Submitted 1 day ago by Homo_Erectus@lemmy.zip to [deleted]
https://lemmy.zip/pictrs/image/10f29799-5cc5-4022-aa8b-bf4d05cf121d.avif
Brother of my mother is gay which the family was reasonably fine with as long as he is the top (greek/roman rules apparently)
He however raped the younger(23at) brother of my father, which if it wasn’t bad enough, he did at my mothers wedding.
And while you would think that mom’s brother would be an unwelcome face, father brother is too, for reasons I suppose
Zamn…
In my family, great-grandpa abused my mom and aunt at childhood. When grandma find out she try to bring the case to autorities, but great-granpa was influent in the city (he was mason), and almost put granma in an asylum, she had to flee.
Curiously he had a slow death begging for perdon.
the first part sounds like already a problem. i wonder if the rape stemmed from him haivng to be “the top” by his family standards.
I mean maybe, but this whole circus is one of those things where I think everyone is an asshole.
Semi excluding the victim, although only semi because he for some reason blames my mother for what happened
My uncle raped his children.
I wish he was still in jail, but apparently six years was enough.
Politics and violence are the primary reasons I don’t show up anymore. (with one kind of exception mentioned at the end)
One of my uncle’s started talking about how he was “looking forward to getting the order to hunt people like me [queer leftist] down in the streets” without knowing he was talking about people like me (and 3 other people there that day). Which was met with some hoots and hollers from other relatives. I mentioned how that was fucked up. Large argument breaks out. It is then revealed (not by me) that I’m both queer and a leftist He then shouted that I have “10 seconds to get out of his house while he gets his gun” and then stood and (while counting) walked away. Which was met with some other hoots and hollers. I left never to return. Only 3 (out of about 60 people who were still there) others left as well.
All things considered it was way overdue at that point given many many other things that have gone down at those gatherings (6+ gathering per year) over the years. And from what I hear it’s only gotten so much worse since me and the other 3 stopped going.
For years afterwards I’d get invited to the gatherings (being told that said uncle (and other awful people) weren’t going to be there) only to have a message inevitably come in somewhere between 6am and an hour before the function was to start saying that, “We sent you the invitation by mistake, you’re not welcome in our home”.
For context: the gatherings took place at many different relatives homes (so different people sending the invites and redactions), but in general it was a rotation of all of the homes of the aunts, uncles, grandparents, a few of the other relatives, and some friends of other relatives.
The first time the invite came in I even replied a few minutes later with a “In that case I’ll show up, what do you want me to bring?” My aunt (who sent the invite, older sister to the uncle in the story) replied with “Your sweet potatoes and green bean casserole, they taste just like [great grandma]'s and they’re always a hit!” So I got up early, and made them (2 9x13 pans of each) by 2pm (Thanksgiving was slotted in at 4pm that year) and while I was getting ready was when the “Invitation was a mistake” message came in. So I called, to no answer. I called 6 different relatives (5 of which lived with her, the 6th was someone who always showed up at like 6am the day of a gathering to help set up), none of them answered. Then I got a text from my aunt (who sent the invite) saying “What part of ‘not welcome’ do you not understand?” I replied with, “But why invite me in the first place if I’m not welcome?” “I don’t want to talk about this now. I want things to be civil.” “I can be civil if no one threatens my life, and you told me that uncle [redacted] who threatened to murder me last time wasn’t going to be there. So was that a lie then?” She didn’t reply. ---------------- My brother called me an hour after the function started to ask me where I was. “Aunt [the host] told me I wasn’t welcome at her house and uninvited me 3 hours ago.” and then I recounted the story above. “Oh my god, he wasn’t going to kill you.” I then recounted the story of how uncle [redacted] almost beat one of our cousin’s now ex-husband to death in her own living room 4 months prior. (I had missed that function due to being sick and only found out about it AFTER the previous one happened) “Well he deserved it, you didn’t.” “Uncle [redacted] was on his porch with his shotgun by the time I was in my car.” “Well aunt [the host] doesn’t own any guns so you should be fine.” My brother and I don’t talk much anymore.
