Reyali

@Reyali@lemm.ee

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨how do I become the dullest, most boring coworker so this needy man leaves me alone?⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  If I may rephrase what I’m reading: You don’t want to tell him to leave you alone because you would be upset if someone told you that.

  Here’s the thing: you don’t know that will upset him. TL;DR of the rest of my post: he probably won’t take it the way you would, and I highly recommend being straightforward with him.

  I suggest reading about the difference in Ask Culture vs Guess Culture. Those of us who grew up in a guess culture manage our own actions based on what we think will be acceptable to those around us and won’t even initiate something if it would be deemed inappropriate, so it’s rare we have to be told “no”. Those in ask culture will just ask and be totally fine if told no, because they haven’t already done the pre-work to figure out if their request will be approved.

  One of the best lessons I’ve had in the past few years is that other people don’t respond like me. I mean, that should be obvious. But it came up in the context of being a manager at work with an underperformer. I would be devastated if my boss told me I was not doing well at my job, and so I was terrified of telling my direct report that. I communicated the gaps in her specific actions for months, but we finally got to a point where I needed to have the conversation that I didn’t think the role was the right fit for her. It was one of the hardest days in my career. And she thanked me for it!

  I was so scared because I was imagining how I’d feel hearing what I was going to say. But she’s not me! And instead of being upset, she felt relief to hear someone else say it.

  You’re afraid of being rude, and that shows you have compassion and care for others. But I bet you that this coworker of yours just needs to be told, and not communicating with him is actually less kind.

  A quote from a favorite book series of mine is a take on our “golden rule” through an alien culture: “The Iron Rule: Treat others less powerful than you however you like. The Silver Rule: Treat others as you’d like to be treated. The Golden Rule: Treat others as they’d like to be treated.”

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Simple spelling rule.⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  I prefer spelling it with an ‘e’ so I always do that (probably because my name has two common spellings, one with an A and the other with an E, and mine is the latter).

  But if forced to identify which is which color-wise, I’d say “grey” has cool undertones while “gray” has warm undertones. Really no reason to think that, but it’s right in my brain.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨No one showed up to his party⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Requesting one small caveat to your thinking: your friends with chronic health issues (physical and/or mental) may bail more often than others but still love you.

  My partner has lost friends over them thinking he uses his migraines as an excuse to not show up to things. They feel hurt because he bailed one too many times for them, and he feels hurt because they diminished his disability and didn’t believe him. It’s hard to see the additional toll it takes on him.

  (I also have my own chronic issues but thankfully have been able to suck it up often enough to not have it come in the way of friendships. Sometimes he and I are intentional about making sure at least one of us attends something even if we both feel like shit in order to not alienate people we care about.)

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨When leftists say "landlord are parasites" or similar dislike of landlords, do they also mean the people that own like a couple of houses as an investment, or only the big landlords?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  I appreciate you breaking it down this way. It helps me understand the stance so many hold on landlords.

  However, I think you’re missing a lot in your distillation that everything above mortgage + handyman salary is making money for nothing.

  Owner also pays property taxes, insurance, all maintenance costs, all upgrades, and possibly utilities or yard care. The benefits for the renters include having a maintenance person on-call all the time, not needing to vet each tradesperson, not needing to get quotes, no expenses when an appliance breaks, no liability in case of a disaster, and more.

  If I didn’t have a handy partner and the market was reasonable, I’d love to rent. I don’t want to deal with maintenance and I like having a consistent monthly fee rather than suddenly having to spend $2k on a new water heater like I did last month, or being afraid that our heat might die suddenly this winter because we weren’t ready to spend >$20k this summer to replace the air handler when it went out and needed a new part. Plus my partner took 3 half days off work to get 3 quotes for it. They each told us significantly different things that we needed to do, so we couldn’t decide if we were comfortable doing business with any of them. That shit is stressful! Having the assurance that I can call just one person and someone else will take care of it is worth a good price.

  So the cost of owning some units is more than just the mortgage, and the benefits of renting are more than just a maintenance person’s salary. Distilling it to just those two things is an unjust comparison.

  Should a person get stupidly rich off of being a landlord? No. That’s exploitative. The cost of renting should match the cost of the property and maintenance (as averaged out over time) plus the cost/savings of the additional benefits of renting. That’s all. But that’s a lot more than just mortgage + handyman salary divided out over however many units the landlord owns.

  (Also this assumes the person is actually a good landlord, and we know there are many landlords out there who aren’t.)

