jbrains
@jbrains@sh.itjust.works
- Comment on [deleted] 1 day ago:
What’s normal is that you had a traumatic experience, then internalized a Survival Rule to avoid repeating the behavior that led to the trauma. Depending on your age when the original incident happened, the Survival Rule might sit very deep, causing you to follow it even without thinking and without knowing why.
All that is normal: expected, sensible, reasonable.
The rule itself might no longer be needed. Can you imagine a situation in which it would be perfectly fine to interpret as a joke something that someone says without specifying it as a joke? Can you imagine three? Ten?
- Comment on How would we choose a "world language" in a fair way, for a hypothetical one world government? 2 weeks ago:
- Comment on low iq in love with high iq person, is that bad?? 4 weeks ago:
Forget IQ for a moment, for all the good reasons that other people have given you.
One of you will know more than the other or learn more easily than the other. That’s unavoidable. Even if the gap seems small, there might be key moments where the gap causes conflict. This is going to happen, whether it’s you or them who “is ahead”.
The question is this: how do you handle it?
If you treat each other with contempt, that’s a problem. That could be you assuming that they are always going to look down or you or them assuming that you’re not trying to “be better”. There are many ways for this kind do contempt to show itself in your relationship. Each of you has the responsibility to not think that way. Each of you has the responsibility for accepting and loving the other.
If you can’t learn to do that, then your relationship is doomed to fail. If you can learn to do that, then you stand a chance.
You both can choose.
Some things about my partner used to irritate me and I learned to accept them for the things they’ve tried to change but just can’t. That acceptance is key.
Good luck and peace.
- Comment on If a mysterious force secretly changed EVERY clock worldwide one minute forward, how long would it take until people notice, and how would people/governments react? 5 weeks ago:
Yes, I’ve heard. And even when they were quite punctual, a difference of one minute was very noticeable and reliably commented on.
- Comment on If a mysterious force secretly changed EVERY clock worldwide one minute forward, how long would it take until people notice, and how would people/governments react? 5 weeks ago:
*Germany has entered the chat. *
- Comment on what is the actual name of this type of „logic”? 1 month ago:
False syllogism (you’re Chinese, so you’re an asshole) or premature generalization (some Chinese people are assholes, therefore all Chinese people are assholes).
- Comment on Which song are they covering here? Small snippet played as Diane Morgan walks into the studio 2 months ago:
Cunkroll!
- Comment on [deleted] 2 months ago:
Would you enjoy it even if he didn’t care? Would you enjoy it even if he leaned against it?
If yes, why?
Perhaps trying to answer these questions would help you clarify your feeling about it.
- Comment on Do you ever simply not understand a piece of text no matter how many times you read it despite the fact that you understand the language and individual words? 2 months ago:
I found that text difficult to parse, due to a relative lack of punctuation. This means that I spent my energy trying to parse the sentences and my brain struggled to engage with the meaning and significance of the text. Maybe if I tried reading it again a few more times, I’d find it easier to follow and therefore easier to understand.
Maybe it’s just as well that I never tried to read any Joyce. Or maybe if I’d tried, then I’d be better prepared for this. 🤷
- Comment on What is "forming questions in an affirmative voice?" 2 months ago:
Forget “affirmative voice” for a moment, since that seems to be tripping others up as well as you. Prompt Engineering suggest sounding like the LLM, asking questions with “the same voice” as the one the LLM uses to respond. Perhaps PE needs to clarify this with some examples, because calling it “affirmative voice” hasn’t seemed to make it clear enough.
I suggest asking them, then perhaps sharing what you learn for the benefit of other folks who are similarly confused.
The only interpretation that comes to my mind is avoiding “not” and “don’t”. Ask for what you want instead of what you don’t want. 🤷 That’s just a guess.
- Comment on Why is it considered sexist to ask women to smile? 2 months ago:
I’m enjoying being told about these counterexamples, as I’m seeing even more clearly how this attitude is embedded in our shared culture.
So far, all the specific contexts in which men are being told to smile is one in which others feel entitled to the man attempting to impress them. In contexts such as dating or performing on video or working in retail, this doesn’t particularly surprise me.
I suppose another reasonable context is one in which the people asking you to smile are genuinely worried about your emotional state and want you to seem happier. By chance is it typically like that for you? (Let’s set aside for now the complex matter of whether they actually want you to feel better or they merely want to control your behavior or feel less uncomfortable themselves.)
- Comment on Why is it considered sexist to ask women to smile? 2 months ago:
How interesting! That makes it even less surprising.
- Comment on Why is it considered sexist to ask women to smile? 2 months ago:
That’s one exception that doesn’t surprise me. Do you have any sense how often they are doing this with intentional irony compared with genuine obliviousness?
- Comment on Why is it considered sexist to ask women to smile? 2 months ago:
Tell us a story of the last time you witnessed someone telling a man to smile because he would look so much better if he did.
- Comment on why does everyone i know treat me like a child or if i was a very childlike person?? 2 months ago:
Think of the people who seem to do this to you. Pick the one who trust the most. Now ask them.
