Being together for a month or less and not only learning that your S.O. is a-okay with being woken up in the middle of the night by manual stimulation but also having the opportunity to do so two or three times seems like an absolutely wild relationship timeline to me.
Comment on Works like 2 out of 7 times
boonhet@sopuli.xyz 2 days ago
Just about the only good thing about my ex (in general, as a person, not just sexually) was that she said it’s okay if she wakes up to me fingering her.
Still only did it like 2 or 3 times because after she got pregnant “on the pill” like a month into our relationship, sex became a currency for her to get me to buy things and I didn’t like it too much anymore.
vithigar@lemmy.ca 2 days ago
boonhet@sopuli.xyz 2 days ago
Okay so the timelines were quite simplified.
She didn’t change immediately after getting pregnant, but after she got me to agree that we should keep it. Initially I wanted her to get an abortion. Not that it’s my choice, but I told her I don’t think I’m ready to raise a child.
So this actually happened once or twice like 2 months into the relationship and and then another time a few months after the birth, but then she told me I was too harsh on her clit that time, after which I decided that I’d rather not do anything to her without her being awake to give me feedback.
petersr@lemmy.world 2 days ago
What happened to the pregnancy?
boonhet@sopuli.xyz 2 days ago
After we broke up, I kept the kid. She has not been happy about it and tried to change it, but since she split up with her new boyfriend she has no steady place to live nor a job, so I have my child back again. Was about to sue her to her custody back anyway. Might still sue her so we’d have an official custody arrangement. Child protective specialist in my area is very aware of her overall behaviour and she’s been seen trying to discipline physically so she’s going to be demolished in court.
And if I’m completely honest, I’m part of the reason she’s homeless. I made sure her landlord would know to kick her out soon as the rent payments stop rather than believing her sob stories. I’m also part of the reason she broke up with her boyfriend, as I told her about his debts and the fact that there’s constantly people looking for him to collect in person or “have a discussion”. He was the one putting a roof over their heads for the last 2 months or so since he’s the better scammer (owes dozens if not hundreds of people money - same as my ex, but even bigger in scale).
I also plan on suing her for child support a bit later down the line when she has a job. If she fails to make those payments, she’ll be in her 50s by the time the debt expires, child support debt doesn’t start expiring until the child is 18 and it’s 10 years to expire then.
And if you think that’s too much, it’s not even a percent of the abuse she’s perpetrated against me, her kids (ours and the older sibling), her own family and friends. Her mother even needs to make sure her 80 something year old grandmother never has any money on her because she’ll literally go clean out her grandmother otherwise.
MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip 1 day ago
Sometimes i think i’m too careful (choosy) with finding a partner. But then i read stories like this.
boonhet@sopuli.xyz 1 day ago
Well, she’s one in a million. Or at least I literally don’t know anyone else who’s as horrible of a human being as her, other than maybe the guy she just broke up with (literally a match made in heaven, those two). But there’s still plenty of horrible people around judging by other people’s stories so I’m gonna agree that being too picky is good.
In fact, it’s kinda funny because nearly everyone I know is a genuinely good person. If my dating pool and my friends had any overlap at all, finding a partner who doesn’t suck would probably be a bit easier. But pretty much all the women I know are in happy long-term relationships.
So for now I’d rather be single than get on Tinder again. I’d rather build a friendship first before even considering dating a person.
elaina@lemmy.zip 1 day ago
same
halfeatenpotato@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
Damn, that really sucks. But good on you for not letting her off the hook. As a woman, I feel like people often overlook the fact that going easy on a shitty person just because they’re a woman is also a form of sexism, and it happens way too often.
Best of luck to you and your kiddo.
Anivia@feddit.org 1 day ago
Do you think her being a terrible person makes this ok?
philipsdirk@discuss.tchncs.de 1 day ago
From taking the story at face value, yes I personally think this is ok. It’s not overly petty or revengeful to warn others about what a person is likely to do based on past experience. Otherwise she will swindle and abuse the next person.
boonhet@sopuli.xyz 1 day ago
You don’t have to know how terrible a person has to be for an unbiased child protective services agent to say that it’s probably a good thing if she gets evicted because then it’ll be easier to prove in court that she can’t even take care of herself.
She gets a job, goes there for a month, decides to go on sick leave for 4 months, asks me to buy her a car so she can dump her abusive boyfriend she only got together with because he drove a Mercedes (not even a nice one like my old one before she trashed it, but it’s the badge that matters), I refuse, then 2 days later she tells me I’m not seeing my child again (was supposed to be with her for the weekend, ended up being a month of no contact). Then a month later she tells me her boyfriend’s been yelling at our 1.5 year old the entire time and even beat her (my ex). So I get my kid back and email her saying that it’s not okay to let our child live in such an environment and I’m not letting it happen anymore. She replies “just because you saw a police car doesn’t mean that anything happened, it could’ve been for our neighbours”, not knowing I recorded her detailing how her boyfriend abuses our child. I didn’t even mention the police car in my email. She was the one that called them on her boyfriend.
We then later agree she gets to see the kid every other weekend when her older kid is also visiting. First time, she steals the car chair that I let her use and sells it. Second time she asks me to pack more stuff and I say I simply can’t because she keeps selling her children’s shit. She tells me that in retaliation, she’s going to keep the kid and tell CPS that she doesn’t trust me. Two more weeks of me not seeing my child at all and then 3 months of her complaining to everyone she can’t afford food and diapers while refusing to give up and let the child live with me.
She doesn’t see other people as human beings. They’re tools for her to get enjoyment and her needs met. Including her children. And thanks to me, her landlord, a really nice person who rents out their old apartment after moving rather than hoarding property, was only scammed out of 2 months rent rather than multiple. Because even if they sue, the debt will just expire in 10 years and my ex doesn’t work enough to have it garnished out of her wages. She works for a few months and then finds a boyfriend so she can get pregnant or goes on sick leave. Child #1 was born out of a similar story as I later found out. Her friend told me she was trying to get pregnant again so she could go on maternal leave and guilt trip her boyfriend into giving her a bigger allowance, which explains why she kept trying to have (unprotected of course) sex with me. Boyfriend is thought to be infertile.
KernelTale@programming.dev 1 day ago
Yes
mech@feddit.org 1 day ago
Did her homelessness help in any way with you getting over the abuse?
boonhet@sopuli.xyz 1 day ago
It literally stopped child abuse, or at least put a pause on it. Because legally we have to let her see her children and the older one has a custody agreement for every other weekend but right now she doesn’t have a place to take them to.
She also doesn’t threaten me with police or court every other day anymore, so that’s nice I think?
This is a woman who hits children. I’ve even seen her hit one with a belt, but it wasn’t one of her own that time.
Nobody has videos though so it doesn’t matter. Doesn’t even matter how many people heard her 4 (now 5) year old cry out “I don’t wanna go to mommy” or complain that mommy pulls her hair. Because nothing can be proven.