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨human anteaters⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  This is exactly what I thought about increasing this! I asked my bf what bug it was because I couldn’t remember for sure. If only I’d kept scrolling before asking, lol.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨flouride⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Small note: the country name is spelled “Colombia,” and spelling it correctly means you don’t need to specify which one!

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨I would personally just treat whatever direction I'm facing at the time as North and go from there.⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  At one point in my childhood, my dad made the comment, “Women don’t know compass directions.” I took offense to that and made a point to learn them to prove him wrong.

  I felt vindicated in high school when he was coming to pick me up from a friend’s house and said, “I’m at the gas station. Do I go left or right?” I told him there were several gas stations on the way, and asked which direction he was facing to figure out which one he was by. He couldn’t tell me and finally hung up on me in a huff.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨The 1900s⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  With one parent who turned 80 this year and the second in their late 70s, I’ve realized there’s a difference between “elderly” and “old.” A lot of people equate the two. I think “old” always started in one’s 70s to me, even as a kid. “Elderly,” however, is not based on a number but on a physical state of being.

  My dad is elderly. He’s frail and struggling to move around much. It’s hard to watch and it’s been going on and worsening for a few years now. My mom, despite being only 3 years younger, is not at all elderly. She has more energy and vivacity than many people over 20 years her junior (hell I’m in my 30s and she can do loops around me, but I got the chronic illness genes that she didn’t have). Technically, she’s old. But no one who knows her would think of her as “elderly.”

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨"But I prefer The Creature if it's all the same to you."⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  Ah, interesting callout; I can totally understand why that is a turn-off. My sister recommended the book to me so I didn’t give the title any thought.

  The story is definitely about that trope, and mostly turning it on its head. The story is definitely about the women, with the underlying theme that they are what they are because of men but they own who they are and their future.

  I hope if you give it a shot that you enjoy it as much as I do!

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨"But I prefer The Creature if it's all the same to you."⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  Deliberate in what way?

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨"But I prefer The Creature if it's all the same to you."⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  Oh, I may have a book (series) for you! The Alchemist’s Daughter by Theodora Goss. It starts with Mary Jekyll, the daughter of Dr. Jekyll, and expands to find a daughter of Hyde, Sherlock and Watson, Justine—the woman made to be Adam Frankenstein’s bride, and other women left in the path of various men who tested the limits of humanity. It even talks about Shelley’s book and why she might have written it as she did. The second book expands into the wife and daughter of Van Helsing.

  I’m about 75% of the way through the second book and have been loving them. They’re very post-modern though, with the characters somewhat frequently interrupting the narrator to discuss the way the story is written. I love that sort of thing but know it’s not for everyone!

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨How do our brains process reality? I heard our eyes were just low-res cameras and our brains were doing all the heavy lifting in 'rendering' reality.⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  Ha, I’ve heard of that one so I caught it. I missed 3 of the passes, though!

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨How do our brains process reality? I heard our eyes were just low-res cameras and our brains were doing all the heavy lifting in 'rendering' reality.⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  If you want a fun experiment of all the things we see but don’t actually process, I recommend the game series I’m On Observation Duty. You flip through a series of security cameras and identify when something changed. It’s incredible when you realize the entire floor of a room changed or a giant thing went missing, and you just tuned it out because your brain never felt a need to take in that detail.

  It’s sorta horror genre and I hate pretty much every other horror thing, but I love those games because they make me think about how I think.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨How do I know if a medical issue should be addressed by a Clinic Visit, Urgent Care, or the Emergency Room?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  Do you have a primary care physician? I think this going on for 2 weeks warrants talking to them about it. If it’s not changing, then the urgent/emergency need isn’t there. Getting to a specialist could be months or over a year though (took me 10 months for first-available appointment with a cardiologist who specializes in dysautonomia issues like I have; someone I met in the waiting room waited closer to a year and a half).

  Alternatively, if you have insurance many of them have a nurses line you can call and get input. Like you mentioned you would do as an EMR, they’re likely going to recommend you go to the most extreme care (ER) because they don’t want to risk being wrong. But they might be able to talk you through your doubts. And hey, if it’s insurance they have motivation to get you to the cheapest care possible, so maybe they wouldn’t recommend ER after all, lol.

