Aren’t your friends expected to avoid hurting you also?
Comment on why is it never the 'close friend' who gets shit on?
lightnsfw@reddthat.com 2 weeks ago
The person in the relationship is the one with the responsibility not to cheat, they are objectively the worse person. If my partner is willing to cheat on me my friends might as well hit it because I’m not interested in continuing that relationship after that point anyway.
electric_nan@lemmy.ml 2 weeks ago
lightnsfw@reddthat.com 2 weeks ago
If my partner is willing to cheat they are the one hurting me. If it’s not with my friend it’d be with someone else eventually but i guess it depends on how they handle it. If my friend tells me immediately then I’m not going to care because that allows me to not waste any more time with the cheater. They’re doing me a favor by exposing them as the trash they are sooner rather than later. Might as well get laid for their trouble. If they go behind my back for weeks thus causing me to waste time and energy on a cheater then I’d be pissed.
electric_nan@lemmy.ml 2 weeks ago
I don’t understand this at all. If my partner cheats with a stranger, then sure-- all the blame is on my partner. The stranger doesn’t know me. But a friend? They are betraying the relationship between us just as my partner is. My expectations for a friend would be more along the lines of “hey man, you really ought to know that your partner tried to fuck me”, rather than “btw bro, I got it off with your partner” (high-five??).
lightnsfw@reddthat.com 2 weeks ago
As far as I’m concerned the relationship is over the instant my partner decides to cheat on me. Whether they get rejected or not. My friend telling me about it has the same end result either way. So I don’t really consider it a betrayal assuming they do tell me. The cheater was going to cheat sooner or later anyway might as well get it over with.
NottaLottaOcelot@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
If that happened to me, I’d be dropping both those relationships - I also expect my platonic friends not to fuck me over
white_nrdy@programming.dev 2 weeks ago
My friend group recently excised someone because he was hard core planning on cheating on his soon to be wife… They weren’t married yet, he wanted to end the relationship bud didn’t wanna be single. So he was just planning on cheating and how exactly to do it.
We decided to cut him out of the group, because most of us have the opinion “if you’re willing to fuck over your supposed partner, you’re definitely willing to fuck over a friend”. Add on top of that a ton of unremorseful misogyny.
ChexMax@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Ugh we just got cut out of our friend group for very similar situation, except the asshole won. He almost cheated on his then fiance, he did screw over his “best friend” my husband, and when he learned my husband had told me about the emotional affair, he manipulated us and everyone, campaigned against us and eventually got us disliked and dropped by everyone. It really sucked, these were lifelong friends. My only hope is that they eventually all see who he is. I doubt it, as it’s been a year and a half, and his now wife just had a baby. I feel the worst for her in the situation.
NottaLottaOcelot@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
It’s so weird to me that people pre-plan cheating. You always hear the story that “it just happened”. However, now that I’m in my 40s, I’ve found that it is so often someone who spends lots of time considering it and shopping the idea around to their friends to see if they can find someone to tell them it’s ok.
white_nrdy@programming.dev 2 weeks ago
Yeah, 100%. A few of us tried to talk him out of it. 3 of us had independent 1:1 conversations with him saying it wasn’t cool. And if he’s not happy in his relationship now, it won’t magically get better (he knew that to be true) and he should break it off. However he refused, unless he had a sure thing for a relationship immediately after.
He wanted to use one of our (my SO and me) best friends as “option B” and also had graphic and very explicit fantasies about this individual. He told one of the others that was trying to have a “come to your senses” talk with him about these fantasies, unsolicited. To the point he was apparently graphically imagining fucking them after we had just hung out, while he was home laying in bed next to his Fiancee.
He also said that de wasn’t worried about the wedding coming up. The quote “whether I break it off now or a day before the wedding, its the same emotional and financial toll, so I shouldn’t rush it”. And he wouldn’t be willing to get a divorce once they had kids. He didn’t want kids, but she did, and he caved.
lightnsfw@reddthat.com 2 weeks ago
If it’s not your friend it’ll be someone else eventually. Might as well get it over with sooner.