thefartographer

@thefartographer@lemm.ee

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Elon Musk Ignites Online Speculation Over the Meaning of a Hand Gesture⁩ ⁨⁨22⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago⁩:

  He’s a great father!

  Sincerely,
  Adrian Dittman

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Hold on!⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago⁩:

  DROP DATABASE internet;
  

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨'The Brutalist' criticised for its use of AI⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  I prefer that classy pinkeye. I put gold leaf on my gunk sealing my eyelid shut.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Each jump brings us closer to God!⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  What on earth are you Babeling about?

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Believe and be saved!⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  That’s funny cuz he tastes like lead paint

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Mandela Effect⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  No I’m not

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Ernest star Bill Byrge dies at the age of 92 as family reveals heartbreaking news⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Drug-fueled sex bender?

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨some folks need to see this⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  I Cain not endorse your humor. You must be stoned.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Trae Young calls game with 49-foot 3 - ESPN Video⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  49-foot 3

  Definitely should have a doctor look at that

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨"Free" Speech Absolutist™⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Abolitionist Absolutionist Abolitionist

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨What is your favorite Robin Williams role?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  You’re correct. I liked how the original comment was relatively interesting but ultimately irrelevant to the topic. Your dry reply amused me, so I decided to make a contribution that’s wholly asinine on every level but wordy enough to look like a legitimate commentary. I hope you’ve enjoyed my attempt to lower the bar.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨What is your favorite Robin Williams role?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Those who were there say they saw it. Those who weren’t there but know about it say they didn’t see it. Those who weren’t there and didn’t know about it don’t mention it. It’s really quite fascinating if you think it’s very interesting.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨This is the life I dream of from my cubicle⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  They didn’t have duct tape back then. Mechanical arm was obviously the only solution left

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨This is the life I dream of from my cubicle⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Booty text

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Help⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Orphan

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨My favorite⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Gotta admit, the folks at the East Brunswick Olive Garden were always incredibly nice and accommodating. Sometimes you feel like eating a nostalgic shit soup and it’s nice to do so with decent service.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Don’t ban TikTok⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  I am parallel parking champion. And when my wife and I work together, our team is a masterclass in parallel parking.

  I got so good by hitting lots of things and getting my car stuck at weird angles. Living in NJ for two years gave me lots of opportunities to practice and improve my skills.

  The biggest first tip I can give anyone: as long as you don’t completely pass the car you’re trying to park behind, you can never pull too far forward before beginning your maneuver.

  Also, if anyone honks at you, calmly check to see if you’re about to hit something—if not, they’re trying to tell you that you’re doing an awesome job! Thank them for their compliment by waving gleefully with either 1 or 5 fingers, your choice.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Hubris⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  I used to make 3/4-1 1/2" patties, essentially half a pound of ground beef on a regular sized bun. I kinda grew tired of them, though, because that’s how my mom made them my entire childhood. I started trying to stuff them with various things or cheeses, but I eventually realized how much I was disrespecting the meat.

  Now I cook them indoors under a vent hood on a 500° griddle. I gently form 3 large meat balls, usually with about 1/3lb of ground 80/20, then put those in the fridge so they don’t get too warm. Barely grease the griddle and then sprinkle some salt and pepper over the top of the meatballs before putting them seasoned side down on the griddle. Then I make 3 small piles of frozen diced onions, sprinkle salt and pepper on them, and put a little bit of butter on top just before I smash down each of the 3 meat balls into smash patties. Then I sprinkle a little salt and pepper on each of the patties. By the time I’m done seasoning the raw side, the very edge of the patties have begun to brown and the onions are becoming translucent. Finally, I flip the patties into the onions and gently press down. I grab my plate and the patties are done, so I’ll immediately remove them from the heat. Cheese, no cheese: lady’s choice. Toss the bun halves on the griddle over the burnt onions and burger fat for an extra-flavorful toast, then dress the bun. By this time, the patties should have rested enough, so I build the burger.

  That first bite is bold, salty, somewhat sweet from charred edges, and delicious. But every bite in the middle is meaty, seasoned, oniony goodness. Each patty has a hot-pink center and charred exterior and it’s fucking amazing.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Hubris⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Yeah, I don’t use those for smash burgers. You technically can, but they tend to delaminate more than they smash. Obviously a good healthy sign when you have delaminating meat.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Hubris⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  It’s about the size of a cookie, but yes. The price is probably the most delicious part

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Hubris⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  And that’s why mine are the best. I don’t smash them so aggressively and start with super cold beef so that I end up with something crisp, slightly greasy, but nice and juicy.

  If you want a shortcut and don’t mind something a bit more processed, just buy Birchwood frozen patties. They turn out surprisingly great.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Hubris⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Sometimes you feel like eating garbage. I make some of the most delicious smash burgers I’ve ever eaten, but some days I gotta go pick up a $1.29 hamburger from Burger King to ruin my day juuust right.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨How Tortillas Lost Their Magic⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  I’ll hold their arms back while you tickle them. Then y’all can tickle me. BEST FRIENDS!

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨How Tortillas Lost Their Magic⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  You ready for an insane trick? Store your corn tortillas in the fridge. When you’re ready to use some (preferably a lot at once) grab the number of tortillas you want, plus two. Heat up a pan or griddle to medium/medium-high heat and carefully place the stack of tortillas on it, dry. Let that go until you start smelling the tortillas without standing over them, then flip the whole stack. Let this go until you smell the now-bottom tortilla starting to burn, then flip the stack one last time and let it go until the other end’s tortilla starts to burn. Remove the two burnt tortillas and place the rest in a tortilla warmer until you’re ready to enjoy your beautifully steamed but not damp corn tortillas.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨It’s over⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  yep you’re dead good luck turning 15

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨$1K a month is a good deal⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago⁩:

  How do I made my deposit??

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Itch.io was taken down by funko pop⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago⁩:

  Maybe I did

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Itch.io was taken down by funko pop⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago⁩:

  I put it in all my cars! I use it to write all my emails! I sprinkle it on my cereal and eat it for breakfast!

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Anon meets a girl at a wedding⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago⁩:

  “Got a rubber?”

  “Nope, but I’ve got plenty of microplastics”

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Anon meets a girl at a wedding⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago⁩:

  Having children after 40 greatly increases chances of birth defects, I can only imagine what happens after hundreds of years.