Comment on The same adult daughter who has trouble loading a dishwasher efficientlyly...
atrielienz@lemmy.world 5 days ago
Just out of curiosity, who raised her?
Exactly. Parents who complain about their kids behavior…like, did you drop them off with a pack of wolves or did you actually pay attention to them and take time out for them to teach them as opposed to yelling, dictating and insulting them?
Oh wait, maybe that’s just how I was brought up.
Yeah, my parents are still wondering “where did we go wrong,” as if they’re surprised I turned out to be worthless…
Like, I fought like hell to thrive despite how they raised me, and in the end it came crashing down around me because the psychological conditioning was just too deep set.
And it didn’t help that every time I started to get on my feet, they dragged me back down cause I guess it made them feel bad when they saw me start to do well any time I managed to cut them off temporarily. Buy they’d wriggle their way back into my life and start sabotaging everything all over again by talking down to me in strategic ways designed to trigger my ancient complexes and insecurities like only they know how to do…
I know it’s just words, but try like hell to make a life despite them. I know that with the state of things right now that’s crazy hard to do.
My mom actually got jealous when I finally got a nicer vehicle than she and my dad had. I drove clunkers my entire life until the last 8-9 years and I was proud of my new nice vehicle and she couldn’t even be happy for me. All she could see is that her gay child who escaped the evangelical upbringing was actually living better than she and my father.
The toxicity runs deep in some parents.
I can’t, it’s too late for that. The struggle and psychological pressure led to too many mental breakdowns, and I’ve embarrassed myself in public too many times to step outside anymore. I used to live independently but a series of trips to the mental hospital and a spiral of crushing debt led me squarely back into their basement where things were still turbulent for a couple years and I made a series of attempts to move out on my own again but I’m just so psychologically broken at this point that I can’t pull off the most basic things.
And yeah, they definitely had that evangelical strain of conservative christianity. It’s how I was raised and that did a hell of a lot of damage too, even completely aside from the constant put-downs speckled with unrealistically high expectations.
Being sheltered and homeschooled and taught the bible from a baptist perspective and going to a church youth group where I met my abuser and was told to look up to him as a leader didn’t help much either. By the time I was an adult I couldn’t even interact with people. I spent all those years when most people are learning how to socialize and be normal, instead I was learning the opposite. People picked up on that easily and so I was ostracized and demeaned even more, cause people love ganging up on an easy target.
By the time I started deprogramming from religion it still took me several years to complete the process, and that finally leaves me at square one, albeit without the decades of social skills that most people have cultivated by my age. And in addition I have all the baggage of every foolish thing I’ve said or done along the way.
There’s really no path forward for me. I’m a hikikomori at this point and I’m just barely starting to accept that fate with resignation.
hey there, sounds like my family. the ONLY thing that allowed me to start healing was a hard cutoff (dad) and low contact (mom). it is different for everyone, but if it is the right thing for you, do it. they made choices while parenting that will have natural consequences for everyone involved
Lol, this is what I tell my wife when she complains about one of our kids. “Guess they weren’t brought up right”.
I’m my family this would have resulted in one parent telling the other parent that “your daughter” wasn’t raised right. That’s all I’m saying.
For this sort of thing I’m not sure it matters. You either give a shit about this or it doesn’t even reach your attention. I’ve seen people raised by meticulous engineers that do this kind of crap. It drives those of us that care absolutely nutty as it would literally take effort for us to do something like this so we assume it’s done to piss us off but it usually is just something that some people don’t attend to at all. In their mind it’s just pizza in fridge, done, next thing.
Me, and I couldn’t be more proud of her for at least trying.
People seem to have taken this as a slight against op, but I’m gonna be real with you, for me it’s not that deep. Better to be shoved in sideways than not put in the fridge at all.
I tell my wife all the time: if you can at least put it in the fridge, then it won’t go bad. If I don’t like where you put it, I can always reorganize later. I can’t un-spoil food.
Waterpumpee@lemmus.org 5 days ago
Probably an iPad
Nurse_Robot@lemmy.world 5 days ago
Considering the daughter has 3 daughters of her own, probably not.
AwesomeLowlander@sh.itjust.works 4 days ago
Technically possible. Technically.