Comment on The same adult daughter who has trouble loading a dishwasher efficientlyly...
Captainautism@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 days agoI know it’s just words, but try like hell to make a life despite them. I know that with the state of things right now that’s crazy hard to do.
My mom actually got jealous when I finally got a nicer vehicle than she and my dad had. I drove clunkers my entire life until the last 8-9 years and I was proud of my new nice vehicle and she couldn’t even be happy for me. All she could see is that her gay child who escaped the evangelical upbringing was actually living better than she and my father.
The toxicity runs deep in some parents.
wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz 4 days ago
I can’t, it’s too late for that. The struggle and psychological pressure led to too many mental breakdowns, and I’ve embarrassed myself in public too many times to step outside anymore. I used to live independently but a series of trips to the mental hospital and a spiral of crushing debt led me squarely back into their basement where things were still turbulent for a couple years and I made a series of attempts to move out on my own again but I’m just so psychologically broken at this point that I can’t pull off the most basic things.
And yeah, they definitely had that evangelical strain of conservative christianity. It’s how I was raised and that did a hell of a lot of damage too, even completely aside from the constant put-downs speckled with unrealistically high expectations.
Being sheltered and homeschooled and taught the bible from a baptist perspective and going to a church youth group where I met my abuser and was told to look up to him as a leader didn’t help much either. By the time I was an adult I couldn’t even interact with people. I spent all those years when most people are learning how to socialize and be normal, instead I was learning the opposite. People picked up on that easily and so I was ostracized and demeaned even more, cause people love ganging up on an easy target.
By the time I started deprogramming from religion it still took me several years to complete the process, and that finally leaves me at square one, albeit without the decades of social skills that most people have cultivated by my age. And in addition I have all the baggage of every foolish thing I’ve said or done along the way.
There’s really no path forward for me. I’m a hikikomori at this point and I’m just barely starting to accept that fate with resignation.
Captainautism@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 days ago
By any chance, are you neurodivergent or suspect you may be? Before I learned that I was my life made no sense, and I stayed hella depressed. It wasn’t until I was diagnosed as autistic that my life slowly started making more sense. That doesn’t excuse or dismiss the damage caused by your parents, but it does provide a new reframing of things.
wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz 4 days ago
Almost certainly. But I never got screened as a kid even when I begged to find out what’s wrong with me, because back then an autism diagnosis would have brought shame on the family or whatever, so I just got yelled at and told to stop asking…
And yes, my life does make a lot more sense when I consider that I might be on the spectrum, but that’s not enough to convince people to understand or be accommodating. Hell, even if I had a diagnosis, most people still wouldn’t understand or be accommodating.
And besides, I’ve asked my healthcare providers later as an adult to screen me, but it’s not exactly their specialty. Also that was back when I was a regular pot smoker and they told me I had to be off weed for a year before they would send me to a specialist.
It’s been about a year since I’ve smoked weed at this point, but it’s also been longer than that since I’ve seen a doctor and I’m pretty sure they’ve already disenrolled me from their system. I also just don’t feel like going through the hassle anymore.
Captainautism@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 days ago
Ah, I see. It is difficult to get a diagnosis as an adult. However, it really doesn’t matter unless you’re trying to apply for SSI or similarly in whatever country to reside in.
The part that helps is to find likeminded people online and in real life if you want. I have matrix group for autistic folks if you’re interested. It’s still small, but it’s slowly growing. It just helps to talk to people experiencing similar challenges.