Obtuse is the word you’re looking for
Comment on Anon doesn't know what she's doing wrong
superduperpirate@lemmy.world 4 months agoNot sure if stupid is the word I’d use, but we tend not to pick up on subtlety very well.
Paraphrasing from memory a comment I saw in a similar thread on a different site:
- What’s subtle to you is entirely invisible to him
- What’s obvious to you is still mostly invisible to him
- What’s embarrassingly obvious to you is just starting to become subtle and therefore potentially noticeable to him
We don’t have nearly as much practice on picking up subtlety, and many of us are well aware of the potential blowback of perceiving interest and acting on it (“ew gross i’m just being nice you creep”).
We aren’t mind readers. Frankly, if I was a mindreader, I wouldn’t be hanging out on Lemmy. I’d be hanging out in the casino at the poker tables.
AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 4 months ago
As a mind-reader, I would think you’d have a better ROI hanging out in the gallery of Congress
GoodEye8@lemm.ee 4 months ago
I think stupid pretty descriptive. I have not once but twice regularly slept with a woman and not get it.
The first I consider kinda excusable because I was 18. We hung out and just somehow naturally transitioned into having sex. We never really talked about it and I didn’t question it because at 18 you don’t question free pussy. It went on for months and then we just drifted apart. I thought she met someone else and left it at that. Years later I found out she was expecting something more but didn’t know how to move forward with me so she moved on.
The second however. I was is my late twenties and should’ve known better. We met on Tinder, she was quick to get in bed and I was quick to get in bed and so quickly in bed we got. This time we “had the talk” to make sure this is just sex and we’re not looking for anything more. Months go by and we’re hooking up almost daily. We start hanging out a bit more, she starts staying over etc etc. Eventually a year and a half passes and I haven’t given a single thought to our situation, so out of the blue she’s “we can’t continue like this”. And I’m just puzzled because I have no idea what we’re talking about. So she said that she was always a bit into me and it just grew and grew and now she wants more. In hindsight it’s obvious but I was completely oblivious the entire time.
So we are stupid. I could be balls deep in some pussy and not know if they’re actually into me. I’m so oblivious I told my wife “no hints, no roundabouts. If you have an issue you tell it to me straight because I do not understand anything less than straight”.
sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 4 months ago
Eh, I usually pick up on relatively subtle cues, I just have trouble interpreting them. I can tell they’re flirting, I just don’t know if they’re doing it because they’re interested in me, or they just want something from me (better service, helpful directions, or material to laugh about later w/ friends). So even if I pick up on it, I’m unlikely to actually act differently until I have verbal confirmation.
This causes some issues w/ my wife, so I try to reassure her that I understand she’s frustrated or whatever, but that I’m unsure what she’s expecting me to do about it (is she looking to vent or does she want me to problem-solve). This occasionally pisses her off (why can’t you tell what I want?!?), but she usually realizes that I have a valid reason to be confused and is more direct after a bit of time thinking about it.
Communication is absolutely key in any kind of relationship, and that goes both ways. I don’t think I’m autistic (wouldn’t be surprised if I’m at the mild end of the spectrum though), but I do appreciate confirmation of certain social cues.