to those of you not very talkative / introverted, how do you survive the constant pressure and misunderstandings from coworkers and future employers to open up, talk more?

Submitted ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨vestmoria@linux.community⁩ to ⁨[deleted]⁩

It’s wearing me down.

Due to reasons I’m a nurse.

Possibly not the best choice for an introvert who wants to work and go home, but it is what it is.

I had a conversation with management and they told me I don’t open up, which is fair and true and told me to be more empathetic with my coworkers.

Except that I can’t and I don’t care about most of them. As said, I just want to work and go home. I consider most of them childish, gossipy and immature. Of course I didn’t tell management this.

I told them an extrovert is not who I am, if you force me to open up, I cannot disconnect during my pause and I’m going to work worse. I like doing my pause only when I’ve done my job whereas my other coworkers do their pause sooner, no matter if patients are cared for, which I don’t understand but whatever. Some people including my manager think I do that to avoid them. No, I just want to do my job before I relax. And I relax alone.

They believe this is a choice. When my coworkers talk and talk, they overload me and I just want to work and go home.

I’m constantly misunderstood. My job shouldn’t be to give attention to my coworkers or to management, yet here I am.

I’m applying for jobs elsewhere but I’m afraid I’m going to have this problem wherever I go, simply because most people in nursing are gossips and enjoy attention. This is what I fear the most, having to constantly change workplaces due to perceived slights and office theatrics I don’t want to play and I’m so not good at playing.

Masking up and creating a workplace bubbly persona would destroy my mental health. Too much overload.

I’m not in a position where I can study something else, cause nothing interests me that much and I need money now.

Ideally I’d find a workplace that respects who I am without incurring a heavy financial penalty, but don’t know what nursing option would give me that.

What I also don’t want to do is to create a job interview persona, because sooner or later the real me will surface, a person extroverts don’t want to work with. I’d like to go to a job interview telling them exactly this, that I’m not there to socialize but to work and go home and that I want to do my job but this doesn’t mean I’m letting them exploit me (giving me a bigger workload than to other nurses for example).

I want to come clean to any future employer about this. Should I?

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protist@mander.xyz ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

I had a conversation with management and they told me I don’t open up, which is fair and true and told me to be more empathetic with my coworkers.

Except that I can’t and I don’t care about most of them. As said, I just want to work and go home. I consider most of them childish, gossipy and immature. Of course I didn’t tell management this.

It seems possible to me you’ve missed the message delivered by your supervisor. You plainly state here that you despise your coworkers and your supervisor is saying you need to approach your coworkers with more empathy. To me, that sounds not like you’re just trying to keep to yourself, but that you’re probably acting like an asshole somehow in giving the cold shoulder to everyone.

I think you’re really struggling with “black and white” thinking here, to think that you would have to debate yourself and pretend to have a bright and bubbly disposition in order to be pleasant and respectful toward your coworkers. You don’t have to be mean and disdainful in order to maintain your personal boundaries at work. Your supervisor might have been on to something, because developing empathy with your coworkers can help you let go of your disdain for them and will probably help you function more effectively in your role.

I worked in healthcare a long time, and the field is certainly dominated by extroverts, but I’ve known plenty introverts in all hospital roles who got along just fine. Healthcare is not a job you can do by yourself. You are always going to have to function as part of a team. If you hate other people so much that you’re just going to move from job to job hating everyone you work with, and you feel like you have no other option than to do this, maybe consider speaking with a therapist to try to develop new ways of relating to the world instead of just being miserable.

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simplejack@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
Have you talked with a therapist about workplace communication strategies and boundary setting?

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Glent@lemmy.ca ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
You may be autistic. Maybe worth googling aspergers.

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FourPacketsOfPeanuts@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
I’m a contractor, I take my earbuds out and tell them I’m still billing…

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Toneswirly@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
I consider myself an introvert, and I had to work hard to build that social muscle. Once its built though, you dont have to work as hard to maintain it, and people become less draining. Is it fair that extroverts dont have to work as hard to do this? No. But you have advantages they dont. It sounds like you need to either find a career where you dont need to work in a team (unlikely) or develop your social skills.

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SkyNTP@lemmy.ml ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
Working in a team, means you have to be able to work with other people. It’s just a functional requirement of any such job. I get the impression that you are in denial about this reality.

Should you “come clean” with future employers? Yes. Be honest about what you can or can’t do and set boundaries. That also means being honest with yourself about what the job requirements really are. You will continue to be miserable if you don’t do these things.

