thefartographer
@thefartographer@lemm.ee
- Comment on Where did Captain Planet go when he flew away? 4 days ago:
He does not have genitalia nor a digestive system. While humans have those and experience things such as hunger, horniness, and diarrhea; Captain Planet just itches inside all those areas. Deep inside. Unreachable. An itchiness that starts off dull and tingling, becomes nagging, and eventually crawling and burning.
- Comment on Where did Captain Planet go when he flew away? 4 days ago:
His home planet is Earth and his powers are bound to Earth
- Comment on Where did Captain Planet go when he flew away? 4 days ago:
He boils off like a salted slug, screaming in agony at the upper atmosphere where his teen pals can’t hear him. Eventually, he evaporates and turns into part of the ozone layer. His consciousness completely ceases to subsist, granting him and Gaia one of the few reprieves from their near-constant agony.
When the Planeteers summon Captain Planet again, the light from each ring forms a 1/5 portion of baby Captain America in Gaia’s photonic uterus. This all takes place in the ultraviolet and ultra-sonic frequencies, but fully experienced by Gaia and Captain Planet. As soon as he begins gestating, Captain Planet achieves full cognisance and all experiences from his past lives from birth to death are forced into his rapidly-expanding brain.
Once the birthing process is complete, Gaia’s connection to her photonic uterus is severed, leaving her feeling empty and mangled. Gaia gives birth and quickly recovers while rapidly teleporting all over the earth so that bad guys who like to loot and plunder cannot discover and take advantage her monetarily distracted state. Captain Planet then descends into the range of visible and audible frequencies, during which he composes himself as to not frighten the Planeteers.
Gaia tries to control the altitude at which this summoning takes place since any humans who unwittingly pass through will receive an instant sunburn, likely leading to cancer, and their bones will shatter.
- Comment on brain blowing orgasms 1 week ago:
To prevent decrepit politicians who already had their chance from usurping the resources of the next generation and pulling up the ladder behind them?
You know… Octopus politicians
- Comment on this year has been pretty fun so far 1 week ago:
On the one hand, I agree wholeheartedly with your sentiment. On the other hand, these kids were spared soul-crushing disappointment.
- Comment on I am required to pay taxes to the US government, not elon musk running a fraudulent government agency, why should I pay? 2 weeks ago:
Because of everyone does the thing with all the might necessary to do it themselves, then together they will do the biggest thing that’s ever been done.
- Comment on [deleted] 2 weeks ago:
If they call you a fucking princess, they better treat you like a fucking princess. Who invites a princess inside without an already-drawn hot bubble bath, human ottomans, rare cheeses and wines, and a foot massage?
You should probably have your parents execute this friend for their insolence.
- Comment on I liked Star Trek before it got woke. /s 3 weeks ago:
- Comment on [deleted] 3 weeks ago:
But we have so much experience! I, too, was once a child for nearly 18 years! /s
- Comment on It's coming 3 weeks ago:
I’m proud to serve our benevolent leaders
- Comment on If we are going to rename the Gulf wouldn't this be more appropriate 3 weeks ago:
Gulf of Egg Prices
- Comment on "I know the perfect place for the ESP button! Right in front of the drivers knee!" 3 weeks ago:
How are vocal sound effects going to help?
- Comment on It's coming 3 weeks ago:
A mushroom overlord sounds like a fungi
- Comment on As an English language pedant, I find this text message mildly infuriating. 3 weeks ago:
unstoprestopdestopunredestopantistart - Comment on You wouldn't even need to stop going to work! 3 weeks ago:
Come on public utilities!
I’m gonna need you to pay my bail
- Comment on Criminal migrant LASHES OUT during ICE arrest: 'F--- Trump!' 4 weeks ago:
“Criminal migrant,” eh? So fair and balanced…
- Comment on when artists stop being relatable | zaydante [2:26] 4 weeks ago:
Perfection. No notes
- Comment on moms rule 4 weeks ago:
Whoops, I’m suddenly bleeding
- Comment on Kennedy Would Keep Stake in H.P.V. Vaccine Suit if Confirmed 4 weeks ago:
A conflict of interest like this would sink a Democratic nominee.
They should try it. Whatever Trump and his cronies do, try the same thing. When pressure is put on them, try the same moves on those you’re emulating. The least they could do to benefit the American people would be to bring the government to a grinding halt. Our current pace and trajectory is terrifying.
- Comment on [deleted] 4 weeks ago:
Holy shit, lol
- Comment on [deleted] 4 weeks ago:
I recently got my grandfather’s WWII side arm. I know it still works at the range, but I wonder if it works on Nazis… I hope I never have to find out.
- Comment on Adolf Titler 4 weeks ago:
I also hate him, but I’m not transphobic. Maybe he doesn’t hate himself enough? C’mon everybody! Maybe if we all hate him enough, we can save Christmas!
“You better go shout, and spit in his eye! You should avoid Tesla, I’m telling you why. Elon Musk’s a bastard and dumb.”
- Comment on Elon Musk Ignites Online Speculation Over the Meaning of a Hand Gesture 4 weeks ago:
He’s a great father!
Sincerely,
Adrian Dittman - Comment on Hold on! 4 weeks ago:
DROP DATABASE internet; - Comment on 'The Brutalist' criticised for its use of AI 4 weeks ago:
I prefer that classy pinkeye. I put gold leaf on my gunk sealing my eyelid shut.
- Comment on Each jump brings us closer to God! 4 weeks ago:
What on earth are you Babeling about?
- Comment on Believe and be saved! 5 weeks ago:
That’s funny cuz he tastes like lead paint
- Comment on Mandela Effect 1 month ago:
No I’m not
- Comment on Ernest star Bill Byrge dies at the age of 92 as family reveals heartbreaking news 1 month ago:
Drug-fueled sex bender?
- Comment on some folks need to see this 1 month ago:
I Cain not endorse your humor. You must be stoned.
