Comment on Is it reasonable to tell a person you once loved about the fact years later?

• nitroemdash@lemmy.wtf ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Do you mean the only factor you considered is my then-age?

  I can testify with great confidence that I wasn’t remarkably attracted to her in a sexual way. In that regard I found her moderately cute, somewhat pretty, and a few girls and boys of our age much more so. My feelings were primarily platonic. They developed over the years and consisted mostly of platonic affection, the romantic attraction was the consequence of it.

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  • Canconda@lemmy.ca ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    You’re self aware enough to ask the questions but lack the humility to accept the answers.

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    • AskewLord@piefed.social ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      OP is def looking for bias-confirmation that if they do this it’s all going to magically be perfect and solve all their sadness.

      typical internet nonsense

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    • nitroemdash@lemmy.wtf ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      You provided no answer but “my experience tells me so”. No explanation, no proof, nothing. IDK, my experience tells me to reject bare appeals to authorutily, where even the level and source of your authority (age, sociological education maybe) wasn’t something you bothered to explain.

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      • Canconda@lemmy.ca ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        I provided you answers, you’re just not emotionally intelligent enough to recognize them.

        Listen.

        Don’t tell her.

        For your sake.

        Good luck. You, specifically, are gonna need it.

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  • SnoopSqueak@lemmy.today ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Other people do not know how you feel. It may well be love. But it may not be worth bringing up to her, she may get the wrong impression like others here. I wish society encouraged honesty, but I don’t know what’s best here.

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    • Canconda@lemmy.ca ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      K but I don’t need to know how they feel when by their own words I can see that they’re conflating attraction with love.

      You seem to want to help OP. But you’re actually reenforcing a very unhealthy mindset. Give you admission that you don’t know what’s best here it is rather irresponsible of you to baselessly undermine the consensus.

      Some of the people here are family men who actually do know what we’re talking about. To falsely equate your “I don’t know” with experience driven advice, is a disservice to OP.

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      • d3m0nr4v3r@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        In understand and agree with what you are saying all in all but you are being a little to harsh in your tone and maybe also in some assumptions about OP, I think. The best advice comes in a form that is digestible for the recipient… If giving advice is what you are doing and not telling OP off, that is. Anyways, as I said, I agree with you but I just felt your were being almost a little unfair 😌

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      • PapaSkwat@lemmy.today ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Some of the people here are family men who actually do know what we’re talking about.

        Some of the shit I read on Lemmy always suprises me, until I remember that. lol

        I think those of us who actually have been married, have families, and have been in working society for a while are pretty rare here on Lemmy.

        The way a lot of posters on here talk, makesme wonder if they have even been in relationships before.

        Once ya have kids to provide for, and learn how shit works, perceptions about the world become a lot more realistic and focused.

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      • SnoopSqueak@lemmy.today ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Some of the people here are family men who actually do know what we’re talking about. To falsely equate your “I don’t know” with experience driven advice, is a disservice to OP.

        Kindly fuck off with your assumptions. When I was young, I chose not to have children because my parents were unable to raise me without traumatic fear and pain, and I never wanted anyone else to feel that.

        I love someone, but we are not together and likely never will be.

        Would you be upset if someone told you that you don’t love your wife?

        Stop pretending to know things you cannot know. Your experience is not everyone’s.

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  • amelia@feddit.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Finding someone cute or pretty is not the same as finding someone attractive. For example, Benedict Cumberbatch is definitely not pretty, but I find him quite attractive.

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