Why we’ve fallen out of love with dating apps

Comments

• Asafum@feddit.nl ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  I have been on and off dating apps for over 10 years. I witnessed what they did to them.

  Enshittification to the maximum. Sites literally REMOVED useful functions and put others behind paywalls. You used to be able to set tags of interests and search by tags as well to find people into the same things as you, but that stops you from swipe swipe swipe swipe swipe… Swipe swipe is time spent on the app which increases the chance you start feeling desperate and pay them for the increased functionality of… Seeing who likes you… Other sites used to let you actually browse who was near you, not swipe, but have a list of people to look through. That’s not swipe swipe swipe pulling the dopamine lever so gotta give it the axe.

  The more difficult it is to use the more likely they are to get you feeling desperate which is how they get you to pay up. No thanks.

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  • sabreW4K3@lazysoci.al ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    It’s definitely fuck the Match Group all day every day.

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  • lichtmetzger@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    okcupid was amazing back then, I wrote with so many interesting people and had unique and lengthy conversations. Another platform fucked up by capitalism and greed.

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• jherazob@beehaw.org ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Here’s a mirror of the old, old OKCupid blogpost against paid dating apps, some dynamic bits didn’t get properly archived but the info is still there, giving a very strong argument that paid dating apps are by definition bad to find a partner. Then they got bought and the blogpost was deleted literally the next day.

  And this is long, LONG before everything started enshittifying, and dating apps went all in on this. By now the odds are very much against you if you wanna find someone on those apps.

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• Dark_Arc@social.packetloss.gg ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Honestly my biggest problem is:

  • I don’t drink
  • I don’t go to church
  • I work from home
  • Video games and hiking are my two major time expenditures
  • I’ve seen too many women complain about dudes approaching them

  … what the hell am I supposed to do other than use these apps society?

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  • GenderNeutralBro@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    If you like hiking, you might also enjoy indoor rock climbing. It’s more social and fun than a gym and you will have the opportunity to interact with a lot of the same people repeatedly. You might even have some beginners groups in you area to get started. Meetup.com is good for finding groups like that.

    Good luck out there!

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    • Dark_Arc@social.packetloss.gg ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      I actually did try rock climbing, my ex and I did it.

      I proposed going to first time we dated, she got into it while we were split, I would go a few times a month with her, and then basically haven’t been in a few months since we split.

      The climbing gym in my area is on the other side of town and just constantly PACKED and I was also never very good at it … plus I’m colorblind and the routes are color coded which makes it even trickier … so it’s not really my cup of tea.

      I’ll probably give it another shot (this time with friends) once it gets cold again (I’m in NE Ohio).

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  • Vodulas@beehaw.org ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    Join a hiking group/club, and don’t do it with the express intent of dating. I’m not saying don’t hope, but don’t because you enjoy the activity

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    • Dark_Arc@social.packetloss.gg ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      I haven’t seen any good hiking groups in my area. The ones that exist on meetup.com are mostly “people with grey hairs” … and there’s nothing wrong with that other than I just turned 30 last month.

      It’s been that way throughout my twenties.

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  • twice_hatch@midwest.social ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    Hell even if you go to church, I’ve had a real bad time crushing on people from church. Can’t recommend it

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  • Powderhorn@beehaw.org ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    Meet people online via shared interests. I’m not one to tout Reddit, but really engaging in niche communities there gives you wide exposure specifically targeted. Don’t expect immediate results, but it is a valid method.

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    • Dark_Arc@social.packetloss.gg ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Yeah no, I don’t want to date half way across the country or world … or slide into other people’s DMs which is something girls ALSO complain about dudes doing.

      Not to mention there are a ton of elements of attraction that just don’t work on a forum.

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    • Excel@beehaw.org ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Nope, then you get people complaining that “this is not a dating spot”.

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• jlow@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Is it because they’re enshittified af?

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• Letstakealook@lemm.ee ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  I can’t speak to women’s experiences, but as a man, it was pretty clear that these apps were dogshit designed to steal information while keeping you engaged with bots so they can further steal from you, including financially. Much like Facebook, I was an early rejector of dating apps, and I’ve been proven correct on both fronts. From what I can tell, the tech has only gotten better at taking advantage of lonely/stupid men. While dating isn’t really a concern for me anymore, when I was actively dating, it was never difficult to meet women. It just requires a willingness to be open and accept rejection. Also, be willing to cut off interaction for relationships that aren’t healthy. It’s better to be alone than in a shitty relationship.

