I have uses for presents or coal

Comments

• rockSlayer@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Not reciprocating puts you on the naughty list

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  • Gullible@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    It’s been 23 years since Santa last gave me a gift. A real gift inspired by love and warmth, not a lump of carbon attached to words of disdain. It was camp that ruined his view of me. Back when I was too young to be anything but selfish.

    His snowflake-shaped notes read the same every year: “oral goes both ways.” Santa is progressive, that way. For a man nearly two millennia old.

    I’ve finally decided to fix what I left unfinished. It took some facebooking, some emailing, and plenty of legwork, but I’m finally here.

    I approach the weathered blue door and rap my knuckles against its soft, compressible surface. I only had to wait a moment before an eye peered through the space between the door and its frame. I clear my throat before finding my voice. “Hey councilor Steve.”

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• BudgetBandit@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  Jokes on you. He only sees you when you’re sleeping.

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  • SatansMaggotyCumFart@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    Yeah but he also knows when you’re awake so checkmate liberal.

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    • BudgetBandit@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      He knows when I’m awake because he can’t see me anymore.

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• ryedaft@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  Bit early with the Christmas memes… Unless of course you are a bot!

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  • SatansMaggotyCumFart@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    Do you think Santa only watches during Christmas?

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    • boonhet@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      The n in your name is a few characters too far to the right

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• Mickey7@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  Does anyone here really know Santa and his views?? Santa would consider you an above average good person if you took the time to massage the ass of your partner with your tongue. He is the one who initially said and was quoted - “Greater love hath no man than to lay down his life to save another." BUT what you never see is the rest of Santa’s quote, “in close second to laying down your life is to massage the ass of another with your tongue”

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• davidagain@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  I’m not sure that’s an either / or situation.

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• cley_faye@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  You’re nass.

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