  Lastly, since you’re stuck in decision paralysis, it might be worth taking some actions on your own to see if you can improve the situation. Obviously this isn’t the smartest option, but I know I’m stubborn, cheap, and have white coat anxieties after being dismissed for my health issues my entire childhood, so I tend to go this route often. (Heck, I waited until my mid-30s to seek care that ended me with a cardiologist despite having the symptoms literally as long as I can remember.) You mentioned potassium deficiency and my immediate thought when reading “palpitations” was electrolytes as well. If you have a history of high blood pressure ignore this, but if not, eating salt and getting magnesium/potassium can help a ton. My cardiologist insists I eat 7-10 grams of salt a day. It’s a fuckton, but hell if it doesn’t make me feel worlds better.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨This might also apply to conferences.⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  Yeah, I’m a second-row person all the way; green describes me right. Purple as a backup.

  Thank goodness my college only had one of these kinds of rooms, and I was only there for a class about movies.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨The mark⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  I’ve had mine since before I started driving ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

  I noticed in my late teens I had a lot of freckles on my left side and very few on my right side, and I didn’t start driving until I was 22. I did spend 2 years in high school with a much darker tan on my right arm from hanging my arm out the window of a boyfriend’s car with no AC, but still have more left-arm freckles.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨How the fuck do you meet new people?⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  Image

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Grant Money⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  Maybe it’s just the low quality image, but that looked to me like the part of the ear protection that goes over the head (is there a name for that? It’s not a strap, but that’s the closest I could think of), like it was just pulled down over her forehead instead of sitting on top of her head. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Grant Money⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  I saw the guy get attention because he doesn’t use a bunch of fancy gear. Looks like the woman doesn’t either, yet this is the first time I learned he was even on a team.

  She has bigger ear protection and it looks like she’s pulled it in a way that shields her eyes from the light. Still not all the high tech fancy gear they were competing against. So leaving her out of every post made about him not using a ton of gear definitely sounds like what this meme is saying.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Trump Claims He Has Helicopter Trip Records and Threatens to Sue⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  FWIW, I definitely read this as a joke. It seemed over the top enough (especially the mention of The Beatles) that the /s came through without the tag.

  I suspect the problem is that Trump does have a history of saying such extremely nonsensical things and his fans have a history of supporting and writing off anything that looks bad, that this read as just possible enough for a rabid DJT fanboy to write in actual defense of him.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨What is the actual point of a bra?⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  ask any group of people who wear bras what the best part of the day is, and they’ll tell you it’s taking it off.

  Nah fam. I can’t stand being without support unless I’m in bed. I’ve gotten used to wearing just an elastic sports bra at home, but I can’t stand being without underwire when I’m moving around a lot or out of my house. The bra does not come off until I put PJs on. (And even then, I’ve started sleeping in my sports bra more often than not.)

  Getting my first properly fitted bra was life-changing. My chronic back pain dropped by about 70% and existence became dramatically more tolerable.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨What is the actual point of a bra?⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  Can confirm that corsets can be comfy, and particularly good for back pain.

  I’ve also actually had a doctor recommend I wear a corset, lol. (Cardiologist recommending abdominal compression to help me black out less.)

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨What is the actual point of a bra?⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  Someone already mentioned that cup size has no meaning without band size, but also want to help dispel the myth that D is a “large” size.

  The rule of thumb is that your cup size is the difference between the size of your rib cage and the size around your chest. Then it’s 1” per cup, with caveats and adjustments, but we’re talking basics.

  So in reality a C cup is a 3” difference between ribcage and breasts. That’s pretty modest. However in media, it’s often played up that DD is your Playboy model size, but those are more likely to be a G cup or larger, at least if they were sized correctly.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨is the ability to raise one eyebrow a thing to born with?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago⁩:

  Personal experience, but I can only raise my left eyebrow on demand. Same with my upper lip. I cannot independently move those parts of the right side of my face no matter how I’ve tried. This has been true from childhood and I had no injuries I’m aware of that could have caused it.

  So from my experience, I’d buy that there is a physical, possibly genetic component to whether it’s possible or not.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨What are good examples of cute as a look for men/masculine folks?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago⁩:

  First thing that came to mind was Blaine from Glee. I looked through some pictures and some of the things that stood out that make his style seem cute include:

  • More use of color than normal (including unusual colored pants)
  • Bow ties
  • Suspenders
  • Sweaters
  • Sweater vests

  Maybe not everyone’s idea of cute male aesthetic, but it works for me.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨[deleted]⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago⁩:

  My dentist has started specifically asking people if they drink sparkling water, because people assume it’s equivalent to water but according to my hygienist, it can be about as damaging as soda.