I’d voluntarily be subjected to endless physical and mental torture before I ever even considered betraying my wife’s trust. I’d literally rather die.
Cheating is unforgivable. It happened to me when I was in my 20s.
Comment on I cheat on as many people as I want to
jjjalljs@ttrpg.network 2 days ago
There was a thread about cheating the other day and someone posted that they think cheating is… How did they put it… binary? Like there are social groups where everyone cheats and its normal, and then there are non overlapping groups where no one cheats.
Ah, I found it: lemm.ee/comment/20529741
I don’t think I know anyone who cheats in relationships.
AstralPath@lemmy.ca 2 days ago
zephorah@lemm.ee 2 days ago
I don’t understand open relationships, but in that scenario, there’s trust and agreement.
The men who throw out this biological, primate imperative argument without that relationship contract are just jerks. Breakers of people and trust.
AstralPath@lemmy.ca 2 days ago
Yeah, open relationships aren’t my thing, but consensual anything really doesn’t bother me one bit.
Scubus@sh.itjust.works 2 days ago
what
driving_crooner@lemmy.eco.br 2 days ago
There was also this comment
Monogamy is socially imposed, not a biological prerogative. Therefore yes, cheating is common because social norms can only do so much to override basic human nature.
The natural human relation is a long term partnership without sexual exclusivity, which is common in other primates as well. This is why people cheat but still want to stay with their partners.
That was heavily downvoted but that I personally agreed. We live in a society were monogamous exclusive relationships are the norm, so is difficult to think it could not be.
jjjalljs@ttrpg.network 2 days ago
You can do non-monogamy without cheating. I know many people who do so.
driving_crooner@lemmy.eco.br 2 days ago
Yeah, I know. Me and my wife have this kind of relationship. We’re monogamous in a way that we have no interest on dating anyone else, or being romantically involved with other people, but when we’re partying we kiss and occasionally have sex with other people. But of course, we’re open about it and we don’t lie to each other.
datavoid@lemmy.ml 2 days ago
I’ve been part of groups with cheaters and non-cheaters, so I don’t think the rule is definite. However the two do seem to slowly separate automatically (presumably due to people who don’t cheat eventually getting annoyed by the people who do’s commentary on how badly they want to fuck everyone).
Also worth keeping in mind that everyone who cheats started off as a non-cheater, it just seems to be a one way ticket.
zephorah@lemm.ee 2 days ago
There are people who agree not to be monogamous, but as it’s within the relationship contract, so to speak, it remains a relationship. I don’t personally understand it, but I don’t have to. We have two couples who are friends, via history, married right out of high school, who’ve lived like this for decades. It works for them because they’re honest and open about it, and it’s mutually agreed upon.
Any deviation from the honest, open, discussed, and mutually agreed upon, and you’re little more than a destructive asshole.
One is cheating and the other is not.
vrek@programming.dev 2 days ago
I always viewed relationships as a matter of trust. The difficult part of being cheated on isn’t knowing another dick has been in that pussy or another pussy has been around that dick. In most cases that has happened before you ever got together. The difficult part is the doubts. “is she really staying late for work?” “is he helping a friend move or moving her organs around?” “is she not responding because she’s busy or because she is fucking” those questions are what’s hard. Then “well if they lied about that what else are they lying about?”
It’s all about trust. Once you cheat you break that trust. I even told my partner if she was honest about it, it wouldn’t be a big deal. If she lied then she is dead to me forever.
Pringles@lemm.ee 2 days ago
I agree. By cheating you break the contract of blindly trusting each other and you can never trust a partner who cheated again. That’s why I don’t understand people who start a serious relationship with someone who is still in another relationship. You have a known cheater right from the start. Why would you do that to yourself?
I actually only know one relationship personally that started like that where they are still together (almost 12 years now). But in that case the girl had already made up her mind but hadn’t gotten around breaking up with her high school sweetheart yet.