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Comments

• vvilld@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  You are overthinking things to an ENORMOUS degree.

  What you need most of all is to get off the internet and go engage with people in the real world. These are all questions people grapple with as they enter adulthood, but most of us do it subconsciously.

  What you’re really struggling with here is knowing yourself. You can’t figure that out without life experiences. You need go try things to find out what you want out of life and who you want to be.

  I don’t know you or your life, so it’s difficult to give specific advice. I think what would be best for you is to go out somewhere with people and just engage with them in a non-creepy, non-prying, normal way. Become a regular at a local dive bar. Find a local low-stakes sport league (like kickball or pickleball or some shit). Find a gaming/hobby store that has live gaming nights and start attending. Find a recurring class you can take.

  The specifics don’t matter so much. The goal is to find something/place you can go to which is likely to have some of the same people at over and over. At first, you’re not trying to meet everyone and form friendships. That’ll come in time. At first you’re just trying to get comfortable and confident in the space. Present yourself as open and easy to approach. Be willing to make small talk with people when appropriate. Over time you’ll start having those small talk conversations with the same people. Then you can start building on that. “Hey, I’ve seen you here before. We had that small chat about XYZ. It’s nice seeing a familiar face. My name is ABC…”

  Then be willing to say “Yes” to things. If someone invites you to something, say yes. If they ask if you want to try something, say yes. Obviously within reason, but don’t shut yourself off for nothing.

  The biggest thing is, don’t try to have an agenda. Don’t go out to meet people with the intention of trying to get laid or find a romantic partner. Don’t focus all your attention on trying to meet potential romantic/sexual partners. People pick up on that shit really easily and it makes you come off as a creep. I’m not saying don’t form those relationships if the opportunity presents itself, I’m just saying don’t make that your focus or purpose.

  Humans are social animals. Our biggest evolutionary advantage that led to us being the dominant lifeform on the planet is our ability to connect with one another and form communities. We are hardwired to crave that and thrive on it. All this may sound daunting, and I’m sure your gut reaction will be to reject it as impossible for you personally for this reason or that. You’ll say you can’t do any of this because of health reasons, or because you’re not attractive, or because you’re autistic or neurodivergent, etc. Those are all just excuses. More people than you can count who are uglier, less healthy, and more neurodivergent than you are perfectly capable. Socializing is a skill just like any other. When you first start doing it, you’re going to be bad at it. But the more you practice and try, the better you’ll get.

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  • fuckyou1@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    [deleted]

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    • Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Seriously, chill the fuck out. You lead with an insult, ask for advice, and when someone tries to offer some, you pick out this one phrase and turn it into whatever this is?

      Why are you being so rude to someone trying to offer help that you asked for?

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    • vvilld@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      I mentioned “non-creepy, non-prying” because I’ve been on the internet a lot and understand internet culture. Several things mentioned in your post give a distinct vibe of the type of person whose brain has been so overcooked by the internet that they have a tendency towards being creepy. I’m specifically talking about stuff like:

      feel like liking someone is a need like taking a shit. if i give too much affection, would a girl get scared and run away, or fall in love with me? what do i do if i accidentally make a girl love me?

      i don’t want girls to love me too much. how do i make them not love me too much and still be myself?

      what do i do with the freedom and power to do whatever i want?

      I am not autistic, mentally ill, ugly, or weird (I guess those last two are subjective). I have no diagnoses at all and have never been regularly medicated. I am happily married (June will be my 10 year reunion), with 2 kids. I also had previous relationships before meeting my (now) wife, so clearly I’m not so hideously unattractive or weird as to repel everyone.

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    • fubbernuckin@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Take a step back dude, it’s not that deep.

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• db2@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Image

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• Solumbran@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Just stop

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• CarbonatedPastaSauce@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Same answer to all your questions:

  It’s probably time to see that psychiatrist.

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• DrBob@lemmy.ca ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  You just need to interact with people. You’ll figure it out as you go like the rest of us.

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  • fuckyou1@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    [deleted]

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    • ieatpwns@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      You don’t get good without fucking up.

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    • vvilld@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      So what? Making mistakes is a huge part of life. Everyone makes mistakes all the time. We deal with them and move on. That’s just called being human.

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• aseriesoftubes@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Who hurt you?

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• SolidShake@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Nice try republican

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  • fuckyou1@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    [deleted]

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    • SolidShake@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      1-10 is a good start at a defenition.

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