Comment on I have been told ever since I was a little shit that when you die you go to heaven first wait in line for St Peter to judge you at the pearly gates? Is this in the Bible? I thought god did judging

jerkface@lemmy.ca ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

• spankmonkey@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  I wonder if enough technicians go to heaven if the pearly gates can be automated and St Peter could finally retire.

  source

  • Flax_vert@feddit.uk ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Imagine being sent to hell over a database error

    source

    • moistclump@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Going to name my kid [NULL] so he has a fighting chance.

      source

      • edgemaster72@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Little Bobby Tables is gonna break the pearly gates

        source
      • Flax_vert@feddit.uk ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        They use an id system

        source
    • jerkface@lemmy.ca ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Imagine being sent to hell to be a database administrator. MySQL and Access, obviously

      source
  • jerkface@lemmy.ca ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    THE FACTORY MUST GROW

    source
  • RobotToaster@mander.xyz ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    St Peter gets laid off, and unionises the other saints to go on strike.

    source

    • spankmonkey@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Lucifer was cast out of hell for forming the first union.

      source
• FourPacketsOfPeanuts@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  It comes from Matthew 16

  15 “But what about you?” Jesus asked. “Who do you say I am?”

  16 Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.”

  17 Jesus replied, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by flesh and blood, but by my Father in heaven. 18 And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it. 19 I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.”

  [end quote]

  So, yes, authority to “bind and loose” in heaven and on earth. How that’s supposed to work alongside it being Jesus separating the sheep from the goats is anyone’s guess.

  The reason this takes place at the “pearly gates” is because the new Jerusalem descending from heaven in Revelation is described as having giant pearls for gates.

  source
• Badeendje@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  He just checks the no fly list.

  source