Comment on WaPo IRL

• SayJess@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  There’s a stigma around bisexuals, that they are promiscuous. I did not tell my ex that I was bi at all, because she and I were exclusive the whole time we were together. It was years after our divorce that I came out as trans.

  I was so worried that she would have rejected me if she knew that about me. I was happy with our life we had together, and I never strayed, so why should I have to disclose that if I don’t want to?

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• Axolotl_cpp@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  I don’t understand what difference there is for the wife, someone please explain to me why she(or anyone!) would care about her husband being bisexual vs hetero.

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  • webghost0101@sopuli.xyz ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    The fact itself shouldn’t.

    Not being open about yourself till just after marriage is what’s bothering.

    Granted marriage culture has changed alot but surely the idea is still to unite with someone for hopefully the rest of their life.

    If one has reservations and arent comfortable to be open about things that is valid but then work on that before devoting yourself to another.

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    • Axolotl_cpp@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      You make it sound easy, it’s often something you are not able to understand easly you cannot just “work on that before devoting yourself” if you do not know about you being that in principle. Also, talking about is often harder than it seems, especially because bisexuals are also very judged in the LGBT community itself, i have some bisexual frienda and, oh man how many times i heard them not being sure anymore if they were actually bisexual or not, some even thought they were pretending (they were not)

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      • webghost0101@sopuli.xyz ⁨1⁩ ⁨hour⁩ ago

        Of course, it’s not easy, but so is marriage.

        i have a theory that actually bisexuality is the default for mammals and heterosexual relationships a common general preference. I get its confusing for some but what depends is how they personaly perceive their own attractions.

        If they weren’t sure and over many years they started to question their own sexuality its a different story but thats not this one.

        What changed in a honeymoons worth of time to go from “not questioning their sexuality” to “perceiving themselves as bisexual”

        Let me put it this way, if my partner felt uncomfortable telling me something they struggle with. Than i would perceive that as a personal failure. Because trusting eachother to tackle life together is the whole point of the ceremony.

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• Catoblepas@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  If your partner not being 100% hetero is a dealbreaker for someone they should maybe ask about it before marriage? Although in this case it wouldn’t have helped, since the sender says her husband says he didn’t know until then (while calling him a liar). Sometimes people don’t understand their sexuality until later in life, I dunno what to tell you.

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  • webghost0101@sopuli.xyz ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    If its a dealbreaker then it feels like a red flag. Do you want to spend your life with a person that doesnt accept you fully as you are?

    Youre also supposed to kinds have figured out yourself by the time of marriage. Ofc people can be stuck in the closet for years but just after the honeymoon?

    I guess its possible but what events even aspired to suddenly be so sure?

    Slightly related i have a theory that all mammals are biosexual by nature with a common hetero preference on top. Its well studied in animals, there are also infinite tales of life with gender separation (monks, soldiers, prison). For many hetero, its not gay if there are no women available.

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• hemko@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  I don’t really understand what the difference there would be a spouse, if their other half is het or bi. What should matter is that they chose you

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