Comment on Daily Discussion Thread: đ» Monday, July 01, 2024
TinyBreak@aussie.zone âš4â© âšmonthsâ© ago
This is an old throwback now: Does anyone remember me complaining about some âMatesâ Who had kids and made some really distasteful âJokesâ back when we were still struggling ourselves? Something about throwing their baby in the bin or something cause he was frustrating them? Well, got a bit of an update on them.
They are struggling. Hard. Her mental health is in the bin, and he is pushed for time having taken a job that seems him out of the house from 5am till 6 or 7 pm. Add another kid to the mix and its not going well. he made a joke about âNeeding more supportâ. I laughed cause we also donât have family around us. But I think it was kind of a hint and I just⊠fucking no chance. I didnât say anything, but there is NO way weâre stepping into that mess. Almost everything thatâs going wrong was visible from a mile away before they made the decision. Her mental health is crap cause her family fucking suck, but she does running back to them every time. They threw a dog and another baby on top of the first one who I think has some development issues. The whole thing is a mess and i know it sounds cruel, but thereâs no way to help them without them trying to suck you into the vortex of their drama. Iâve made that mistake 2 or 3 times before, Iâm not making it a 4th time. If you could just drop off a meal or babysit for a bit to help without hearing how horrible everything is and leaving feeling worse for having done a nice thingâŠ
I feel sorry for them, but at what point do you go âYouâve kind of shot yourself in the foot there, can you please not bleed on my kitchen floor?â
Does seem that theyâre setting themselves up to fail - and each to have enough material to put the blame on the other. Shit show coming up, so I would suggest distancing yourself - you have enough to cope with with your own responsibilities. They need professional help (and sounds like both need a good kick up the backside too).
Thereâs a reason why airlines stress that you should put on your own oxygen mask BEFORE putting them on your kids.
personally I wouldnât mind whinging, itâs just a coping mechanism
itâs when they are also abusive to me or are angry when offered assistance that i nope out, iow, is it real or is it a game, is it tragedy or a personality disorder
the woman sounds isolated and in need of an ear, would benefit from joining a momâs group
Playgroups are a lifeline for mums and dads. I still talk to mums who I met through there.
She sort of expects you to get involved with their shit like bitching about him to you or whatever as if she expects you to fix it? And at first you kind of understand, we all do it to a lesser degree. But after the 8th time of hearing how horrible a situation is that has a really obvious (if uncomfortable) solution it gets tedious as fuck! Yes, life is hard sometimes, but if you never make an effort to fix things it wont get better. A great example is the dog. Sheâll go âOh the dog is so hard to manageâ âhave you taken him to training yet?â âNo, not yet, Iâve just been sooo busy with Xâ Right⊠its been 2 years bro. At at certain point this is YOUR fault.
Agreed they need a support network, just dont think we can be it for them.
Not all effort is visible. The biggest effort a person makes is getting to the psychological position where they are able to understand what is happening , understand themselves and start to look for ways to make change.
If they get angry when they are offered help or helped then itâs a game and then I would outright stop. If they are abusive then I would stop.
Stick to your guns man. Donât hurt yourself to help others when youâre trying to balance your own life.
It gets to a point when people need to face consequences of their actions and decisions.
You can empathize with them without putting yourself out there to help.
There is plenty on your plate to deal with, without the additional complexity of someoneâs problems.
A diplomatic answer is âIâm sorry thatâs the situation youâre in, but we currently donât have the time and capacity to helpâ. If this person persists and keeps asking âwhy notâ, maybe stop talking to them. âNoâ is a complete sentence.
i think Iâm just gonna take some space from them tbh. The mental load of just being with them and seeing the struggle was a lot. Came home and joked with the mrs âI know weâve got our hands full some times, but maaaan that really puts things in perspectiveâ.
As we get older, we realise that not everyone is a positive addition to your life. Obligations to friends (and family) diminish as you start looking out for yourself and your family.
yeah 100%. Got a full time job of being a dad. Can help others float but not at the risk of being pulled under with them.
Good grief. And here I am, early thirties, stressed Iâm falling behind.
Donât burn yourself to keep others warm. They both need help, but they need to ask the right orgs. The most I would do is point them towards Ask Izzy if theyâre struggling financially.
Honestly reckon they just need an adult to come in and go âRight, you do X, You do Y! No not tomorrow, right fucking now!â But good point on burning yourself to keep others warm. Weâre managing ok where we are right now, but if weâre being honest having a toddler is tough some days! Rewarding, dont get me wrong! But tough. Weâre all running our own race.
CEOofmyhouse56@aussie.zone âš4â© âšmonthsâ© ago
It starts off a couple of hours of babysitting, ends up the whole day because of unforeseeable circumstances. I know a couple who drop their kid off at the in-laws for 4 hours so they can do the âshoppingâ. Shopping right, yeah sure.
TinyBreak@aussie.zone âš4â© âšmonthsâ© ago
from what I understand getting her out of the house would be an achievement. But man Iâd happily take the kids if it meant they could clean the house or something! Iâm not one for judging, iâve got a toddler I know its hard and our place is frequently a mess too. But theirs looks like the start of a hoarders episode. Trouble is their kid doesnt listen to them, so theres no chance Iâm looking after a kid that cant/wont listen to me.
CEOofmyhouse56@aussie.zone âš4â© âšmonthsâ© ago
Thatâs incredibly sad. I hope she gets the help she needs because thatâs no way to live.
TinyBreak@aussie.zone âš4â© âšmonthsâ© ago
yeah I hope so. But I dont think theres a diplomatic way to say âHey I see you guys are struggling, I think maybe applying X Y and Z might help a bitâ without being sucked in.
Seagoon_@aussie.zone âš4â© âšmonthsâ© ago
oh god, thatâs because the kid is hearing disrespectful talk and seeing disrespectful behaviour between his parents . đ
TinyBreak@aussie.zone âš4â© âšmonthsâ© ago
Possibly, or its part of his development issue. its hard to tell. They keep saying they are seeking help with them, but ever time I ask they seem to be waiting for something.