence, and empathy, while keeping yourself safe, will lead you to long lasting happiness and success; whatever that may look like. We are more than the sum of our past.
    
    You got this Baku, and we’re here for you should you need us.
    
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    Baku@aussie.zone ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Thank you, stud, I appreciate it 💜
    
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CEOofmyhouse56@aussie.zone ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Wishing you all the best on this fight. ♥

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- PeelerSheila@aussie.zone ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Thankyou ♥️
  
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SituationCake@aussie.zone ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I don’t have kids and I watched it and was saddened by the experience these kids are having. I wonder why it’s on the rise. I think more proper research is needed. As someone who went to school decades ago, to me it seems like school is now a lot freerer and adaptive with more supports available than ever before, but it’s not working or having the intended effect? I imagine it’s so tough for the parents. And if a kid falls behind at school it probably just makes it even more terrifying to go, because now they might also feel shame that they aren’t at same level as the other kids. Is catch up tutoring available for those kids? Peeler you are doing great to be advocating for your kids, they are lucky to have you looking out for them.

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- Baku@aussie.zone ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Felt a bit insulting seeing the “the federal government has stated they will consider further research into school refusal” at the end of the 4C episode. It’s not the fucking metro tunnel, you don’t need a business case. You see a problem, you don’t know why it’s a problem or how to fix it, you order some research to figure out the root causes of the problem, and then you try to solve the problem. It’s not rocket science
  
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- Seagoon_@aussie.zone ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  
  I wonder why it’s on the rise
  
  No fear on consequences
  
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TinyBreak@aussie.zone ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Tipping this is one of those things where I bet everyone is an expert until they actually experience it, and realize their preconceived ideas amount to approx. jack shit in the face of a stressed or defiant kid/teen.

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- Seagoon_@aussie.zone ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  and when law enforcement is called then often the newspapers are called and the kid who was making life hell for other students and teachers and is ruining the education and life opportunities of other kids becomes the “victim”
  
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Baku@aussie.zone ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
OH! I forgot that came out last night. I’ll have to try and watch it today.

Did it cover anything the article didn’t, or was it essentially just the article in video form?

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- PeelerSheila@aussie.zone ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  The article basically covered the essentials but the show fleshed out the human experience side of things a bit more. It was great to hear what the kids had to say about it all. Can recommend.
  
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  - Baku@aussie.zone ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Just finished watching it. It was good. It makes me happy to see that the kids featured all seem to be on a positive path though.
    
    I had a laughing (and almost crying) fit when one of the kids described school as a zoo. That’s pretty much how I’d describe both primary school and high school, too
    
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    PeelerSheila@aussie.zone ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    That zoo comment resonated with the elder minipeeler as well; he finds it’s an overwhelming cacophony, even in class, and at recess and lunch it’s even worse.
    
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Seagoon_@aussie.zone ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I wrote about my brother. School failed him and over the decades I’ve had a lot of time to read up on schools and to think.

Schools aren’t a democracy and they shouldn’t be run like one. They are a place where the powerful, adult teachers and staff, look after the weak. Schools have a duty to protect the weak from the predations of those who are more powerful or stronger.

Schools have the power to act to protect the weak but the schools are too cowardly, letting themselves be intimidated by enablers and perpetrators of abuse.

Schools should not administer justice, if a crime happens they should call the police. Parents should call the police too. Too often schools don’t want to involve the law but this only plays into the hands of perpetrators.

The DoE knows all this and has guidelines and rules but cowardly school admin don’t follow laws and regs. They prefer that kids suffer, that perps get away with it than deal with hassles ie doing what has to be done to protect kids.

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- RustyRaven@aussie.zone ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  It’s not just indifference, schools often create conditions that encourage bullying and perpetrate it themselves. Ranging from little things like letting kids pick teams and groups, to big things like dress up days - which I’m sure are great fun for kids who have creative parents that make them fabulous costumes to show off, but for the kids who don’t have any support and are left trying to cobble together something on their own with no resources those sorts of things are a nightmare. It would be so simple to improve these things with a bit of thought. Change the way teams are selected. Don’t allow any assignments or activities that rely on parental involvement or having any particular type of family. If schools want to do dress up days they can do it as a group activity, costumes can be a shared resource not platform for kids to see who has the best parents.
  
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  - StudChud@aussie.zone ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Free dress day was so embarrassing, I ended up just going in the uniform anyway (and was still bullied, wtf!)
    
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- SituationCake@aussie.zone ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  This reminds me of a conversation with a colleague who was a seasoned ex teacher. They said that their options to address anti social behaviours in the classroom had been declining and as a result the behaviours increased, with some kids seeing the opportunity to dish out disruption and abuse with no consequences. Parents would always defend the kids. Parents of the victims forced to change schools rather than the bullying being addressed. Anyway they quit teaching. I imagine the stress for teachers is fuelling some of the teacher shortage. The bad behaviour affects them too.
  
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