I did show up to the gathering for when grandma passed (we don’t really do ‘funerals’ we do ‘celebrations of life’ basically. Think Thanksgiving (but often longer) where we all share our stories about the deceased and celebrate with a feast basically (It’s a whole thing)) without an invite. No one said a damn thing as it’s the kind of function where differences are set aside. Though almost no one spoke to me, I was able to share my stories for her. Everyone who stops showing up always makes it out for these if they’ve got stories to share.
My mom’s side of the family is all at odds because my aunt was a chronic shit-stirrer who would casually make up blatant lies about other family members. She was extremely nice, so the people around her tended to believe her. But all of the family members who didn’t spend a lot of time around her would quickly see through her BS, often because they were the targets of her lies (because they were never around to defend themselves when she was lying about them).
By the time she eventually died, like a quarter of my mom’s family refused to even go to the funeral, including two of her own children (my cousins). Another quarter of the family only went to try and mend bridges with the people who had been listening to her lies for years.
Things are better now that she is dead, but there is still a lot of residual “I can’t believe you actually thought I would do that” type of tension between the formerly-ostracized family members, and the family members who had been listening to my aunt the whole time. And that remaining quarter of the family who refused to go to her funeral are still absent. It’s amazing what kind of damage one manipulative person can do.
Female violence is often social like this and is massively damaging.
no one went to the funeral just to be sure she’s really dead?
My favorite uncle stopped coming to Thanksgiving and when I asked why, I learend it’s because he and my other uncle from my dad’s side’s wife hooked up and moved to Wyoming or some shit and the two uncles haven’t been on speaking terms since.
Yeah… All the family drama happened when I was like 5 years old, and could remember enough of it to not need to be told. But lemme tell ya, there’s people in the family I have no interest whatsoever in knowing, and I genuinely believe we are the better for it.
Not coincidentally, all those same shit stirrers and liars and cheats are trumpers today.
I was in my 30s when I discovered I had a cousin who was integral to the whole family but was taken away and never spoken of again.
What does integral mean in this context?
Not secret, present at family gatherings.
dysfunctional families. either politics(currently with maga),
lgbtq+ member coming out causing a rift,
or a mooching family member that is getting passed around like hotpotatoes(because nobody wants to deal with it so they guilt trip each other), and refuse/unable to “launch from the nest”.(most common i think)
Just money shit in my family.
I’ve got embezzled hundreds of thousands of pounds from a family members business. That’s a pretty good reason not to talk to someone.
I stay well out of it though since everyone involved is an awful person.
Sex or money… or religion, I guess, but that usually comes down to who gets your sex and money.
gastroglizzy@piefed.social 15 hours ago
I’m the family member no one talk to, on both sides of my family.
I’m not MAGA, so my dad’s side thinks I’m a radical woke far-left democrat pedophile.
On my mom’s side, very long story short, my younger brother isolated, emotionally abused, and cheated on his girlfriend. She found some stuff and started to get suspiciousof him, so he asked me to help him gaslight her. Instead, I showed her proof of everything and offered to help her leave him. She declined my help and decided to kill herself instead.
According to my brother, I betrayed him and her death is my fault. My mom and other brother agree with him. Apparently I should have helped him lie to her because then she’d still be alive. So I don’t talk to any of them.
I’m not sorry. I’d make the same choice again today without hesitation. She needed to know. He’s the one who hurt her, not me. She’s the one who decided to kill herself, not me.
bilouba@jlai.lu 14 hours ago
Yes you did the right thing, you are not responsible. Your brother is and maybe other circonstances in her life.
The real family is the people you choose to have in your life. Take care of yourself
FatVegan@leminal.space 14 hours ago
Woah… That seems like the best outcome for you. You can’t pick your family.