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zxqwas@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

• did_you_find_violets@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

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  • SwingingTheLamp@piefed.zip ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Yeah, for many of us, the experience of women wanting sex is rare. All of those “I have a headache tonight” jokes didn’t just fall out of the sky. And, the expected retort to that example is, “obviously, you’re not very good at it, then,” which reinforces the idea that sex is a competitive event that a man has to develop his skills at in order to be allowed admission, rather than a collaborative activity for the enjoyment of both partners. Under that model, stuff which he enjoys and she doesn’t is “perverted,” and lots of us men end up thinking we’re some grotesque deviants for wanting.

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    • KuroiKaze@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      There’s a lot of women who cannot cum when their mentality isn’t perfectly aligned which means when they don’t feel themselves they don’t want sex.

      For men sex is generally more stress relieving and affirming so when they are not feeling great they want it more.

      Also women have “responsive desire” where unless they are approached and engaged they never even think about sex.

      This creates a lot of marriage wreckage I’ve seen.

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      • Donkter@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        Also these “jokes” come from the long history of women having to marry for status/stability instead of being able to think about their own attraction.

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    • Passerby6497@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      which reinforces the idea that sex is a competitive event that a man has to develop his skills at in order to be allowed admission, rather than a collaborative activity for the enjoyment of both partners

      This is a false dichotomy, because, based on the conversations I’ve been party to with my friend group (which includes a number of aggressively poly women), a lack of skill can and will make it harder to gain admission. Lack of skill can make it unenjoyable for the other party, which can absolutely gate your admission.

      One of my casual partners in my friend group will semi-regularly reference a former short-term partner who was rather well endowed but didn’t know how to use the equipment he had. Lack of skill is what caused her to drop the partner, and I’ve heard similar conversations with other AFAB friends.

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      • Soulg@ani.social ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        I’m sorry, you’re saying it’s a false dichotomy but then immediately just supporting their entire point. I don’t really know what you’re trying to say but it feels like trying to sweep under the rug the difficulties men have

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      • SwingingTheLamp@piefed.zip ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        For what it’s worth, I’d call that a failure of collaboration, rather than losing the competition, assuming she communicated what works for her in some reasonable manner. I mean, I’m assuming that they wouldn’t dump an unskilled man who’s open to improvement?

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      • AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        AFAB = All Friends Are Bi?

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  • papalonian@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    That’s kinda the same no? For the most part, the taboo is not one that the individual has created, it’s a societal thing. The same society that creates women that are grossed out by the mention of a blowjob creates the man who freaks out when he sees a boob.

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  • ContactClosure@lemmus.org ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

    Uh, seeing boobs is exciting.

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  • Keepthoseeyeslockedonmine@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

    Seeing nice boobs in real life is exciting. Whether it’s taboo is another matter. On the beach when someone’s sunbathing, no, if I were to see them in the middle of the supermarket while grocery shopping, I’d say that was taboo 😂

    I’m left wondering what your idea of perverted is…🤔

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  • Axolotl_cpp@feddit.it ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    We can also see this in the pop culture, like the perverts in cartoons (i talk for japanese ones, since they are what i watch more often) are usually rappresented as the ones that get excited over a pair of boobs, a bit of skin etc etc

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    • basxto@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

      Yes, anything sexual is perverted in that culture it seems

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