Comment on The same adult daughter who has trouble loading a dishwasher efficientlyly...
wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz 4 days agoI can’t, it’s too late for that. The struggle and psychological pressure led to too many mental breakdowns, and I’ve embarrassed myself in public too many times to step outside anymore. I used to live independently but a series of trips to the mental hospital and a spiral of crushing debt led me squarely back into their basement where things were still turbulent for a couple years and I made a series of attempts to move out on my own again but I’m just so psychologically broken at this point that I can’t pull off the most basic things.
And yeah, they definitely had that evangelical strain of conservative christianity. It’s how I was raised and that did a hell of a lot of damage too, even completely aside from the constant put-downs speckled with unrealistically high expectations.
Being sheltered and homeschooled and taught the bible from a baptist perspective and going to a church youth group where I met my abuser and was told to look up to him as a leader didn’t help much either. By the time I was an adult I couldn’t even interact with people. I spent all those years when most people are learning how to socialize and be normal, instead I was learning the opposite. People picked up on that easily and so I was ostracized and demeaned even more, cause people love ganging up on an easy target.
By the time I started deprogramming from religion it still took me several years to complete the process, and that finally leaves me at square one, albeit without the decades of social skills that most people have cultivated by my age. And in addition I have all the baggage of every foolish thing I’ve said or done along the way.
There’s really no path forward for me. I’m a hikikomori at this point and I’m just barely starting to accept that fate with resignation.
Captainautism@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 days ago
By any chance, are you neurodivergent or suspect you may be? Before I learned that I was my life made no sense, and I stayed hella depressed. It wasn’t until I was diagnosed as autistic that my life slowly started making more sense. That doesn’t excuse or dismiss the damage caused by your parents, but it does provide a new reframing of things.
wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz 4 days ago
Almost certainly. But I never got screened as a kid even when I begged to find out what’s wrong with me, because back then an autism diagnosis would have brought shame on the family or whatever, so I just got yelled at and told to stop asking…
And yes, my life does make a lot more sense when I consider that I might be on the spectrum, but that’s not enough to convince people to understand or be accommodating. Hell, even if I had a diagnosis, most people still wouldn’t understand or be accommodating.
And besides, I’ve asked my healthcare providers later as an adult to screen me, but it’s not exactly their specialty. Also that was back when I was a regular pot smoker and they told me I had to be off weed for a year before they would send me to a specialist.
It’s been about a year since I’ve smoked weed at this point, but it’s also been longer than that since I’ve seen a doctor and I’m pretty sure they’ve already disenrolled me from their system. I also just don’t feel like going through the hassle anymore.
Captainautism@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 days ago
Ah, I see. It is difficult to get a diagnosis as an adult. However, it really doesn’t matter unless you’re trying to apply for SSI or similarly in whatever country to reside in.
The part that helps is to find likeminded people online and in real life if you want. I have matrix group for autistic folks if you’re interested. It’s still small, but it’s slowly growing. It just helps to talk to people experiencing similar challenges.
wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz 4 days ago
I think I have internalized tismophobia though. At least whenever I hang out with other autists, I end up hating myself even more afterwards. It feels like seeing myself from the outside and triggers a lot of insecurity. Like “this is seriously who I am? These are the people I fit in with?” I know it’s wrong, but you have to understand a lot of these traits are precisely the ones I’ve been demeaned, ridiculed, criticized, and ostracized for throughout my life. It’s only natural that I would develop a complex around that.
One-on-one I do seem to get along with autistic people better. I’ve always felt compassionate towards people with severe cases, and I feel strong kinship with people with mild cases, but there’s a range in between where I just feel uncomfortable. Like someone who isn’t severe enough for me to feel sorry for, but enough for me to cringe for them. It probably wouldn’t bother me so much if I didn’t see myself in them though…
And aside from that, a lot of people with a diagnosis feel superior to those without. Like they think I’m appropriating something and encroaching on their space cause I want the attention or the pity or something. As if anyone who wasn’t on the spectrum would even want to claim that, or relate in any way to the traits and things people go through who are.
Also, there’s a lot less sympathy for guys on the spectrum. Women with mild autism are seen as quirky or endearing, and much as they seem to hate that, it’s nowhere near as bad as how guys on the spectrum are seen (cringe, spaz, and worse things that I won’t repeat).
But even women on the spectrum seem to have it out against guys on the spectrum. Like “How dare you expect sympathy? You have no idea what it’s like to be seen as a manic pixie dreamgirl by everyone you meet!” Like, chill, I’m sure that’s tough, but do you know what it’s like to be called an incel just because you’re a loser who laments his inability to make friends?
But if I say that then they’ll just call me a misogynist by some circular reasoning like “I get called an incel because I’m a loser, so I must be a misogynist because incels are misogynists, so I must be a loser because misogynists are losers.” Or maybe we should just stop stigmatizing guys who don’t get laid very often? Maybe society would have healthier views of women if we didn’t literally require men to have sex with them in order to deserve respect? Maybe, just maybe? But no, apparently just saying that makes me an incel, and therefore I must be misogynist. Apparently…