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Nemo@slrpnk.net ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
I had this conversation with my boss a couple months ago, and it turns out the only change I needed to make was eating and caffeinating before commuting. I was being grumpy and gruff in that period before we opened to the public when my only interaction was with my coworkers, and it was mostly because I was waiting to get to work to eat and drink my morning tea.

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solrize@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
If your management can’t understand “I’m not an extravert”, they are the ones who lack empathy.

I’ve been around medical people a fair amount over the years. Nurses vary but yeah they do tend to be outgoing or at least solicitous. Doctors on the other hand are often total nerds, almost like the stereotype of programmers. Of course, being a programmer, that’s the type of doctor that I like. If you want to stay in the health field, maybe consider medical school for when you can swing it.

There is such a thing as empathy training: kffhealthnews.org/…/efforts-to-instill-empathy-am…

www.apa.org/…/feature-cultivating-empathy

wolterskluwer.com/…/how-to-show-empathy-to-patien…

www.nursingprocess.org/empathy-in-nursing.html

There is a specific article I remember from one of the KFF sites and those links came up while I searched for it. Unfortunately I didn’t find the one I was thinking of, but maybe it will turn up later. What I liked about it was that it was aimed at nerdy doctors (it was from an internal newsletter for KFF workers, though on their public site), so it was expressed in precise terms. I learned useful things from it myself.

You can find plenty more with fairly obvious web searches.

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dan1101@lemm.ee ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
I found a comfortable niche working in a small business with people I get along with.

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Fizz@lemmy.nz ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
I tell my coworkers I keep work and my personal life seperate. When I’m at work I’m focused on working. I make small talk and I’m polite but I’m busy and people respect that and I’ve never had any issues.-

I have absolutely no idea what I’d do in a workplace like yours. Probably die from socialization overdose.

You could ask your manager what they mean by opening up to coworkers because that sounds extremely abnormal. You could also try interuping the conversation everytime the coworkers talk to you “sorry can’t chat I’m working on something right now” then eventually they will give up. Eat lunch alone and tell them you prefer it that way. But it is good to make work friends to pass the time.

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MNByChoice@midwest.social ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
A large set of standard comments and selected set of home activities. I note important to them events and sometimes followup if appropriate.

You seem to be doing black and white thinking. Humans are squishy, be extra nice to them.

Few of these people want to be best friends, they just want some connection. Go ahead with a minor one that you have decided on.

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anonymouse2@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
Most of my co-workers don’t like me. My boss doesn’t even like me. But I’m known for the quality and consistency of my work. So I pop my earbuds in and go about my day, and they leave me to it for the most part. Every now and then my boss asks me to take on a special project that requires more group interaction than I’m comfortable with, and I just have to grit my teeth and get through it.

I’ve become more numb to being disliked over the years. I try to accept and respect that they are who they are and that’s ok as long as they also respect my social boundaries. And even when they don’t, I have learned to kindly, but firmly, assert those boundaries.

I wouldn’t bring it up in an interview. Knowing how extrovert-centric the job market can be, there’s no need to shoot yourself in the foot by making it an issue if it doesn’t come up. Once you have the job, if they decide to fire you because you’re not enough of a social butterfly, despite your good work ethic, then that’s their loss.

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- vestmoria@linux.community ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  
  Most of my co-workers don’t like me. My boss doesn’t even like me.
  
  if your boss makes clear he doesn’t like you, why are you still working there and why don’t you have plans to quit?
  
  I mean I don’t understand why this is not a reason good enough to start looking for employment elsewhere. Don’t you find it tiring? don’t your coworkers and boss wear you down?
  
  If my boss makes clear he doesn’t like me it’s only a matter of time before he starts treating me differently, giving me the worse assignments, refusing to acknowledge me…
  
  This would affect me to the point of starting to hate that person.
  
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  - anonymouse2@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
    There are a few reasons. Most people just let me go about my work with very little interference, my boss included. The pay is good and I have a good amount of autonomy that I don’t know I would find in a different job. The work itself can be tedious at times, but I still kind of enjoy it and I’ve done it long enough to be really good at it. And, like I said, I’m now numb to the people who don’t like me. Their dislike doesn’t bother me enough to give up the things I like about the job.
    
    I’m always open to other job options, but I’m not actively searching at the moment and nothing better has come along so far.
    
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