Maybe I got this wrong but doesn’t flirting imply consent because it’s a bidirectional thing?
Comment on Anon is one sniff away
SoleInvictus@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 months agoAnd many of the salsa ladies hate this as they just want to dance and not navigate the minefield of various men trying to hit on or grope them.
RecluseRamble@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 months ago
LANIK2000@lemmy.world 5 months ago
Well somebody needs to initiate it, and girls are terrible at telling you that they aren’t interested, because they’re scared ya might not take it well. Like rightfully so, there are many men like that. It’s a thing many men struggle with, how to approach women without coming across as a creep. Like not even in a romantic setting, just in general.
henfredemars@infosec.pub 5 months ago
As an autist, this simplifies into never approach women just to be safe because I suck at reading people and they won’t just tell me they rather not.
Meeting my wife was nothing short of a miracle.
agentshags@sh.itjust.works 5 months ago
Sometimes you just gotta try to read the person your best, be friendly, and flirt. Make a compliment, just try to keep it respectful, and give it some time to set in with the other person. Just don’t lead in with ‘hey sugar tits, you looking fine today baby gurl’ or something along those lines lol. Also don’t lay it on too thick, maybe just a comment in passing, like nice outfit, looks amazing, love the pop of color or something, or wow, you are really good at xyz, how long have you been into that?
I can relate to the struggle, but sometimes you just gotta take a big gulp and try to be confident in yourself (just enough) to take that chance.
SoleInvictus@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 months ago
Good question! It made me challenge some of my assumptions.
Merriam Webster defines flirting as “to behave amorously without serious intent”. Flirting, at its core, is a less direct, less intense way of letting someone know you’re interested in them romantically and/or sexually.One can flirt with another person without it being reciprocal.
I made my previous comment as I used to dance and my ex is a dance instructor. Men attending dance lessons or going out to dance with solely amorous intent are the bane of many dance scenes.
TheBat@lemmy.world 5 months ago
Men attending dance lessons or going out to dance with solely amorous intent are the bane of many dance scenes.
Are they big guys?
SoleInvictus@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 months ago
Dammit, it took me a full minute to get the joke.
skulkingaround@sh.itjust.works 5 months ago
You just gotta keep it casual and not creepy. Basic small talk, talk about the lessons, what’s going on in your life, current events, etc.
If they’re receptive to that and you start hitting it off, then you can try to go for a non weird compliment or ask if they want to grab some food after the lesson or something.
As for non weird compliments, avoid physical attributes that can’t be changed and don’t be sexual about it. Nice boobs = not okay. I like your hairstyle = okay.
Fosheze@lemmy.world 5 months ago
This is my biggest issue. I’m shockingly good at speaking like a human and whenever I’ve actually managed to get a date it has always turned into multiple dates. But I don’t know where to meet single women. I’m not photogenic enough to stand out on dating apps and all of the things I like to do are either sausage fests or something done at home. The only time I really see any women at all is when I’m at work, when they’re at work, or literally just walking down the street, and all of those are situations where anything other than maybe small talk would just be rude.
I’d love to put myself out there but the only place I know of to do that is dating apps. But I have a complete inability to look even remotely normal any time I know a picture is being taken so I have very little luck getting matches. After I get a match I’m fine. The issue is just at that first hurdle of finding someone who is even remotely interested.
SoleInvictus@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 months ago
You sound a lot like myself, so I’m going to offer a ton of unsolicited advice you are welcome to ignore. This is how I went from occasional dates to strings of dates within a few months. It does take a bit to get going. It has worked for me and worked for my friends (those who actually did it), so I think it can work for most anyone.
Meeting single women became so much easier (for me) when I learned one technique: find something you enjoy doing that will bring you into contact with the type of women you’d like to meet, but only do it simply to do it, for the joy of it. Never try to “just meet women” while you’re doing it. Not even once in awhile. No pulling birds Thursdays. Women aren’t stupid, they’ll know what you’re up to and they talk. So don’t meet women: meet everyone. Want to meet more women? Do more of the activity and meet more everyone there too. Basically, forget about meeting women, just do the activity and meet people through that.
Be nice, be fun, don’t be afraid to be vulnerable, and aggressively be yourself. Be yourself so hard, do NOT fake anything. Dress nicely, smell good, and don’t be afraid to stand out. For example, I’m a little bald guy and am a snappy dresser with my own style; love cats, hokey horror and sci-fi movies, and baking for people; and have a deep voice. I took voice lessons so I could sound more like I want to, share my love of my fur children with fellow cat people and my taste in movies with fellow movie people, and I bring baked goods to events. In short, I let who I am shine and people who like that remember me and like me for it.
If you meet a woman and it appears you two have chemistry, be really up front and do one thing soon: pull them aside and ask them if they’re into you or if you’re reading the situation wrong. You have three likely outcomes: they’re into you, they only want to be friends, or (least likely) they’re immature and talking directly about feelings scares them. No matter what, it’s a win: potential girlfriend, potential friend, or you’ve weeded out someone immature who you probably shouldn’t date or be friends with anyhow. Again, just do it early so you don’t get your hopes up and you get crushed if there’s no interest. You know what’s really impressive to many women? Someone clearly and respectfully asking how they feel and handling the answer with grace and compassion.
That’s it. This approach has so many advantages. You do something you enjoy and you do it often, so you get good at it. This makes you more interesting. People love interesting people.
By aggressively being yourself, friends and love interests want to be around you for you and want more of what makes you, you. No lies and stories to keep up, which is exhausting and will ultimately fail anyhow. Lie if you want to get laid and are an absolute piece of shit. Be genuine if you want to form lasting connections.
You expand your social circle, which helps with meeting more people. Assuming you’re a nice person, people will want you to meet their single friends. It just happens, especially through female friends. That hypothetical woman who turned out not to be into you? Show her you’re someone who listens to and respects women and she’s more likely to think of you when her friend is grousing about being single and lonely.
Success Stories
I met the vast majority of my dates and girlfriends through friends this way. One ex I met after our mutual friend (who I had just hooked up with and it immediately turned out we had awful, AWFUL chemistry) introduced her to me because she knew I was a nice guy and thought we’d hit it off. This was the week after we went out. All based on an okay date and the worst sex in both of our lives - I know, we both talked about it later.
I met my wife through a woman I was initially interested in but she was SO not into me. We ended up good friends. I later met her friend and was instantly into her, hard. She was also interested but very guarded, but she dropped that guard after my friend spoke well of me and how I treat women.
That’s really about all there is to it. If you have questions, I’m an open book.
fuckwit_mcbumcrumble@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 months ago
Sometimes you just gotta try new things and see if you like it. If you like it then great, if you don’t try something else.