thefartographer
@thefartographer@lemm.ee
- Comment on Every time I get an email about 1 week ago:
While enjoying your cookies
- Comment on Anon shares their highschool mascot 1 week ago:
Cuz, for some reason, he folds it in half before inserting it
- Comment on Anon shares their highschool mascot 1 week ago:
Better than their previous name: the Constanti-No-Bulls
- Comment on Anon shares their highschool mascot 1 week ago:
As a Texan, I can’t read goddamn thing between my wild diabetes eyes and rampant illiteracy
- Comment on Every time I get an email about 1 week ago:
And how much poop I get on my hands with my clumsy wipe
- Comment on Discovering what this man has done has ruined my day 1 week ago:
4 stones- Look at me! 4 stone, 4 crates!
ZERO STONES!
ZERO CRATES!
- Comment on Risk your life with this one easy trick! 1 week ago:
Death by System of a Down, you say???
- Comment on Risk your life with this one easy trick! 1 week ago:
Miles Davis? Is that you?
- Comment on Risk your life with this one easy trick! 1 week ago:
What if I wanna grow a third arm and tomatoes that scream at the sunrise?
- Comment on Risk your life with this one easy trick! 1 week ago:
Can you soil my pants too??
- Comment on Voyager 1 1 week ago:
Holy shit! I forgot that I’m old now and Gen-Xers are now super-old! Yuck! I regret reading your comment and now I’m mad at the internet for the rest of the day…
You can all go suck a butt
- Comment on Voyager 1 1 week ago:
Voyager is a boomer and could more easily be phished
- Comment on Voyager 1 1 week ago:
“Yeah, I always leave my car unlocked with the keys inside. I also always park it in the center of a lake.”
- Comment on Peer review can be fun 1 week ago:
They’re certainly not in it for the money
- Comment on Boston Creme 2 weeks ago:
I bet I can punch my phone hard enough that OP will feel it
- Comment on lil robot 2 weeks ago:
I couldn’t figure out a good Cassini homonym joke, so Juno seemed like my next best option since it’ll meet the same fate.
- Comment on lil robot 2 weeks ago:
Jupiter says Juno what you’re talking about
- Comment on God help us. 2 weeks ago:
Punctuation looks like an ellipsis
- Comment on Breaking the news 2 weeks ago:
deleted by employer
- Comment on Medieval Doomsday Weapon 2 weeks ago:
i do have an autistic interest in nuclear power, so i know more than the average person. But like, it only makes it funnier
“You know what’s funny?” Asked KillingTimeItself while flicking another match into the brush. “If we had the demon core here and I threw it and hit someone with it in such a way that it momentarily reached prompt criticality, it would be like stabbing them with the world’s slowest knife. Heck, even if you missed, it would still be like a cancer knife that would get them years later.”
FlyingSquid looked on incredulously. “Man, that’s fucked up.”
Just then, the brush caught fire, setting the active battlefield alight and casting a glow on TheFartographer’s face, who was jealous because he forgot to bring matches or a lighter. All three friends giggled and snuck away from the fire.
Just then, TheFartographer got shot in the ass two inches from his butthole and died immediately. FlyingSquid and KillingTimeItself took TheFartographer’s shoes and looted his body, using the valuables to buy more matches in town. They really hadn’t gotten that close to TheFartographer in their time together and he could be a bit of a bastard.
- Comment on Medieval Doomsday Weapon 2 weeks ago:
What’s not fun about starting a fire in the middle of a battlefield?
- Comment on Beansitive 3 weeks ago:
Nailed it
- Comment on Comedy Funeral 3 weeks ago:
Do a barrel roll!
- Comment on ⭐ rockstar developers ⭐ 3 weeks ago:
Stay away from toilets!
- Comment on Sunday 3 weeks ago:
Suddenly I miss my proctologist
- Comment on Taylor Swift needs a glass of water at night too 4 weeks ago:
How does she back out from there? Or does she take another private jet back to bed?
- Comment on They really want people to RTO 4 weeks ago:
Your rules and my desires do not align
- Comment on Ghibli Studio Food always looks so satisfying ♥ 4 weeks ago:
Lol, you even stole the eye bleach from the comments??? You are an evil genius
- Comment on Decades of taking it 4 weeks ago:
Can I have some time alone?
- Comment on I'm something of a graphics designer myself 4 weeks ago:
I miss heavy-handed UIs that made me feel like I was dipping my cursor into digital water colors