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FridaySteve@lemmy.world ⁨12⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

• luminelle_rose@lemmy.world ⁨12⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  [deleted]

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  • iii@mander.xyz ⁨12⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Men are people too

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    • Darkcoffee@sh.itjust.works ⁨12⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      As a man… Sometimes I question this lol

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      • shittydwarf@piefed.social ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        Some men are people too…?

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  • ALoafOfBread@lemmy.ml ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    My wife is on the ace spectrum. She enjoys sex, but only experiences reactive sexual desire (i.e. she’ll get in the mood once sex is basically already happening). Effectively she does not experience sexual desire in the way people typically mean that.

    That’s been a struggle for us. We don’t do scheduled sex, but it’s something we’ve considered. Even though we have very good (if infrequent) sex, the frequency isn’t the thing that’s hard for me to deal with. The hardest thing is not feeling desired in ways I am used to in relationships. That has made me feel insecure and just overall is not great. But it’s something we’ve had to work through.

    So all that goes to say: yes, if you find the right person you’ll be able to make it work. The key, in my opinion, is talking about it and being very clear about how you’re wired and that it isn’t anything wrong with them.

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  • FridaySteve@lemmy.world ⁨12⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    In the early 90s in sex ed they told us all, as a group, that men are only looking for sex to get a load off and women are nothing but submissive cum dumpsters except and of course obviously your life partner who you submit to on your wedding night and stay with forever. Literally we were taught this in public school. It’s no wonder people view sex and gender the way you do. Nowadays thankfully we view both sex and gender as individual.

    To respond to your original idea, it sounds like a compromise. When you find the right person (and there’s someone for everybody) you won’t have compromise on that core, basic level. That’s what sexual compatibility is.

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    • protist@mander.xyz ⁨12⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Dude. You had a very different class than I did, and I grew up in the South…

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      • PP_BOY_@lemmy.world ⁨12⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        What do you mean, you never got the “women are nothing but submissive cum dumpsters” talk?

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      • AsoFiafia@lemmy.zip ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        Agreed. Although, I was taught that the reason our privates had darker skin was because it was bruised from constant fapping. “If y’all would just leave them wieners and cooters alone they’d look damn normal!”

        I didn’t pull it for almost a month and a half and after no change I decided she was wrong. LOL

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    • Nollij@sopuli.xyz ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      You’re getting downvoted, but I experienced much of the same. So much misogyny and, looking back on it, toxic masculinity. I vividly remember the bit where they used tape to illustrate “purity” of not having multiple partners.

      This would’ve been the late 90s, US Midwest.

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      • stinerman@midwest.social ⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        Also late 90s Midwest here and I got similar information. We also got completely untrue info like if you jizz in a hot tub and a girl gets in she can get pregnant because the sperm will swim into her vagina and from long distances away.

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  • Analog@lemmy.ml ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Sex is more than fucking. The fucking is great but even medium term, there absolutely needs to be more. As others have mentioned it’s about a connection, intimacy, and feeling sexually desired.

    The scheduled part is only something that would bother someone without kids. With kids, you either schedule sex or only have it very rarely.

    Scheduled isn’t a dirty word, it just means you’re making time for someone you care about. I’ve found it’s nice to have a time to look forward to.

    I have only surface level knowledge of ace folks, so pardon the question: is scheduled intimacy something you could look forward to and enjoy? With optional sex… knowing that the sex isn’t something you need.

    If being intimate without sex isn’t enjoyable to you, it you don’t think you could make someone feel desired (at any level, since it’s obviously not going to be sexual desire!,) then I would suggest looking for other ace or ace-leaning folks.

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  • MolochAlter@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    It’s definitely affecting it, yes.

    For most people being sexually desired and knowing they are is a very important part of a relationship.

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