You’re self aware enough to ask the questions but lack the humility to accept the answers.
Comment on Is it reasonable to tell a person you once loved about the fact years later?
nitroemdash@lemmy.wtf 1 day agoDo you mean the only factor you considered is my then-age?
I can testify with great confidence that I wasn’t remarkably attracted to her in a sexual way. In that regard I found her moderately cute, somewhat pretty, and a few girls and boys of our age much more so. My feelings were primarily platonic. They developed over the years and consisted mostly of platonic affection, the romantic attraction was the consequence of it.
Canconda@lemmy.ca 1 day ago
AskewLord@piefed.social 1 day ago
OP is def looking for bias-confirmation that if they do this it’s all going to magically be perfect and solve all their sadness.
typical internet nonsense
nitroemdash@lemmy.wtf 1 day ago
You provided no answer but “my experience tells me so”. No explanation, no proof, nothing. IDK, my experience tells me to reject bare appeals to authorutily, where even the level and source of your authority (age, sociological education maybe) wasn’t something you bothered to explain.
Canconda@lemmy.ca 1 day ago
I provided you answers, you’re just not emotionally intelligent enough to recognize them.
Listen.
Don’t tell her.
For your sake.
Good luck. You, specifically, are gonna need it.
nitroemdash@lemmy.wtf 1 day ago
I heard and counted your answer. Your answer was prefaced with a personal attack. You tried to invalidate the feelings I had and reflected on for years, the feelings that once motivated me to become a substantially better person, knowing me and the situation from a 726-character post. That personal attack was used as a part of your argument, so I found it reasonable to argue with it. By the number of downvotes, it seems the community largely agrees with the image you’ve got in your head, although I would argue you couldn’t have enough information from my post to make the loud claims you made.
SnoopSqueak@lemmy.today 1 day ago
Other people do not know how you feel. It may well be love. But it may not be worth bringing up to her, she may get the wrong impression like others here. I wish society encouraged honesty, but I don’t know what’s best here.
Canconda@lemmy.ca 1 day ago
K but I don’t need to know how they feel when by their own words I can see that they’re conflating attraction with love.
You seem to want to help OP. But you’re actually reenforcing a very unhealthy mindset. Give you admission that you don’t know what’s best here it is rather irresponsible of you to baselessly undermine the consensus.
Some of the people here are family men who actually do know what we’re talking about. To falsely equate your “I don’t know” with experience driven advice, is a disservice to OP.
PapaSkwat@lemmy.today 17 hours ago
Some of the people here are family men who actually do know what we’re talking about.
Some of the shit I read on Lemmy always suprises me, until I remember that. lol
I think those of us who actually have been married, have families, and have been in working society for a while are pretty rare here on Lemmy.
The way a lot of posters on here talk, makesme wonder if they have even been in relationships before.
Once ya have kids to provide for, and learn how shit works, perceptions about the world become a lot more realistic and focused.
Canconda@lemmy.ca 17 hours ago
IMO a big, post-internet, problem is that people aren’t experiencing foundational relationships as children/teens that were the learning experiences to prepare people deeper connections like marriage.
People are growing up without learning the ability to trust or discern trustworthiness; and many other things that we can only learn through experience.
As per Maslow’s Pyramid, everyone is overworked and suck in bottom tier survival mode rendering them psychologically incapable of prioritizing emotional and relationship needs. So we get people who see interpersonal situations in black and white with villains and hero’s instead of people.
d3m0nr4v3r@discuss.tchncs.de 1 day ago
In understand and agree with what you are saying all in all but you are being a little to harsh in your tone and maybe also in some assumptions about OP, I think. The best advice comes in a form that is digestible for the recipient… If giving advice is what you are doing and not telling OP off, that is. Anyways, as I said, I agree with you but I just felt your were being almost a little unfair 😌
Canconda@lemmy.ca 1 day ago
Read back. I wasn’t harsh until OP responded disingenuously.
SnoopSqueak@lemmy.today 1 day ago
Some of the people here are family men who actually do know what we’re talking about. To falsely equate your “I don’t know” with experience driven advice, is a disservice to OP.
Kindly fuck off with your assumptions. When I was young, I chose not to have children because my parents were unable to raise me without traumatic fear and pain, and I never wanted anyone else to feel that.
I love someone, but we are not together and likely never will be.
Would you be upset if someone told you that you don’t love your wife?
Stop pretending to know things you cannot know. Your experience is not everyone’s.
Canconda@lemmy.ca 1 day ago
Would you be upset if someone told you that you don’t love your wife?
You? No. My father? yes.
The fact that you think I’m assuming things about your life shows that you’re reacting defensively instead of maturley considering what’s being presented to you.
amelia@feddit.org 3 hours ago
Finding someone cute or pretty is not the same as finding someone attractive. For example, Benedict Cumberbatch is definitely not pretty, but I find him quite attractive.