How would you take 'stfu' from a stranger online, provided what you said wasn't meant to be funny?

Submitted ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨Dicska@lemmy.world⁩ to ⁨[deleted]⁩

Clarification: I’m not a native English speaker. I’ve been gaming online for the past ~15-20 years, and it feels like there has been an increase in this kind of response in the past few years. Now, I know that it’s not always serious: people started using it as ‘no way’ or meaning ‘wow, serious?’ recently.

BUT what has taken me aback is the frequency at which I’ve been seeing ‘stfu’ as a response to something I either meant seriously, or maybe said it in a light-hearted manner, but not necessarily as a joke - often as a first interchange. To me it still literally means Shut The Fuck Up, and whenever I see it, my immediate reaction is that the person on the other end actually meant it exactly as rude as I have always perceived it all my life.

Would you not take this as an offense, provided it’s the first interaction between you and a completely random person? Would you immediately feel they are rude, neutral or straight out saying it very lightly? Is the usage really changing? Do you think they actually mean ‘shut up’, and they just add the ‘f’ because everyone else does it?

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Azzu@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
stfu

;)

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lath@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
There are two kinds of stfu, the serious “fuck you” kind and the “no way that’s real” kind. Not sure if the second type is still ‘cool’ to use.

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- Dicska@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  I had the feeling - but, considering the above, which one would you think of when setting this from someone as the first reaction?
  
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  - NABDad@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
    I think we’d need to know the complete context to judge.
    
    I could say someone like, “my doctor says I’ve got stage 4 cancer”, and a friend’s reaction might be STFU, and that could be totally reasonable.
    
    The only way it’s unreasonable is if the intent is to tell you to actually stop talking.
    
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  - lath@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
    I’m the f adding type, so from my pov, it’s usually the second type unless the person distinguishes themselves as an asshat.
    
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echutaaa@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Considering how vile most internet discourse is it doesn’t really register to me at this point, but I’m probably desensitized. Also to be clear on your last point, shut up is also a rude phrase in english. Adding “the fuck” is only an emphasis.

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- Dicska@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  
  shut up is also a rude phrase in english
  
  I was thinking the same! But I started seeing videos lately where a conversational partner (typically a young girl, but could be some bias) responded with ‘shut up’ in a cheerful manner, seemingly meaning some pleasant surprise mixed with disbelief. And this feels rather recent to me - hence my doubt. But I’m relieved if I’m not the only one, thanks. I wonder if it’s a generational (or a non-existent?) thing.
  
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  - echutaaa@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
    Ok that context helps a lot. It’s not uncommon for young women to use phrases like that playfully. Unless it’s clearly meant to be an insult you can assume they are just trying to be emphatic in their disbelief. It’s not particularly recent, the playful use of the phrases at least goes back to the 90’s in America, I can’t say elsewhere.
    
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14th_cylon@lemmy.zip ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

To me it still literally means Shut The Fuck Up, and whenever I see it, my immediate reaction is that the person on the other end actually meant it exactly as rude as I have always perceived it all my life.

even if they does it mean exactly as rude as you perceive it, does it really matter? you will never be liked by everyone. so if it is situation where you can just shrug your shoulders and leave, it may be time to do it and don’t take it too personally. the person on the other side can be 7 years old. if it happened in real life, would you spend time discussing with him?

if you see a person with a sign about the end of the world coming tomorrow looking moderately insane on the street, in real life - do you go to them and try to convince them they are not right, or do you just shrug your shoulders and move on with your life? and why do we often act differently online?

to be clear i am not trying to be holier-than-thou here, i’ve been guilty of exactly this many times myself, but it is at least useful to be aware of this in retrospect.

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- Dicska@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  Oh no (yes?), I totally get what you’re saying, and I’m able to process these situations (I think I’ve seen enough during that 15-20 years of playing with/against kids), that part doesn’t bother me; what I was really curious about is how you, personally, would interpret that brief response, without any prior context.
  
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  - 14th_cylon@lemmy.zip ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
    i am not native speaker as well, so it is sometimes hard to judge the nuances. in the old days of the internet there was a saying “be conservative in what you say and liberal in what you hear”. so maybe do that. or don’t care at all and just move on 🤷‍♂️ sorry i don’t have anything better.
    
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Etterra@discuss.online ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Meh.

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LastoftheDinosaurs@reddthat.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Does adding fuck really change anything?

This whole thing really seems strange to me. I always took it as meaning the other person was offended rather than they wanted me to do anything.

Whatever was said struck a nerve. I don’t see how this could mean anything else

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- MolochAlter@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  Well yeah, “shut the up” is not a correct phrase… ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )
  
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- Dicska@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  
  Does adding fuck really change anything?
  
  Yeah, it makes it even worse : ). I was thinking just the same first - however, I’m not in my early twenties / late teens anymore, and I’ve been wondering if that was the case with the younger generation.
  
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Zwuzelmaus@feddit.org ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

the person on the other end actually meant it exactly as rude

Yes.

My response, if somebody is escalating such a thing so much: I allow him, politely and very formally, not to read anymore what I have written in the future. While it is kinda superficial (because everybody has that possibility at all times), it also suggests the possibility to him that he does not need to react in such a strong manner, or that he may even shut up :)

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- Dicska@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  Oh yeah, I don’t have a problem dealing with the nastier version, I was just wondering how you would interpret the exchange, provided it was the first and only 4 characters you see from a random person.
  
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  - Zwuzelmaus@feddit.org ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
    
    provided it was the first and only 4 characters you see from a random person.
    
    In that case you could also say nice to meet you stfu, I am dicska :)
    
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