kinda makes me want to do it to hurt my dad but tbh he would probably still not realize that he’s the reason
You’re right, he wouldn’t. And if you try to use suicide to make pthers feel guilty, it’s not going to work; i presume he’s not the only person who you would want to hurt. Some of those others will actually rejoice at your passing, your dad will rationalise it in his head that it wasn’t his fault but rather some lifestyle choice you picked up or a mental illness or “mind virus.” The more you try and put in a suicide letter, the more willing to dismiss it people become; there is no way to succeasfully drag people down with you.
I’ve considered it myself just to get at everyone who ever hurt me. I too have been cruelly treated, by probably everyone i’ve really known for a sizeable amount of time, whether it’s a friend a bully or a relative stranger. You will never manage to drag them all to the pits of hell, it’s really only their own actions that can determine that.
So. I’ll state the obvious conclusions: you cannot kill yourself to hurt others who have hurt you. Even if they’re usually close to you. Only the people who love you and genuinely tried to treat you perfectly would be proportionately hurt by it. And we only triumph over people who hurt us by living better than them, and a lot of the time you never get to know what that means
I’ve also seen one guy who has majlr beef with his dad basically try this, threaten suicidal behaviour, tell him all his problems are caused by him. It bounced off him like a rubber ball. Maybe your dad is Gen X, boomer, or even older - people of that age are very very stubborn, you cannot expect thsm to react to things the way young blood would.
veniasilente@lemmy.dbzer0.com 18 hours ago
Let your vengeance be living past, well and better than.
Hossenfeffer@feddit.uk 8 hours ago
There is no finer revenge than being happier than your bully.
veniasilente@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 hours ago
There is one: being happier than your bully and have it that other people openly point that out to them.
But hey, pretty decent second place!
Hossenfeffer@feddit.uk 1 hour ago
Ah, no, you still care about what they think. You need to move past that shit and just be happier.
Footer1998@crazypeople.online 18 hours ago
that’s boring. and tbh i don’t even want revenge, literally all i want is for him to acknowledge that he hurt me, but he refuses to even admit he ever even acted aggressively or anything towards me
yakko@feddit.uk 17 hours ago
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents might be the book for you. It wrecked me for weeks, and then I had one of my parents read it. It wrecked them too. This sort of thing is a generational trauma.
Footer1998@crazypeople.online 15 hours ago
yeah, 100%. my dad had an extremely abusive upbringing, like his (adoptive) mother forced him to sleep in the dog house and hit him with whips and crazy shit, so he can’t even perceive that the way he treated me was abusive (even though i have a fucking scar from where he threw a knife at me for literally no reason) because what he did to me doesn’t even register to him as abuse because he loves me.
i’ll look into the book, but fwiw, i’ve had many years of therapy, and i’ve near enough made peace with the idea of not having him in my life. i really struggle to communicate with him, his denials register to me as gaslighting which is really triggering, so it’s hard for me to help him. he also doesn’t read books at all, probably because of undiagnosed dyslexia
veniasilente@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 hours ago
Oh that’s definitively more complicated and much less actionable, you’d have to engage with them a lot to change them in the right direction, or just Hope™ that someone else does that job for you.
FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world 16 hours ago
I think i had some good thoughts regarding this in my big-ass reply to you, so if you don’t read all of it, here’s the relevant bits:
smh@slrpnk.net 8 hours ago
tbh, I doubt any of that would get through and it would just prolong an unhealthy relationship.
It’s best to cut ties and move on if possible.
Source: my mom sucks and nothing is ever her fault. The exception to the rule was when she got wicked drunk at my dad’s memorial service and kept shouting that she’d killed him. She only stopped once a couple people stepped in to try and reassure her that she hadn’t, which brought the focus back on her. (Spoiler alert: she did. Without her actions he’d still be alive.)
MeowerMisfit817@lemmy.world 13 hours ago
This does NOT work. People don’t say “Damn, that girl I bullied is doing well?! Shit, I feel terrible!”, no. The bullies will live their lives and I’ll live mine. They will pass their entire lives without being punished for their acts while I’m being punished for not fighting back.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 9 hours ago
nobody is punishing you. other than yourself.
UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml 9 hours ago
At the end of our lives, we are completely free. Pay your bully a visit in their retirement home.