Submitted 10 months ago by trowaway4433@lemmy.world to [deleted]
Dating is odd to me. I do not really know what my motivations are. If I actually find someone. What then? What will we do? How different will our relationship be from a regular friendship (besides you know what). And should it be? What I’m getting at is, have you ever thought to someone: “They don’t really want a relationship they just want a one particular friend with benefits.”
I don’t know if I’m rambling over here. But I’m really having difficulty digesting this one.
I feel the same way. I still don’t really get the difference. To me it just seems like a really close friendship where you officially agree to spend tons of time together.
Yes! This!
This has been my feeling too.
This may not be the direction you feel like taking things, but, my mindset settled on polyamory. I love that I can let friendships and relationships grow and blossom without any artificial limitations.
I do hope you find what you’re looking for
Definitely varies for people, and there is actually a book coming out soon called “The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center” that you might find an interesting read.
For me, my fiancée is my best friend. Sure we’ve both had best friends before, but the connection was instant and way more intense than with anyone else for both of us. What makes our relationship different than a friendship is that we want to build a life together, we’re a team, we’re each eachother’s top priority, and, yes like most relationships there’s a physical aspect to it, amongst other things. The phrase ‘she’s my person’ really encompasses what it feels like, personally anyway.
If somethings right, you’ll feel it. When you find someone that sparks a connection beyond just friends, you’ll know. And if that never happens, don’t be too hard on yourself and start thinking there’s something wrong with you. Being neurodivergent and on the asexual / aromantic spectrum can make these questions harder, if they apply. Just do what feels right and don’t over think it too much. Easier said than done, I know
Do you want a relationship, even if it means you’re only friends? Does sex have to be involved to make it a relationship?
You’re on to something here.
Can a relationship even be considered a relationship if it is just friends? If it can, please explain how that works. I’m not pulling your leg here, I really want to know.
Also, is sex a confirmation of a relationship or just an added bonus?
I know I just answered your questions with questions. But that’s why I’m here on no stupid questions.
Similarly, what counts as a date?
If I get a bottle of wine, make dinner with and get cozy on the couch with my best friend… is that a date? Or are we just hanging out? What if we kiss?
I feel like it comes down to intent, and if that intent is shared and understood. Which is why communication is so important in any relationship.
I tend to take my friendships as seriously as my romantic relationships, because, often there is no tangible difference.
I’ve had so’s that were asexual, I’ve had friends I fucked but never “dated”. I’m still friends with most of my ex’s. Sex is sex but the relationship depends on how you define it between the two of you. A label is a label, what matters is that both people feel comfortable with the dynamic and are on the same page as far as what the relationship actually is.
Love comes in a myriad of forms and can evolve overtime, so often living in that grey area. Getting bogged down in trying to label and define what something is or isn’t will just make you rigid when reality comes and you’re in that grey area.
A poster above responded with something about building into a common future which also helps differentiate but can’t really be used as a hard line. I’m actively working into a common future with my best friend and partner but I’m only dating one of them. Devotion, trust, respect, vulnerablity, consistency, and common morals/boundaries seem to be the things I look for when i’m looking at someone I’m considering to be a partner.
There’s no actual definition. People often have all sorts of unconventional relationships/friendships. You have have sexless marriages, friends with benefits, etc.
Typically in general, most people are most comfortable when relationship moves towards having sex it often becomes exclusive relationship (in general, for most people). Some relationships might become exclusive and dating for a long time without sex. Some marriages even are platonic and maybe one or both have sex outside the marriage.
You can have a relationship without sex, it kind of depends on what either person is looking for, but a non-sexual dating relationship is probably a bit rarer nowadays. Me personally, I have a high libido, if I’m dating somebody, I’m hoping it leads to sex at some point.
A sexual, dating relationship can be a sort of temporary phase of the relationship that usually transitions into something else. It starts off running hot, but it can either burn out (end) or things kind of die down and become like a candle (monotonous), or somehow they build the flame up into a campfire, or even a raging sexual inferno. It just kind of depends on the couple.
It is very individual. For me, our first date felt like we’ve been hanging out forever already. I was super comfortable with them and vice versa. Bedroom compatibility helped, but I feel that 95% of that is they were my first partner to really communicate what they wanted. We also have very similar values in religion, politics, and how to approach life so there aren’t any deal breakers. Similar taste in music helps too, we each introduce the other to cool new stuff but also have our own things the other doesn’t like and we’re respectful about that and avoid playing it when the other is around.
It’s not all duckies and bunnies, we do disagree on stuff, but we’re both reasonable humans who look out for each other so come up with solutions as they come up.
Mothra@mander.xyz 10 months ago
Can’t answer the title question from personal experience unfortunately, but I can say, only you can figure out what your end goal is. Relationships are different with every person. So if you find someone you enjoy their company, you don’t need to know beforehand what you want to do with them. It’s okay to figure it out as you go.