- Comment on how do I become the dullest, most boring coworker so this needy man leaves me alone? 3 months ago:
You’re not responsible for meeting this man’s needs. You don’t need to trick him. “Please leave me alone.” If he does not do this simple thing, then you have not committed any offence and you can train yourself not to feel bad about it. You already meditate, so you might make your tendency to feel bad about this into a object of meditation.
Unfortunately, you can’t control his behavior. He might still try to sit down next to you and talk to you about things that don’t interest you. I don’t know what more you can do than ask him to stop doing this and hope he complies. “Please stop doing this. I’m just not interested. I prefer to be alone.” It is compassionate to say nothing more than this.
As for why you’re like this, that’s very likely because someone taught to you to care about other people’s feelings and didn’t teach you that their feelings are not your fault. This seems pretty common.
The stories you tell yourself about why he does this and the stories you tell yourself to explain your own behavior… they probably don’t help you much, do they?
Peace.
- Comment on If a contestant on Jeopardy! gave the correct response "Alexandre Dumas" but pronounced the surname as "dumb ass", would the response be accepted? 3 months ago:
How strange. I never pronounced it any other way. I don’t think of it as a regionalism. I grew up near Toronto.
- Comment on If a contestant on Jeopardy! gave the correct response "Alexandre Dumas" but pronounced the surname as "dumb ass", would the response be accepted? 3 months ago:
Strange conceptions?
Yes. That’s humor.
Tsunami doesn’t start with a T sound, It’s just a strange artifact of the romanization of the Japanese sounds.
Yes, and English speakers have an established collective inconsistency regarding whether to pronounce loanwords anywhere on the spectrum from (somewhat) faithfully to the original language to transcribed to entirely reinterpreted with English pronouciation norms. To declare that the “t” in that word is silent overstates the situation. At most, it’s optional.
I pronounce those cities as two syllables, although it doesn’t bother me when others don’t. I also pronounce “Mangione” as three, even though I don’t overdo it on the Italian vowels.
- Comment on If a contestant on Jeopardy! gave the correct response "Alexandre Dumas" but pronounced the surname as "dumb ass", would the response be accepted? 3 months ago:
Typically, yes. Pronunciation mistakes are not ruled incorrect unless they change the spelling of the name or word, such as adding consonants. Ken corrects the pronunciation without calling the mistake out, usually, although he labors under strange conceptions, such as insisting in not pronouncing the initial “t” in “tsunami” and “tsar”.
- Comment on Would social events be better if phones didn't have data? 4 months ago:
People can choose. It is even better when they choose.
It’s fairly well established that experiencing the moment does more to promote one’s mental health than not.
- Comment on What gives you hope to keep going? 4 months ago:
The alternative is certain death. If I were satisfied with that outcome, I’d already be dead.
- Comment on Not disparaging the dead or anything. But why does it seem in the US we are expected to feel sorry for a person who overdoses on illegal drugs? Didn't they make the choice knowing the outcome? 4 months ago:
There is an emerging field of research that reframes addiction as a reasonable reaction to traumatic conditions. This doesn’t explain all addiction, but it seems to explain a large amount of it. We are learning how complex a condition addiction can be and that makes it easier to feel compassion for these folks.
- Comment on What do you create? 4 months ago:
A hopeful path towards peace for people who struggle with stress at their job.
- Comment on Is there a word, phrase, or trope for an idea that gets more popular the more it fails? 4 months ago:
There’s a certain amount of Gambler’s Fallacy in this, too: I’ll keep going, because it’s going to turn around.
- Comment on Is there any, any takeaways at all from the next 4 years that's about to happen? 4 months ago:
Demonizing people who disagree with you makes them dig in their heels and elect the dangerous candidate. Demonizing those people feels good and necessary, but ultimately backfires.
The so-called enlightened people can’t be counted on to vote. (I say this as one of those so-called enlightened people, albeit not in your country and therefore unable to shift the balance with you.)
Until you folks figure these two things out, this is your new reality.
The System is held together with baling wire and gum. Never forget that.
You will get through this, but you might need help and to help others along the way. I wish you many goods and cheese.
- Comment on Is it okay to continue to work for a (non-defense) federal government agency under an administration hostile to my own moral and ethical beliefs? 4 months ago:
Yup. Watch The Good Place, then ask again.
- Comment on Are disabled people and the elderly going to survive another Trump presidency? 4 months ago:
“Are there no prisons? Are there no work houses?”
- Comment on I'm going to try not to swear when you're around. Is this a good apology to a coworker? 4 months ago:
“I’ll try not to swear around you. I’m sorry. I will probably not be perfect, but I assure you I’m trying.”
That’s enough.
I assume you are genuinely sorry and have decided you want to behave differently around them.
- Comment on What's the point of a long-distance friendship? 5 months ago:
In that case, I’m not sure you’re missing anything and I’m not even sure you have a problem to solve here.
- Comment on What's the point of a long-distance friendship? 5 months ago:
I understand better. I might relate, too.
I’m not the type to keep relationships “alive” by checking in, but at the same time, when someone re-enters my life after even years, it can be as though no time had passed. If I can help, I will. We can chat for minutes or hours. I’m happy to pick up where we left off.
I have the distinct impression that many other people don’t operate this way. I do. Do you?