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  • lichtmetzger@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    it was pretty clear that these apps were dogshit designed to steal information while keeping you engaged with bots

    They haven’t always been, though. I remember the good old times of okcupid - they had a system of interest you could enter and then they linked those interests to a search of people in the database. It was so effective to find people listening to the same music, playing the same games…

    They removed the whole thing after they got bought out, removing one of the biggest features that made the platform unique. It explains why there are still a lot of people around recommend platforms like Tinder and okcupid, they remember their positive experiences and maybe even found a partner. But those times are long over.

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    • Letstakealook@lemm.ee ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      That’s fair. I may generally be a bit over suspicious at times, but the apps definitely struck me as off very early on. As to charging men, while it does suck, I get it. It similar to “ladies’ night” at clubs (do they still do that?). It isn’t hard to get men in the door, but it is significantly harder to get women to attend, oftentimes due to some of the behaviors exhibited by the men. With the gender differences on app usage, it would likely drive that disparity even higher if they charged women.

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  • overload@sopuli.xyz ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    I know of several couples that have got married and met on bumble. Surely the exception to the rule, agree that Tinder is a complete spyware app.

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    • Letstakealook@lemm.ee ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Bubble wasn’t around when I last engaged with dating apps, though I wouldn’t give any app the benefit of the doubt, including in any conceivable future. While there are exceptions to the rule, as you mentioned, I’d say most people will be better off without dating apps, with or without a partner.

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• Powderhorn@beehaw.org ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  OkCupid.com (founded 2004) asked users a wide range of multiple-choice questions. It then went further by also asking them to specify the responses to those same questions they wanted to see from prospective partners.

  I met both my ex-wives on OkCupid … in 2004. Of course, I had no idea I met my second wife before getting serious with the first.

  I put scores of hours in answering match questions, and the whole experience was, dare I say, fun. Longform profiles with candid photos and the ability to see how answers differed so you could get the dealbreakers out of the way before wasting any time messaging.

  Oh, and it was completely free.

  I tried a few apps after getting separated in 2016, but the experience was truly a nightmare. I’m not a terrible-looking guy, but my looks are not what has ever drawn anyone to me, it’s how I comport myself. This is completely useless on these apps. It felt like high school popularity contests, which I was happy enough to escape the first time, except that to participate in any meaningful way, you have to pay.

  I did find one use for them, and that was getting drunk with my girlfriend (who I met at work) and mocking profiles.

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  • Asafum@feddit.nl ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    OkCupid.com (founded 2004) asked users a wide range of multiple-choice questions. It then went further by also asking them to specify the responses to those same questions they wanted to see from prospective partners
    

    Yet another example of a feature dumbed down for seemingly no reason… In another comment I mentioned removing features, and this one mentioned here used to have a section for you to elaborate on your response… They removed it just a few years ago for god knows what reason, making that questions section worse…

    “Do pets have souls: yes/no”

    …well normally I’d say “no” and then elaborate with “because I don’t believe in souls, I don’t think anyone has a soul. We have personalities and I believe animals have them too.”

    Now I just look like some heartless psycho “no, animals don’t have souls.”

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    • chaos@beehaw.org ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      They also took away the ability to specify your answer separately from the answer you were looking for from others, so now it’s just “did you say the same thing.” Which doesn’t make any sense for some questions, like “do you prefer a partner that is a) taller than you, b) shorter than you, c) doesn’t matter”, if you both picked A or B, you aren’t a match for this question!

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    • Powderhorn@beehaw.org ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      The quality of questions fell off a cliff well before Match Group came in and really enshittified the whole affair. I soured on continuing to answer questions once the new ones were almost exclusively false dichotomies.

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• ininewcrow@lemmy.ca ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Humanity did fine for thousands of years without these dumb apps … I think we’d be fine without them

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  • sabreW4K3@lazysoci.al ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    I mean we also did fine without electricity and antibiotics…

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    • jlow@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Depends on you definition of fine, I guess.

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• Goretantath@lemm.ee ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  People were in love with dating apps? /s

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• BattleMasker@r.nf ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  I don’t agree with ai being useful in narrowing down matches, but I will admit putting access to matches and dms behind a pay wall is beyond bullshit

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• Ledericas@lemm.ee ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  most of them are used for sex, and alot of them high unrealistic shallow expectation in thier partners to.

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• tacosanonymous@lemm.ee ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Is it bc I’ve been married for fifteen years?

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